Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
Last year I have visited our school's guidance counselor who is a certified psychologist and asked for help, or confirmation. We're somehow, close to each other btw.

I told her that I think I am depressed and suicidal but still needs a confirmation from someone on the correct field regarding that. She told me that I have clinical depression and is indeed suicidal and asked me to be open to her and tell her everything from the very beginning. Which I didn't do because I cannot just lower my walls. And I can see her struggle to help me.

I disclosed to her the matter which consists of my OD and cutting and even revealed to her my scars and some fresh wounds. She's terrified at some point and she cannot believe that I actually am suffering that much.

Fast forward, our meeting ended without me getting anything of help from her because of my walls. I do not feel safe in her presence. I do not feel like opening up to her.

Then came the school year and we again met when she's outside her office talking to a crowd of high school girls. I greeted her with flying rainbows or whatever. She then saw me and noticed how I am wearing a long sleeve shirt under my over-sized jacket. And then, I was stunned when she started talking about my SH in front of everyone in a loud tone while laughing. My head began to spin then, my breathing slowed in an agonized manner. I want to stop her from talking, I want to tell her to shut the fuck up. But I can't or else they might know that what she's saying is indeed real. So, I tried to laugh it all up and say stupid things regarding my being 'awesome' or anything just to replace the topic. And yet, I didn't win. My final resolve back then is to just walk away, and I did, saying that my teacher perhaps is in our room already.

Starting then, humans look at me as if I'm a specimen to entertain themselves with. That's what they like anyway. A controversy. An issue to talk about.

What I don't understand is that, why does she even need to do that? And when I stopped talking to her, she's bugging me about why indeed. I cut after that meeting right away and hoped that somehow, I can still fake my way to her. I feel betrayed. I feel as if I'm just a laughing stock.
 
YaYaDr

YaYaDr

Student
Jun 26, 2018
128
I have not had good experiences with professional counselors neither. Bill Maher described them best I think when he called them friendship prostitutes. They basically get paid to pretend to be someone's friend. A counselor I used to visit during highschool was one such friendship prostitute. I recall the day I realized this. I asked him for a favor and he declined. Wow, I thought. This was a guy who knew personal things about me and even met my family. I didn't like the idea of taking drugs to treat my depression, but because of him I relented. Now when I needed a small favor, he couldn't even help out. My fault really since I didn't recognize him for what he really was, a friendship prostitute.
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
I have not had good experiences with professional counselors neither. Bill Maher described them best I think when he called them friendship prostitutes. They basically get paid to pretend to be someone's friend. A counselor I used to visit during highschool was one such friendship prostitute. I recall the day I realized this. I asked him for a favor and he declined. Wow, I thought. This was a guy who knew personal things about me and even met my family. I didn't like the idea of taking drugs to treat my depression, but because of him I relented. Now when I needed a small favor, he couldn't even help out. My fault really since I didn't recognize him for what he really was, a friendship prostitute.

they're awful aren't they? Nothing but facades.
 
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Steve

Member
Jun 14, 2018
57
I too have a bad experience with my school counsellor. He was the one that proposed for me to take a benzodiazepine Lexotan. He didn’t tell me what they were for, and neither did the prescribing GP.

Thanks to those pills I suffered withdrawals which caused me to have convulsions, akathisia, psychosis, DP/DR, insomnia, adrenaline rushes, painful psychosomatic pain in the stomach, lost sensation in the genitals and multiple trips to the psych ward of the hospital. My entire neuro systems and brain is fucked. I can’t even stay calm under a little bit of stress.
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
I too have a bad experience with my school counsellor. He was the one that proposed for me to take a benzodiazepine Lexotan. He didn’t tell me what they were for, and neither did the prescribing GP.

Thanks to those pills I suffered withdrawals which caused me to have convulsions, akathisia, psychosis, DP/DR, insomnia, adrenaline rushes, painful psychosomatic pain in the stomach, lost sensation in the genitals and multiple trips to the psych ward of the hospital. My entire neuro systems and brain is fucked. I can’t even stay calm under a little bit of stress.

Your school counselor is more than stupid and perhaps is the one who have a loose screw in his head to give you such thing without further knowledge. Drugs are not a play thing which they can give to anyone just for them to look intelligent and knowledgeable. He must be sued.
 
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Steve

Member
Jun 14, 2018
57
Your school counselor is more than stupid and perhaps is the one who have a loose screw in his head to give you such thing without further knowledge. Drugs are not a play thing which they can give to anyone just for them to look intelligent and knowledgeable. He must be sued.

I can’t sue him because technically he did not give them to me, it was a doctor. But the doctor gave them to me under his instructions.

I tried to complain to the school about him and they just said that counselors are not allowed to prescribe. Yes, he didn’t prescribe it but he instructed me to go to the doctor and he instructed the doctor to issue the benzos.
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
I can’t sue him because technically he did not give them to me, it was a doctor. But the doctor gave them to me under his instructions.

I tried to complain to the school about him and they just said that counselors are not allowed to prescribe. Yes, he didn’t prescribe it but he instructed me to go to the doctor and he instructed the doctor to issue the benzos.

then I guess the fault also lies within the doctor's poor decision regarding the situation. doctors, above all, must know whether it is just to actually issue a certain drug toward a human who is in need or not in need of it. that's just horrible of them.
 
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Steve

Member
Jun 14, 2018
57
then I guess the fault also lies within the doctor's poor decision regarding the situation. doctors, above all, must know whether it is just to actually issue a certain drug toward a human who is in need or not in need of it. that's just horrible of them.

Exactly! I was just saying I was stressed. But the thing is he didn’t even explain what it was and when it should be used. The label just said it’s for “tension”. I was tense all the time, it was exam time. I was popping them thinking they were safe. These drugs should never be issued ever other than for panic disorder.
 
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Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
Exactly! I was just saying I was stressed. But the thing is he didn’t even explain what it was and when it should be used. The label just said it’s for “tension”. I was tense all the time, it was exam time. I was popping them thinking they were safe. These drugs should never be issued ever other than for panic disorder.

damn. just wtf's going on in the world rn. I feel like we are being treated as rats or something that doesn't hold any value nor must hold one. damn them.
 
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Why.

Why.

Member
Jun 8, 2018
63
Then came the school year and we again met when she's outside her office talking to a crowd of high school girls. I greeted her with flying rainbows or whatever. She then saw me and noticed how I am wearing a long sleeve shirt under my over-sized jacket. And then, I was stunned when she started talking about my SH in front of everyone in a loud tone while laughing. My head began to spin then, my breathing slowed in an agonized manner. I want to stop her from talking, I want to tell her to shut the fuck up. But I can't or else they might know that what she's saying is indeed real. So, I tried to laugh it all up and say stupid things regarding my being 'awesome' or anything just to replace the topic. And yet, I didn't win. My final resolve back then is to just walk away, and I did, saying that my teacher perhaps is in our room already.

...What the fuck. This has to be reportable. Surely school counsellors are held to the same patient confidentiality rules as any other healthcare worker?

:I