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skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
Anhedonia: the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable. This is probably one of the biggest reasons why I want to ctb. I started years ago, losing little things here and there. But the most important things I enjoyed. As time passed more and more enjoyment slipped out of my hands. Eventually I was going to drop something important. The first one was reading. Now every book is the same and ever story is boring. The second was video games. Now they help just to fill in time. The last one I held on as tightly as I could, but it simple disappeared. It was music. I can't play chord or a single note without it sounding hollow. Every song I listen to sounds muffled and distorted. Any meaning it had gets filtered by my ears into nothingness. Tomorrow Im going to a concert with some friends. We've been planning this for months. I feel like I should be exited or at least feel something. I just want to get it over with so I can come home and slowly destroy myself. Joy is completely gone, and I wish I had appreciated it the few times I had it.

Anhedonia: the reason why I'll be gone.
 
Life sucks

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,926
I suffered from anhedonic periods for a long time and I still get them. The feeling is horrible and ugly that I prefer the more painful depressive period over it. The worst thing happens to me is when I suddenly get a chemical drop and be anhedonic and lose every enjoyment.

I've spent many years and I've not find a complete permanent solution but had ways to bring back chemicals even temporarily.

The way I'll say is mental training, I don't know how to describe it, but I got used to anhedonia and my other problems so I could recognize my own patterns and reduce how it hurts me.
Second I tried to do stuff without judging myself about not enjoying, I stopped doing anything and whenever I try I was feeling very bad because I couldn't enjoy but then I simply ignored it, I just did things like playing or watching anime without judging myself, eventually I enjoyed some periods instead of nothing.

Also I went to gym and while its not a real solution and don't work all of the time but it can release hormones and chemicals that distracts you. I used to work out then immediately do stuff I enjoy. I've stayed like this for a long time (more than 6 months) and although it doesn't solve my anhedonia, at least it helped me getting some enjoyment. (I actually joined because I fed up of sudden dropping of chemicals that is very horrible thing similar to mood swing then someone recommended it for the chemicals)

I've still get ups and downs but I completely recognize my pattern and ignore it.

I've got damaged from anhedonia and my other countless problems and I know the horrible feeling. (Tbh anhedonia can even prevent one from ctbing and simply put the nothingness mode)

There are also ways to trigger chemicals but it doesn't happen intentionally so I just ignore the whole thing and it comes, I've developed many ways like enjoying the food or sexual stuff. I've playing the horror genre of video games and it sparked something at least. There are many more ways I developed but not consistent.

I've suffered from anhedonia for years and I can tell you getting chemicals is not impossible but getting them constantly probably is very hard. I was in the same place thinking its impossible but then at least I found some workaround. Even if its temporary, at least it worked to make me escape. I've got hurt and I know how it feels not to be in feelings when you read or watch or play or anything else, but guess what, once you get the chemicals, you can simulate your previous experiences and feel the enjoyment, its better than nothing.

I do not use meds or anything but just got used to it and deal with it. Maybe you can get meds or something because my way is very long one sadly
 
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W

WakingUpFrightened

Member
Jun 24, 2018
13
This seems to be one of the common symptoms of depression. I barely play videogames anymore, I spend almost all of my free time listening to music and browsing forums such as this one. Honestly, I don't know what I'll do if music gets "boring" to me, it's really one of the few things that keeps me going.
 
I

ion900

Student
May 4, 2018
159
Anhedonia just makes everything harder than it's actually. I don't want even moving of the bed.
Positivity wins. When you die you will feel positive right? Media makes it trendy to be dark. Just a law of this realm. Am I a prophet?.... eh more of a philanthropist
 
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I

ion900

Student
May 4, 2018
159
I suffered from anhedonic periods for a long time and I still get them. The feeling is horrible and ugly that I prefer the more painful depressive period over it. The worst thing happens to me is when I suddenly get a chemical drop and be anhedonic and lose every enjoyment.

I've spent many years and I've not find a complete permanent solution but had ways to bring back chemicals even temporarily.

The way I'll say is mental training, I don't know how to describe it, but I got used to anhedonia and my other problems so I could recognize my own patterns and reduce how it hurts me.
Second I tried to do stuff without judging myself about not enjoying, I stopped doing anything and whenever I try I was feeling very bad because I couldn't enjoy but then I simply ignored it, I just did things like playing or watching anime without judging myself, eventually I enjoyed some periods instead of nothing.

