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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
1,124
Despite the bad, ugly things, I do have to remember 1 year, 10 months ago, I was going to drink my N. Dbol, a member here stopped me, he asked dozens of questions, and suggested a hormone checkup. Gosh, I had testosterone of a 110 year-old man. A week after I was fine, thanks to TRT. Thats 1ml Cypionate 300mg per week, and few more things from time to time.

Weed is likeable, but makes me do nothing, so I stopped.
Exercise became a daily thing, except last few months because of insomnia, but I have 2 days already sleeping fine, so I went out for a 4k run and some push-ups, get things started.
I did let go a beautiful girl because she deserved someone with less issues than me, that was back at the beginning of recover, regret is still present.

I am okay at my job, software tester, but want to do more, but it requires huge effort which im not investing.
I've made some poor choices, some other good.

Just found, Hoponoppono or someshit like that, a small couple phrase with emotion mantra, that lifts me up quite good, I've found adding couple sentences does magic in my particular case. I've heard about it years ago, but called it shit.

I have some pendings things to do, but I lack the decision between different goals, and I can not tackle them all successfully, I need to choose!


My mom and brother are so happy I've stopped attempting against myself, and that im living by my own means, however small them can be for someone, or for me, at least I am.

Can I get any better? Do something better?

I love one book, Winning the Inner Game, by Michael Hall

Next plans, yes I would like to find a life partner, someone I can count on and some one to care for together.

I would like to be better at my job, or found and extra source of income.

I would like to feel liberated and fine! Liberated of what? I dunno! Lol, I'm free, except some demons, regrets, and memories hunt me back, Hoponoppono has helped a lot just yesterday and today.

I have to choose what to do NEXT with my life!

If you read until here, thank you so much!!! Love you, and my best wishes for us both!
 
WornOutLife

WornOutLife

マット
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
7,335
I'm glad you're still with us!!
CTB has to be THE LAST CHOICE! We gotta try out all the options before and recovery is one of them!

I'm in recovery too and even though I'm still suicidal, I'm managing to be a productive human being again and experience some happy moments from time to time.

I think they key is in what you said: "choose what do NEXT with our lives"

Having hobbies, goals and a purpose is what's helping me to keep on going!

Wish you the best!!

Hugs and love,

Matt
 
Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Enlightened
Joined
Feb 13, 2020
Messages
1,279
I'm so glad to see you're still here! I read most of your post through the time you were recovering. Really admire you're strength. :hug:
 
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dandan

dandan

One more attempt on life.
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
1,124
Myforevercharlie said:
I'm so glad to see you're still here! I read most of your post through the time you were recovering. Really admire you're strength. :hug:
No one ever read my notebooks, somehow it's wonderful to read your words, so kind of you. Thank you!
WornOutLife said:
I'm glad you're still with us!!
CTB has to be THE LAST CHOICE! We gotta try out all the options before and recovery is one of them!

I'm in recovery too and even though I'm still suicidal, I'm managing to be a productive human being again and experience some happy moments from time to time.

I think they key is in what you said: "choose what do NEXT with our lives"

Having hobbies, goals and a purpose is what's helping me to keep on going!

Wish you the best!!

Hugs and love,

Matt
What can I say Matt, depression is was almost unavoidable, just like catching the bus... glad I found TRT, cause I was going away with my now expired N which I won't throw away...

Hobbies, goals and purpose definitely are to be pursued... but with testosterone so low, it's just... I won't go back.. I truly rather catch the bus, gladly I won't.

I'm glad you are having productive happy times from time to time, i'm sure that's what kept me going all those years, eventuallly things do get better, damn took me twenty years... ever since recovery I stopped visiting and writing in the other forum... perhaps once, cause a damaged heart truly hurts... anyway bro, keep on!

Lets keep going on, hugs

Daniel
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Living dead girl
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
1,806
I wish you the best with your recovery, it must be hard trying to get better as you were close to ctb. Life can really be challenging.
 
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checkouttime

Visionary
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
2,208
TRT should be offered to more people and be more easily available, in the UK trying to get diagnosed is like talking to a brick wall!!! i don't actually think they realise the effect it can have on people, its one of the reasons i ended up here!!!
 
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Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Enlightened
Joined
Feb 13, 2020
Messages
1,279
dandan said:
No one ever read my notebooks, somehow it's wonderful to read your words, so kind of you. Thank you!

:hug:
 
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