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Blacktarheroine

Blacktarheroine

Nihilism at its best
Sep 17, 2018
16
I know I’m not the only one who feels like this but I’m just curious if anyone else has endured any long term domestic abuse, parental abuse and or sexual abuse that has made them feel worthless and whatnot. I was heavily abused by my mother my whole life from as far back as I can remember. I was with an abusive partner who passed away before he could kill me. I never thought I would ever fall victim to rape , but had a former “friend” come out to me and admit that she partook in a plan that ended in me getting drugged and raped, leading me to realize that my son was most likely conceived from this sexual assault . This was my tipping point . Feeling violated irks me but feeling helpless, Victimized is the pain that I can’t deal with. The therapy, the apologies, the changing perspectives that I pass through as phases , none of it can make me feel like I have a purpose. My reasons were already insurmountable. It feels temporarily relieving to vent which is why I took a shot in the dark with this post so that maybe I can sort of provide that feeling to anyone else willing to share.
 
FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
If you don't mind me asking, WTF was this "friend" thinking when they spun together that shitty scheme?

As for me, I have never been in a relationship, so no domestic abuse for me. I have seen it with my parents, but my dad has never laid a hand on my mom AFAIK. He just verbally abused her like he did me. My older brother wasn't so lucky. Everything came to a head one day when I was around 4 or 5 and my dad came after me with the belt for the first time. My brother, already fully grown and built like a fucking tank at 16, threatened to put my dad in the hospital if he laid a finger on me. I will never forget what my brother did, though the effort was wasted on a person like me. Now my dad is ridiculously mellow in his old age, and it's super weird. It's like he's smoking a joint 24/7. I feel like I could slap him across the face and he wouldn't hit back. I guess these are the joys of the Alzheimer's/dementia (he won't go to the doc) I get to look forward to when I'm old and decrepit. I hope the heart disease that runs in my family first kills me first if I can't summon the nerve to end it. I think my Dad's been banking on the same thing, but he's never been a lucky man.
 
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