Also I went to gym and while its not a real solution and don't work all of the time but it can release hormones and chemicals that distracts you. I used to work out then immediately do stuff I enjoy. I've stayed like this for a long time (more than 6 months) and although it doesn't solve my anhedonia, at least it helped me getting some enjoyment. (I actually joined because I fed up of sudden dropping of chemicals that is very horrible thing similar to mood swing then someone recommended it for the chemicals)

I've still get ups and downs but I completely recognize my pattern and ignore it.

I've got damaged from anhedonia and my other countless problems and I know the horrible feeling. (Tbh anhedonia can even prevent one from ctbing and simply put the nothingness mode)

There are also ways to trigger chemicals but it doesn't happen intentionally so I just ignore the whole thing and it comes, I've developed many ways like enjoying the food or sexual stuff. I've playing the horror genre of video games and it sparked something at least. There are many more ways I developed but not consistent.

I've suffered from anhedonia for years and I can tell you getting chemicals is not impossible but getting them constantly probably is very hard. I was in the same place thinking its impossible but then at least I found some workaround. Even if its temporary, at least it worked to make me escape. I've got hurt and I know how it feels not to be in feelings when you read or watch or play or anything else, but guess what, once you get the chemicals, you can simulate your previous experiences and feel the enjoyment, its better than nothing.

I do not use meds or anything but just got used to it and deal with it. Maybe you can get meds or something because my way is very long one sadly
You seem very intelligent, judging from the way you are dealing with this. I think the missing piece is ego. With an inflated ego, you can increase your perspective in life. One way you can do this is by doing very hard things, and then feeling like you are great for doing those things. Hiking, extreme workouts, making other people happy. If you don't have any passions, you might not be trying hard enough. Video games are a sped up reward system. Spending time with nature might help. Some feel a recharge when outside. So to elaborate, with a greater ego, you will feel like you deserve more, deserve to feel good, with a small one, you will be confined to your parameters. Sure there are some limiting factors. The challenge is seeing that things aren't "just is" but "is because". That's my perspective. I grew that perspective because I went through a small period where I fell for the depression trick and found a way to reverse it. Sucks I didn't take it all the way. I missed out on the oneness part of it and confused masculinity with individualism. It is tough because today individualism is promoted today. I found it very hard to accomplish tasks I was not doing completely because of my own choice. Using the thought that you are doing a favor for someone else can be helpful at times. Or thinking that doing this thing for yourself now will allow you to help others later.
 
Life sucks

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,926
You seem very intelligent, judging from the way you are dealing with this. I think the missing piece is ego. With an inflated ego, you can increase your perspective in life. One way you can do this is by doing very hard things, and then feeling like you are great for doing those things. Hiking, extreme workouts, making other people happy. If you don't have any passions, you might not be trying hard enough. Video games are a sped up reward system. Spending time with nature might help. Some feel a recharge when outside. So to elaborate, with a greater ego, you will feel like you deserve more, deserve to feel good, with a small one, you will be confined to your parameters. Sure there are some limiting factors. The challenge is seeing that things aren't "just is" but "is because". That's my perspective. I grew that perspective because I went through a small period where I fell for the depression trick and found a way to reverse it. Sucks I didn't take it all the way. I missed out on the oneness part of it and confused masculinity with individualism. It is tough because today individualism is promoted today. I found it very hard to accomplish tasks I was not doing completely because of my own choice. Using the thought that you are doing a favor for someone else can be helpful at times. Or thinking that doing this thing for yourself now will allow you to help others later.

I already did intense workout (for example heavy weight low reps or HIIT) before and some things like swimming. I do other stuff that required skill and dedication like learning languages. As for gaming, I'm fine with playing and some games need skills (specially competitive ones), so it depends on the game/genre. Also there are hardcore stuff I didn't try like speedrunning. And Tbh it took me long years to get some of my gaming skills and strategic thinking which is something I'm proud of. Also I like to analyze games scientifically and technically and not only video games but sports, card and board and others.

Generally, I like hard stuff and challenging myself. Now I can overcome the anhedonia although not completely.

