Smilla

Smilla

-
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
No. I’m 38, have lived long enough.

I can imagine for younger folks the desire might still be there for a better life. I’ve got no spark left, but if you have any (which it sounds like you do), then try everything to keep it going.

When you are certain like me, you are certain.
 
deathwish

deathwish

-
Jun 16, 2018
71
Binary logic best logic.

Were my desire to be happy greater than my desire to die, I would not be suicidal.

Das for me, who loves binary logic, not sayin you're being illogical. No, no, opposite desires can exist simultaneously, outside of binary, of course. x3
 
ghoulish.fool

ghoulish.fool

Member
Apr 16, 2018
40
Yeah. I've been happy for both short periods and longer periods of time and it's really nice. I was still aware of how much things suck or potentially suck but I was happy and didn't care. I'd give anything to be happy and enjoy life more than I loathe it but I can never tip the scale.
 
I've waited so long

I've waited so long

Student
Jul 11, 2018
141
Yeah. I've been happy for both short periods and longer periods of time and it's really nice. I was still aware of how much things suck or potentially suck but I was happy and didn't care. I'd give anything to be happy and enjoy life more than I loathe it but I can never tip the scale.
Same. I Just Wish For A Balance Of Feelings. Instead of 89% Depression 11%Happy Boy.
My Current Mood Song
 
I've waited so long

I've waited so long

Student
Jul 11, 2018
141
It may not be for everybody but I am so glad that we have music as a comfort, outlet, and/or a way to relate to other people (the artists themselves or other fans)
Yeah For sure, it's one of the strongest things keeping me partially sane, also thanks for talking to me even if its a couple messages, feels good.
another song
 
I've waited so long

I've waited so long

Student
Jul 11, 2018
141
Share all the music you want, friend. This one is definitely a heart strumming song. Could be great if you have someone or in love and terrible if you're dealing with heartbreak.
I"m partially Suicidal ANd I Know This means Nothing, But I love You Man. It's An Empty Gesture especially over the net. But I Truly Hope everyone on this website get what they want, wheather it be death or a better life. I love you Tho. Be Safe and Find your freedom.
 
ghoulish.fool

ghoulish.fool

Member
Apr 16, 2018
40
I"m partially Suicidal ANd I Know This means Nothing, But I love You Man. It's An Empty Gesture especially over the net. But I Truly Hope everyone on this website get what they want, wheather it be death or a better life. I love you Tho. Be Safe and Find your freedom.
Don't sell yourself short. I appreciate your kindness and support. I hope the same for you and anybody else that travels this site. Relief is what we all seek in one way or another. And I know it doesn't matter but I'm a girl. I don't mind dude though.
 
I've waited so long

I've waited so long

Student
Jul 11, 2018
141
Don't sell yourself short. I appreciate your kindness and support. I hope the same for you and anybody else that travels this site. Relief is what we all seek in one way or another. And I know it doesn't matter but I'm a girl. I don't mind dude though.
Thank you so much, that touches my heart, I'm a Sensitive Soul I Cry At A Drop Of A hat I'm Just A Ghost Trying To Find that paradise.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
633
Finally having the necessary courage & determination to commit suicide would make me pretty happy. Literally the only thing that could.

5zBcSSZ.png
 
Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
Finally having the necessary courage & determination to commit suicide would make me pretty happy. Literally the only thing that could.

5zBcSSZ.png
Have you thought of taking yourself out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in a position where death is more of an option?
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
A long time ago, yes and it was my jail. You grow and you discover happiness is simply not reachable. But even if it was possible for me in a future, I'm extremely broken, tired and burned of everything. I'm just marked forever.
 
Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Paragon
Jul 9, 2018
974
Happiness is dependent upon the cards your dealt, you need at least something to stay at the table. I got the were going to convict you for something you didn't do lottery. Once your reputation is completely destroyed in the worst way possible there truly is nothing left, if there is a god ,I think he'll just say "you put up with alot, what the hell took you so long to get here?
 
Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
Have you thought of taking yourself out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in a position where death is more of an option?

Based on his posts, his problem is that his brain will always fight against him and win when he tries to commit suicide. He has a powerful instinct for survival. His best option would to go somewhere like a forest in Alaska, where it's impossible to survive if you don't have the right skills and gear. Then no matter how hard his brain tries to fight for survival, he will die anyway.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
633
Have you thought of taking yourself out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in a position where death is more of an option?


How so? Outside of deliberately making my personal existence as awful as possible, I'm honestly not sure what else it is I could do to make suicide more realistically attainable. The fact that my life will need to get even worse than it is now if I'm to have any hope of overcoming my weak inhibitions, is really almost too much to comprehend. Ideally, I'd like to go out like Socrates. Through the conviction of my ideals without the need of extreme pain as a fuel source. To kill myself solely because it's the most logical thing to do given that this is a universe of pain and life simply isn't worth living under any circumstances.

