deflagrat

deflagrat

¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
Apr 9, 2018
360
Before I begin, sorry for my bad English.

I have had depression for more than 10 years, but here's the thing: I have had my parent's support all my life. When I stopped studying my parents never told me to find a job, they never told me they wanted me to be on my own... I always had their support.

Even now, it's troubling me. At first I thought I would be a few years like this and then I would kill myself, but they never stopped supporting me, so... I got a good computer and spent all my time playing games and watching videos / shows. And I am still doing that. I actually believe my parents will never ask me to find a job. I have never worked in my whole life, and I am almost 29 lol. I feel guilty for this, but as I always planned to kill myself, I never considered the possibility of continuing to live on my own.

If things continue like this, I will spend, at least, 10 more years just playing videogames the whole day. Maybe even more. I am very lucky to have my parent's support, that's why I will probably continue to live, at least for the time being...
 
Malice1

Malice1

-
Apr 6, 2018
287
Same. Only worked once my entire life. Got kicked out of college. Haven't been doing anything since then. Parents wont kick me out. I'm on SSI so i get money every month (most of which goes to them) but even if i didnt i literally wouldn't have to work my entire life and they would take care of me. They do occasionally say its not fair to them but they wont throw me out despite that. Anyway, i'm still planning on killing myself. Mainly because its painless with N.
 
ondodera

ondodera

Unfortunately alive.
Mar 17, 2018
19
Same situation, never held a job for more than a day and my parent has never actually requested that I got a job anyways. I'm incredibly lucky how much support I get and it makes me feel terrible.
 
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M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
It is not different for me. I am 27 and the most I worked in one place was for about three months when I was 18 or so. All my other jobs didn't last for more than a month at most. I went to college when I was 21, but all of my troubles made it impossible for me to have any sort of enjoyment there and I just couldn't focus, so I gave up on it. I was planning on killing myself in 2012, when I was 22, but then my dog was born and I took responsibility for her life and well, she still is alive and I am not going anywhere until she dies.

My mother supports me, although to be fair, it is not like it costs that much extra. I don't eat much, my computer which I built in 2014 isn't very intensive (in terms of power supply) and I don't take forever in the shower. Still, I know it makes her feel bad to watch her child not doing much with her life at such age, but by now she already accepted this is it for me. She knows by now that my struggles aren't things I came up with to justify laziness. She also knows I absolutely detest living and would rather stop breathing.

I already told her to kick me out multiple times, but I guess she is the kind of mother who wouldn't be able to do such thing.
 
M

MisarableCock

Member
Apr 8, 2018
19
You're like me then but im 20. I feel extremely guilty too
 
C

Caerula

Student
Mar 20, 2018
145
i wish i could not work... lucky you XD
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
Idk. Do you really think you're lucky because of this?
I think it was sarcasm. Then again, not having to be a wageslave is not exactly a bad of a thing, if you can deal with the guilty.
 
deflagrat

deflagrat

¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
Apr 9, 2018
360
Idk. Do you really think you're lucky because of this?
Well, other people have crappy parents and have to study and work whether they like it or not. I would have killed myself in that scenario. Instead, I play games, watch videos and sleep, and nothing is going to change in the future. I see it as a bad and a good thing. Living longer is a good thing if you keep youself occupied (something fun) and you get rid of your depression. I am not exactly depressed, but I am not cured either.

Living like this is pretty comfy. Reading other people about suicide makes me think that my previous thoughts about suicide are normal and it doesn't mean that I have to kill myself as soon as I can, instead, I am doing the opposite... I suppose I had a hard time living in a "meaningless" existence, Reddit has helped me see that (Suicidewatch, timetogo, depression subreddits, and SS back when it was still a thing).
 
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C

Caerula

Student
Mar 20, 2018
145
I didn't work for a few months after I graduated from college. I basically did whatever I wanted. Even though I never felt my suffering went away, I would say I had a good time. Maybe I would describe how I felt as sad but comfy.
 
Mad

Mad

Actually just sad
Mar 21, 2018
155
I have a feeling that you can get depressed from two different fundamental reasons.
One being a very apathetic approach where things become way too linear or lack of reason, and another being pushed over the edge after working incredibly hard towards a goal they can't achieve.

Can I blame you for wanting to kill yourself when people have way worse than you?
No, your suffering is most likely just as powerful as the others, just very, very different.
I would argue that you can't compare them but then again, this isn't researched, more of a philosophical concept.
 
FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
Well, other people have crappy parents and have to study and work whether they like it or not. I would have killed myself in that scenario. Instead, I play games, watch videos and sleep, and nothing is going to change in the future. I see it as a bad and a good thing. Living longer is a good thing if you keep youself occupied (something fun) and you get rid of your depression. I am not exactly depressed, but I am not cured either.

Living like this is pretty comfy. Reading other people about suicide makes me think that my previous thoughts about suicide are normal and it doesn't mean that I have to kill myself as soon as I can, instead, I am doing the opposite... I suppose I had a hard time living in a "meaningless" existence, Reddit has helped me see that (Suicidewatch, timetogo, depression subreddits, and SS back when it was still a thing).

I can relate to an extent. I should be thankful my parents don't apply pressure about my career and finances, but I just hate myself for not being successful. I never should have developed high expectations for myself. Only leads to disappointment.

