throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,445
I've noticed that in the last couple of months(since the summer) a lot of people have been leaving or trying(including me). I wonder why that is.

The sun reminds me of the fact of how beautiful life can be and how I never got a chance at life to begin with. When I go out I see happy people smiling and laughing and yet knowing I will never be like them. I never stood a chance against life. For the past few years I've been forced to continue my life due to the fear of death but now everything has piled up.I don't want to stay alive anymore. And the past few days have proven me right. My life is continually getting worse, I can't cope and I am unable to function. I don't want to be sectioned again.... I am very close to a complete mental breakdown. I am lucky to still be able to end it and I will. Perhaps this weekend. I really don't know how much longer I can keep going. The panic attacks are getting worse and worse and my mind is practically going insane. It's the not knowing "when" that bothers me. I've been thinking a lot about death and I will have to force myself to do it. I could literally go there right now and do it. But I want to spend a little more time here, reflecting, coming to terms with it, knowing I did everything I could. I want to leave in peace. I don't know how much time that is going to take but I hope it will be over this week.
 
PatKat

PatKat

Meh
Aug 9, 2018
981
I've noticed that in the last couple of months(since the summer) a lot of people have been leaving or trying(including me). I wonder why that is.

The sun reminds me of the fact of how beautiful life can be and how I never got a chance at life to begin with. When I go out I see happy people smiling and laughing and yet knowing I will never be like them. I never stood a chance against life. For the past few years I've been forced to continue my life due to the fear of death but now everything has piled up.I don't want to stay alive anymore. And the past few days have proven me right. My life is continually getting worse, I can't cope and I am unable to function. I don't want to be sectioned again.... I am very close to a complete mental breakdown. I am lucky to still be able to end it and I will. Perhaps this weekend. I really don't know how much longer I can keep going. The panic attacks are getting worse and worse and my mind is practically going insane. It's the not knowing "when" that bothers me. I've been thinking a lot about death and I will have to force myself to do it. I could literally go there right now and do it. But I want to spend a little more time here, reflecting, coming to terms with it, knowing I did everything I could. I want to leave in peace. I don't know how much time that is going to take but I hope it will be over this week.
I know what you mean... everyone is killing themselves except me... I am extremely jealous of those lucky ones that exited... sigh

Panic attacks fuck those... all a doctor tells me is to take my klonopin or valium... I need a fucking answer not a mask of the problem ya know? Are there actually people out there that can help people? It seems all they care about is a paycheck when I do not care at all I dont care what I have I am nothing.
 
PatKat

PatKat

Meh
Aug 9, 2018
981
I have once read that a lot of suicides happen during the warmer months. It seems to be true.
It is strange I have read about that too... But what about S.A.D. the people that are seasonally depressed in the winter?

I thought a long time ago more suicides were in winter due to the gloomy outside but its not! The nicer something is the more you want to off yourself I suppose...
 
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shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
132
The sun reminds me of the fact of how beautiful life can be and how I never got a chance at life to begin with. When I go out I see happy people smiling and laughing and yet knowing I will never be like them. I never stood a chance against life. For the past few years I've been forced to continue my life due to the fear of death but now everything has piled up.I don't want to stay alive anymore

I could have written this myself as this is EXACTLY how I feel, especially the part in bold. My damn mother had to party and drink for the first 3 months she was pregnant with me, and I am the one paying the price for it! So much brain damage (fetal alcohol syndrome) that I cannot work and get a real job. I finally qualify for disability, but cannot get it because I have to quit my job and live on the streets for the 2 years it would take to be approved. I know now that I am at my breaking point. Cannot sleep and am in severe pain all day and night. I have had enough. This month will be my last month if this continues.
 
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M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
I don't know what it is about this time of year that so many are leaving, including me. I just signed up for this account 5 days ago and have seen 3 users here fail and become hospitalized. It makes me feel even more ambivalent about how people here get info about methods. I feel scared for them. Being hospitalized is a fucked up experience and I hate to see anyone go through it.
 
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6

6477244ts5

Student
Jun 13, 2018
193
It's always been the case that improving mood (better weather, meds start working etc) causes an increase in suicides in the severely depressed because people who are so, so down often don't have the energy and focus to attempt. That's why summer is common and antidepressants often increase ideation.