I don't know about the ego but I don't care anymore as I'm planning to ctb (but unknown time). I just don't like to think I'm special or unique, I'm just born in some sort of situations and circumstances that made me like this. I do think I did exceptional stuff if you mean feeling of self by ego.

I'll try to do other things and currently thinking about learning music which is hard. About nature, sadly where I live is shit and the weather is not great. I'll try to do what I want before ctbing

Thanks for the advice
 
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I

ion900

Student
May 4, 2018
159
I already did intense workout (for example heavy weight low reps or HIIT) before and some things like swimming. I do other stuff that required skill and dedication like learning languages. As for gaming, I'm fine with playing and some games need skills (specially competitive ones), so it depends on the game/genre. Also there are hardcore stuff I didn't try like speedrunning. And Tbh it took me long years to get some of my gaming skills and strategic thinking which is something I'm proud of. Also I like to analyze games scientifically and technically and not only video games but sports, card and board and others.

Generally, I like hard stuff and challenging myself. Now I can overcome the anhedonia although not completely.

I don't know about the ego but I don't care anymore as I'm planning to ctb (but unknown time). I just don't like to think I'm special or unique, I'm just born in some sort of situations and circumstances that made me like this. I do think I did exceptional stuff if you mean feeling of self by ego.

I'll try to do other things and currently thinking about learning music which is hard. About nature, sadly where I live is shit and the weather is not great. I'll try to do what I want before ctbing

Thanks for the advice
Sounds like you are chasing a feather in a pressurized tunnel. That saying that people who really want something are less likely to get that people who don't care so much has some truth to it knowing how pressure can lower performance sometimes. You seem like a reasonable person. Maybe going on a hunting trip can spur your primal aggression at life. Weather is a big fact for sure. I'm thinking that if I modified my diet so that it would be like I was starving a little during the winter months it would be a good reminder that it is a period where we are building up to the light months. I get it. Hey! Narnia is a good book series for finding purpose. Check out flat earth universe. It explains the idea that we are infinite is wrong and we humans have a special purpose. It is hard to give advice on here because body language cannot be illustrated and voice tone and pacing play a large part in how something is received. Good on you bro.
 
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ion900

Student
May 4, 2018
159
I already did intense workout (for example heavy weight low reps or HIIT) before and some things like swimming. I do other stuff that required skill and dedication like learning languages. As for gaming, I'm fine with playing and some games need skills (specially competitive ones), so it depends on the game/genre. Also there are hardcore stuff I didn't try like speedrunning. And Tbh it took me long years to get some of my gaming skills and strategic thinking which is something I'm proud of. Also I like to analyze games scientifically and technically and not only video games but sports, card and board and others.

Generally, I like hard stuff and challenging myself. Now I can overcome the anhedonia although not completely.

I don't know about the ego but I don't care anymore as I'm planning to ctb (but unknown time). I just don't like to think I'm special or unique, I'm just born in some sort of situations and circumstances that made me like this. I do think I did exceptional stuff if you mean feeling of self by ego.

I'll try to do other things and currently thinking about learning music which is hard. About nature, sadly where I live is shit and the weather is not great. I'll try to do what I want before ctbing

Thanks for the advice
Yea I sound annoying, so just realize that I am not trying to annoy you. I accept your choice.
 
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Life sucks

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,926
Sounds like you are chasing a feather in a pressurized tunnel. That saying that people who really want something are less likely to get that people who don't care so much has some truth to it knowing how pressure can lower performance sometimes. You seem like a reasonable person. Maybe going on a hunting trip can spur your primal aggression at life. Weather is a big fact for sure. I'm thinking that if I modified my diet so that it would be like I was starving a little during the winter months it would be a good reminder that it is a period where we are building up to the light months. I get it. Hey! Narnia is a good book series for finding purpose. Check out flat earth universe. It explains the idea that we are infinite is wrong and we humans have a special purpose. It is hard to give advice on here because body language cannot be illustrated and voice tone and pacing play a large part in how something is received. Good on you bro.

I don't have these near me, and Tbh I wanted to try mountain climbing but there is no near mountains to where I live. I always hear that mountain climbing is badass workout. I tried incline walking on machines but its not the same although still good.

