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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
My confidence and self esteem is gone. The burdens of life have worn away at me like water against a cliff. My mental defenses are stripped bare.

I don’t have the strength to keep battling my apartment neighbors. They complain about me for making any kind of noise. At first, I brushed it off but it wears at me. They don’t complain to the landlord because their complaints aren’t valid. I’ve explained to them that it’s an apartment and I can hear them too. They come back with “We can’t hear you. There isn’t a
problem.” Fucking gaslighting pieces of shit.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
Me too. I looked up how to have mental strength and it said “have a strong support group” “be proud of your achievements” “have goals and fulfill them.” If I were another person maybe.
Those are things I'm missing myself.
It makes me sad to know that.
 
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Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
Death would be easier to do if I could keep in mind that I won’t feel sad afterward. I won’t feel anything. A person could say “what about an afterlife?” I would say that if other species don’t get one then why should we?
The thing is that it's not up to us to decide how things should be, otherwise I would chose for things to be different.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Visionary
Mar 23, 2018
2,993
I feel the same way. I don't know that I've ever really been strong but now I don't have the energy to fight anymore.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Visionary
Mar 23, 2018
2,993
Me too. I looked up how to have mental strength and it said “have a strong support group” “be proud of your achievements” “have goals and fulfill them.” If I were another person maybe.


My goal now is to have the strength to end it.
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I love your use of the term "gaslighting," I have experienced this from many people, most of them if not all of them seemingly narcissists incapable of admitting fault, all the same time implying and blaming me while playing their role of victim and martyr themselves. I make mistakes, but at least I admit it and often profusely apologize and attempt to make some sort of amends, though relationships are not easy for me, gift giving is. Those sort of "If we're okay your problems don't matter" people and the might makes right people of the world. And I have done this too at times, depending on many factors, I vacillate on my emotions and assignment of blame, but then again, yes, I have seen the hypocrisy of the self-proclaimed righteous and virtuous true love types who only show their achievements, their good side, and sweep the bad under the rug, and it does anger me. But then again, I sort of do the same in my own way. Forgive my ramble please, coming down from dxm but took dph to space out a bit. I hope this helps you feel a bit better, I know this forum comforts me many times, misery loves company and deep down, I am not a happy person, my happy times are chemically induced these days, and I grow bored with the monotony and faint expectation of sufferings as I grow older every day.

Sorry if I thread hijacked, but yeah, I had neighbors at another apartment who made lots of noise above me but then when I played a little music they bitched and moaned. But then again, I was playing it at all hours for awhile there *chuckles* Strangely enough perhaps, here I make lots of random noises throughout the night as I am nocturnal, and often laugh whilst watching YouTube videos or some such thing, or whilst high, and never get a complaint. Strange indeed. Maybe solipism is real, or nah it's the drugs talking and my ego needing a stroke XD Feel better *sorry platitude I know we will but only to come back down again, but not even that some of us won't how ignorant of me *in a Michael Jackson voice* that's ignorant al la South Park* Okay <3 Oh and is your avatar from the 1992 animated Batman? Nostalgia, man, my favorite iteration but I may be a bit biased, loved its darkness and 1940s feel, what did they used to call that, art deco?
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
For some reason only in the night when I lie on my bed, and sometimes.

The rest of the day, no.
 
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saffron

saffron

Student
Jul 18, 2018
128
I feel really numb and dulled emotionally. I don't crave anything from life anymore, tired and just want to end it soon.
I leave the house once every few months.
 
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Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
What’s a delusion of yours?

I wonder if I have them too

I see things that aren't even there. Not in the supernatural sense though. And I hear people talking to me and I will reply to them and notice that I am just alone. Being alone is somehow worse. That's when my hallucinations intensify. I just black out sometimes. Most of the times, I live inside the scenarios of my head not knowing that they aren't real. And I keep losing track of time because of this.
 
K

KCN

El revisionismo en castillano
Jul 16, 2018
230
I lose and regain my confidence on a weekly basis, it's a neverending cycle. For a bunch of days I convince myself that I can stand up tall, then I crumble down in the next days; I've been putting this show on play for years.

I can't get a proper closure. Not that it matters, I'm still able to put a mask on and going forward clenching my teeth. But it's obviously exhausting.
 
saffron

saffron

Student
Jul 18, 2018
128
I lose and regain my confidence on a weekly basis, it's a neverending cycle. For a bunch of days I convince myself that I can stand up tall, then I crumble down in the next days; I've been putting this show on play for years.

I can't get a proper closure. Not that it matters, I'm still able to put a mask on and going forward clenching my teeth. But it's obviously exhausting.

I feel you. Most of my friends know I'm going to do it but I wish I could tell my family and they'd openly accept it lol.
Wish my mum would be like to me "Hey anon, Happy bday. Here's two bottles of N for you, poppet. No tears, only dreams now..."

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/056/626/a65.jpg
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
I see things that aren't even there. Not in the supernatural sense though. And I hear people talking to me and I will reply to them and notice that I am just alone. Being alone is somehow worse. That's when my hallucinations intensify. I just black out sometimes. Most of the times, I live inside the scenarios of my head not knowing that they aren't real. And I keep losing track of time because of this.
That’s so scary omg!