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J

Journeytoletgo

Mage
Joined
May 14, 2018
Messages
563
I’m just so miserable. Everytime an unbearable thought comes to mind I tear up. And I hate when people expect me to take “happy pills” and it will solve me. It won’t solve my misery. The solution to my misery was to end myself ages 14-19. This is my biggest regret in life instead of being lied to it gets better. I’m tired of being strong for my parents so I don’t financially burden them. Alcohol numbs the pain of crying spells however even that is temporary. I just wish I could shut the tears off and work towards my goal of ending myself in October/November 2021.

im such a cry baby lol
 
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,454
Yep. I cry all the time. Eventually, I stop crying as often or at all. This is especially true when the anhedonia sets in. Then, my emotions become rather unpredictable. I feel like a sentient inanimate object if that is at all possible.
 
W

WaitingForTheBusInTh

Student
Joined
Nov 18, 2020
Messages
153
Oh boy yeah. The other day I think I had around 20 bouts of crying. The worst is when I'm at work because a) it's a warehouse so toughness is expected, and b) my warehouse manager is a chad narcissist and if he saw me crying he'd probably rip me to shreds.
If I wind up crying on my way to work I have to make sure my eyes arent red when I go in so people dont question me.
It's super annoying if (like me) you cry when you're mad, because then the person you're arguing with thinks you're doing it to garner sympathy
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Joined
Apr 27, 2019
Messages
1,327
Oh yea, I cry almost every single day.
I don’t mean a little tearful, I mean full blown swollen face, fucked up throat scream-crying.
This has been going on for years and it has basically permanently destroyed my eyelids, as if I needed any help looking any worse..
And yes, I have so many horrible things that take residence inside my mind, not just the present but memories of the past, and thoughts of the future (or lack thereof.)
I honestly don’t know the feeling of happiness and if I knew it once, I have since forgotten.
I think this is part of the reason I cannot sleep, I jolt up and sob at every pressing thought that relates back to my insufferable situation and I just cannot bear it!
I too, wish I had gotten this over with a long time ago, things have only become much, much worse.
WaitingForTheBusInTh said:
Oh boy yeah. The other day I think I had around 20 bouts of crying. The worst is when I'm at work because a) it's a warehouse so toughness is expected, and b) my warehouse manager is a chad narcissist and if he saw me crying he'd probably rip me to shreds.
If I wind up crying on my way to work I have to make sure my eyes arent red when I go in so people dont question me.
It's super annoying if (like me) you cry when you're mad, because then the person you're arguing with thinks you're doing it to garner sympathy
I cry when I’m angry too, I cry from an abundance of any emotion and always have.
I first realized I had a problem when I used to cry-as a child-every time my cousins left from visiting, yet none of them-nor my siblings, ever did.
I also cried early on in school, if I got a “poor” grade on an assignment or test, or if the teacher so much as used a stern voice with me.
So when you’re living in a hellscape on top of already being prone to crying, get ready for the fucking water works, like an inflamed Niagara Falls bursting out of your face.
It is extremely inconvenient, I have tried every technique and “trick” to prevent it and none of them work.
It is especially problematic when it happens during a doctor’s appointment, because then all their attention goes to the tears and your “unstable emotional state” instead of fixing or addressing the damn physical issue right in front of them.

And I hate when people say to stop as if I have any control over it..if I did I would have ended the tears years ago, even my own mother hardly ever cries and when I cry around her, she gives me the coldest stare you could imagine (which just makes me cry more).
The thing is, I have cried so much about my own situation-and everything that sets me off about it-since I’m the only one who will ever shed tears over myself, the only one who gives a damn about ‘me’ and the nightmare I endure, that I have grown apathetic to most other things..it’s as if I don’t have any tears left for anything else.

I am sorry you have to deal with this too, especially around people who are such assholes about it.
They shouldn’t take it as some sympathy-fishing vulnerability, because idk about you, but I could probably rip someone’s throat out with my bare teeth (what’s left of them) when I’m in a fit of tears!
Plus, they should respect the obvious and simple explanation..that you are going through a hard time and they need to refrain from busting your balls about it.
 
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