But going back to you, it just seems like they're neglecting you a bit. That's just my 3rd party opinion as someone outside the situation. Regardless of what I think, it's working for you atm.
 
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L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,873
Don't worry. Your being like this doesn't mean you don't suffer. We are not in a competition of more pain and bad circumstances.
Tbh, existence is suffering for everyone so don't feel bad about yourself.

If you don't have problems that ruin your enjoyment of your activities then enjoy them. Try to enjoy and have fun with your life and don't listen to others.
 
Phantom

Phantom

Member
Apr 9, 2018
33
I don't think that suicidal thoughts and depression in general aren't something that can be treated as an ouch-competition. Of course I must admit that while saying so I'm so fond of the statement because it's something protecting me. It might be that I'm completely illegitimate person to make such claims.

However, to base my claims I would say that human problems are real but also extremely subjective. They should also be treated with equal seriousness, of course at a reasonable level. As you can see from how common suicide seems to be among world-class stars, we can see that everyone has their inner demons, everyone carries their pain. And we cannot always stand.

It would be considered madness to claim that one could lift a ton of iron, as every single bone they have would shatter due to the stress placed on them. We should try to apply the same understanding to our minds: sometimes weight is impossible to carry. Only thing that is really changing is the fact that rather than trying to see the weight, we should see the symptoms. We can't see the weight, and some weights are harder to see than others. That doesn't make any of them any lighter.

Human mind sees a relative reality. When we try to see what is true inside one's head, we should remember that there relativity doesn't make anything more or less real. We should just see what the mind feels is true and not blame for any oddities in it's perception.

I hope this makes sense. I just want to say that we shouldn't close out others by their problems, but by their symptoms or rather not at all. When people make it here, I would be quite certain that there's not much to judge anymore.
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
The truth is it doesn't really matter why you want to die. One's problems might sound insignificant and futile to other, but only the person who is suffering knows how shitty their problems are. It is not necessary to be suffering from chronic pain or something terrible like that.

I knew (barely) someone who wanted to die just because they didn't like existing. According to the individual, it was too much of an effort with little payoff — and I don't disagree with that. As far as I know, there was no chronic pain, no ugliness or anything like that. Honestly? It is a valid reason to die as much as any other.

People are so judgmental about so many things almost everywhere, I think it is great that this place is somewhat different. There are still some judgement even here (like some people judging the 14 years old girl or whoever gave her advice on methods), but it is nothing significant, thankfully. This place is actually better than the clown fiesta that was the original sanctioned suicide subreddit after some time.
 
deflagrat

deflagrat

¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
Apr 9, 2018
360
I can relate to an extent. I should be thankful my parents don't apply pressure about my career and finances, but I just hate myself for not being successful. I never should have developed high expectations for myself. Only leads to disappointment.

But going back to you, it just seems like they're neglecting you a bit. That's just my 3rd party opinion as someone outside the situation. Regardless of what I think, it's working for you atm.
I used to think like that, but I gave up completely and I stopped caring about life so thinking like this would only harm me. It's working for me because my parents are the way they are, but it used to suck a few years ago back when I didn't have a decent PC. Now I complain about not having anything to do other than play a lot of games, which is not as appealing as it used to be when I was younger. I should have complained more back then.

I have a feeling that you can get depressed from two different fundamental reasons.
One being a very apathetic approach where things become way too linear or lack of reason, and another being pushed over the edge after working incredibly hard towards a goal they can't achieve.
The first thing... I will die in 40 years tops, and I will be forever forgotten... I will probably live in poverty, and my life won't make any sense to me... why live like that when you can end your suffering forever... BUT, I feel stupid for not taking the chance my parents give me and that's why I am still alive, but this situation can't last forever, and honestly, I don't want it to last forever.


The truth is it doesn't really matter why you want to die. One's problems might sound insignificant and futile to other, but only the person who is suffering knows how shitty their problems are. It is not necessary to be suffering from chronic pain or something terrible like that.

I knew (barely) someone who wanted to die just because they didn't like existing. According to the individual, it was too much of an effort with little payoff — and I don't disagree with that. As far as I know, there was no chronic pain, no ugliness or anything like that. Honestly? It is a valid reason to die as much as any other.



People are so judgmental about so many things almost everywhere, I think it is great that this place is somewhat different. There are still some judgement even here (like some people judging the 14 years old girl or whoever gave her advice on methods), but it is nothing significant, thankfully. This place is actually better than the clown fiesta that was the original sanctioned suicide subreddit after some time.
A rat could only suffer if he saw how insignificant he is, even if he stays alive in a ethereal world. Altered carbon (netflix series) is a joke, a clone is someone else, with or without your memories. Unless you can capture the "soul" (if there is such a thing) dead is the real end with or without clonation. There is no escape, no matter what you do. Then, why not embrace it? Why not see the beauty in your own death? Your suffering dissapears, the unfair realities fade, and you are not there to suffer about your own non existence. I don't see death like other people dealing with depression, like it's this "horrible decision" they wished they never had to make.

If I had money I would just rot in my own room until I die... not much of a difference for the world, is it? It's not different for me. Even now I don't have a reason to stay alive, I just drift with the current as it passes before me, without swimming, just wondering where it takes me next. That's not something worth living, but it's the only thing I have... It's all temporal, I would be very dissapointed otherwise.