- Sep 15, 2021
I hate to tell these folks, but SI still remains when terminal and while I don’t doubt they truly believe this, the dread, the uncertainty, the panic and even the frantic and unresolvable regret still set in. Few are saying to themselves, “Well, I’ve had a good run. I’m ready to quickly go down hill, struggle to breathe, piss myself without a catheter and be in extreme pain even with the strongest pain killers” (which are becoming hard to secure for even hospice).
I follow(ed) some lovely folks on Tik Tok who were/are suffering from terminal illnesses and as I’ve mentioned before, I also follow hospice nurses. One lovely woman in Australia had advanced stage MND (a horrid disease that makes me question the existence God) and while she tried to put on a brave face because she too had struggled in life, the fear she shared + the extreme anxiety she felt while trying to draw breath was heartbreaking.
I could go on and on…but one of the hospice nurses I follow confirmed the following: while some are very fortunate to gently go and feel love/comfort and often see loved ones, others are in pure terror and panic. There is no rhyme or reason.
If you want guarantees in terms of avoiding SI, pray that you die in your sleep or you’re in an accident that the docs promise your loved ones that it was quick.
I wish I could believe in the premise of the show, Dead Like Me (ie where folks are tasked with ensuring a persons soul is removed from their body before you die) and hey, maybe it is indeed the case. That’s the frustrating thing about all of this - there is no certainty and all we know for sure is what we are experiencing now and even then, life can change for the better in a New York minute.
much of SI is from the fear of failure and its method-specific consequences no?
if you could stare down a bottle of a supposed "magic 100% instant death" long and hard and not kill yourself shortly after you aren't actively suicidal i.e. have developed a higher tolerance for suffering than your current suffering level