I think for life reasons and goals I have many and not lacking. I dream about learning more things like music and languages. Also, I want to continue to do what I do. Maybe even trying more stuff like cooking. Also technology, computers, gaming and internet are a huge and important part of my life. So I have no problem trying different things and improving what I already do. However, life is short and I can't do many things as I wish. Time is fast also, not to mention how everything and everyone is against doing what you want.

However, this is all about if I assume I'll continue living (which is what I'll do until I'll ctb). So I'm trying to do whatever I can before ctbing. It will happen sooner or later.

I don't lack the reason for living (this may looks contradictory, I have special conditions and knowledge but I don't believe I'm special) but I have many problems in different aspects. My choice if I did a successful and painless method will be rational and I've spent long time thinking.
 
AveryConure

AveryConure

Some idiot
May 11, 2018
438
I used to write a lot and loved it, to the point where I had poetry published and finished seven novels. Then my brain got fucked up more than it used to be and now when I glance at my writing I immediately throw it away or delete it.

Sometimes even videogames just feel like a chore than a hobby. If I completely lost enjoyment for that like with my writing and art I honestly would move my ctb date waaaay earlier.
 
I

ion900

Student
May 4, 2018
159
I don't have these near me, and Tbh I wanted to try mountain climbing but there is no near mountains to where I live. I always hear that mountain climbing is badass workout. I tried incline walking on machines but its not the same although still good.

I think for life reasons and goals I have many and not lacking. I dream about learning more things like music and languages. Also, I want to continue to do what I do. Maybe even trying more stuff like cooking. Also technology, computers, gaming and internet are a huge and important part of my life. So I have no problem trying different things and improving what I already do. However, life is short and I can't do many things as I wish. Time is fast also, not to mention how everything and everyone is against doing what you want.

However, this is all about if I assume I'll continue living (which is what I'll do until I'll ctb). So I'm trying to do whatever I can before ctbing. It will happen sooner or later.

I don't lack the reason for living (this may looks contradictory, I have special conditions and knowledge but I don't believe I'm special) but I have many problems in different aspects. My choice if I did a successful and painless method will be rational and I've spent long time thinking.
Yea makes sense. It is not good to like anyone too much including yourself, but also is not good to not like anyone too much. I think if you put on 20 pounds of muscle you might be able to find the right balance of self appreciation. For those who need it, intermittent fasting is a good way to get rid of extra fat.
 
oldgray

oldgray

i wish i'd melt with the snow
Oct 19, 2018
82
i feel you, i can't enjoy anything, i can't even play videogames anymore.
i spend my days on reddit, instagram and youtube, still listen to music sometimes but i wonder how long will it last.
 
TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,475
I hear you I used to enjoy video games now it is so boring to me and I have been playing a lot of video games since I was a child, music also has become dull and I used to be able to listen to music like chillstep for 1-1½ hours sometimes just sitting and relaxing but now everything seems the same and the same goes for movies it is so easy to predict what is going to happen.

These reasons is why childhood was so good because you have to view our brains as constantly on drugs so all of these things video games, movies, music etc. is like building a big tolerance so after decades of this we have become immune (if that makes any sense) I really can´t even feel much nostalgia anymore and just a few month ago I could get a huge nostalgic kick out of listening to music from my youth or watching gameplays from video games on YouTube I still can feel this nostalgia but it´s fading away. Life was just better as a child..
 
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RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,206
Anhedonia took my ability to enjoy drawing, playing the guitar, learning new stuff in various CS fields, cricket and even video games like Pokemon that were a huge part of my childhood. I'm not going to live long enough to let it take anything more.
 
worldexploder

worldexploder

-
Sep 19, 2018
2,823
Anhedonia is horrible. I had it for awhile now it’s gotten worse over the past couple years. I use to be able to write poetry and video game ideas. Even depressed and isolated I’d find something to do.

Question - ever been so depressed that everything looks Smokey and grey? Not like you’re hallucinating but everything just seems dim. Hard to explain.
 
S

samsays89

Student
Oct 4, 2018
139
I have nothing. I used to work out, run, camp at parks, do well at work, but now I just go through the motions at work and walk my dog around the same old block.

All I do is browse these forums and wait for the end. My supplies are nearly here. There was always something wrong with my brain but that problem will be fixed soon.
 
W

Walilamdzi

.
Mar 21, 2019
1,702
The only pleasure I really have left is the occasional funny moment with family and getting pleasure from eating.
 
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