His best option would to go somewhere like a forest in Alaska, where it's impossible to survive if you don't have the right skills and gear. Then no matter how hard his brain tries to fight for survival, he will die anyway.

Heh, haven't you seen "Into the Wild"? That's the last way I'd want to die. Besides, choosing to go to Alaska and starve to death like that overconfident idiot Chris McCandless would be just as impossible for me as any other suicide method. Knowingly putting myself in a position of certain death and then having to cross the threshold of no return, would be the same no matter what it is. Gun in mouth with finger on the trigger, standing on the ledge of a tall building, N nearby and ready to be taken (etc.) Consciously having to cross that precipice between life & death is the real issue here. My best option, my only option really, would be a death that doesn't require my consent or participation. Being randomly murdered, dying in my sleep, stricken with a terminal illness (etc.) So basically, I'm just waiting for the miracle of death to arrive, since I'm too weak to summon it myself. I suppose some might wonder why I come to a suicide forum if I'm so completely incapable of committing suicide, but what can I say? The desire's there, I'm just too weak to make it happen.

 
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Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
How so? Outside of deliberately making my personal existence as awful as possible, I'm honestly not sure what else it is I could do to make suicide more realistically attainable. The fact that my life will need to get even worse than it is now if I'm to have any hope of overcoming my weak inhibitions, is really almost too much to comprehend. Ideally, I'd like to go out like Socrates. Through the conviction of my ideals without the need of extreme pain as a fuel source. To kill myself solely because it's the most logical thing to do given that this is a universe of pain and life simply isn't worth living under any circumstances.



Heh, haven't you seen "Into the Wild"? That's the last way I'd want to die. Besides, choosing to go to Alaska and starve to death like that overconfident idiot Chris McCandless would be just as impossible for me as any other suicide method. Knowingly putting myself in a position of certain death and then having to cross the threshold of no return, would be the same no matter what it is. Gun in mouth with finger on the trigger, standing on the ledge of a tall building, N nearby and ready to be taken (etc.) Consciously having to cross that precipice between life & death is the real issue here. My best option, my only option really, would be a death that doesn't require my consent or participation. Being randomly murdered, dying in my sleep, stricken with a terminal illness (etc.) So basically, I'm just waiting for the miracle of death to arrive, since I'm too weak to summon it myself. I suppose some might wonder why I come to a suicide forum if I'm so completely incapable of committing suicide, but what can I say? The desire's there, I'm just too weak to make it happen.


Yeah, you are right. Never mind then. Walking into that forest would be no different than pulling a trigger. EDIT: Unless you are someone like Chris McCandless but obviously you are nothing like him.
 
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Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
633
Yeah, you are right. Never mind then. Walking into that forest would be no different than pulling a trigger. EDIT: Unless you are someone like Chris McCandless but obviously you are nothing like him.

Well, who can say? Maybe he wasn't just a dumbass. Perhaps he really did want to commit suicide. Apparently, him and his sister suffered a lot of abuse growing up, so maybe this was just his roundabout way of finally being rid of all the pain he had previously endured and was already carrying. The truth might lie somewhere in between, I'd imagine. He could have partially wanted to die, but, at the same time, still had a ridiculous arrogance that he could somehow "make it" in one of the toughest landscapes on the planet with zero experience or training. Hell, even Les fucking Stroud, survival expert extraordinaire, (and one of the few people I admire) when asked what he thought about Chris, more or less called him a clueless retard, who tried to treat something as unforgiving as survival in harsh wilderness like it were a fucking game, or a five day getaway resort. I can't help, but agree with him, frankly. Living by the rhythms and whims of nature is tough, and if you don't know exactly what you're doing and adapt accordingly to an ever changing situation, you'll die. It's really that simple. You needn't look any further than Chris himself to see evidence enough of that. Reminds of that other Darwin award winner Timothy Treadwell. Treating wild grizzly bears as if they were his personal pets. Goes to show that a lack of humility or respect towards nature can take many forms. People are fucking nuts.

Either way, I'd consider myself more of a Christopher Knight sort. If I had a spirit animal, he'd be it. Also a far better example of someone with little to no training who managed to survive for multiple decades in a rugged landscape, albeit by some unseemly, but pretty harmless methods. Most prominent of which being, was him breaking into various cabins and other housing units, in the off seasons, since they were unoccupied, so as to scavenge supplies and other miscellaneous items. Sadly, it eventually became his undoing, but all in all, he did rather well for himself. Plus, he didn't go to jail, just a light slap of community service. I can't help, but wonder if he'll ever go back out there again.

Solitude increased my perception. But here's the tricky thing: when I applied my increased perception to myself, I lost my identity. There was no audience, no one to perform for. There was no need to define myself. I became irrelevant. Isolation felt more like communion...To put it romantically, I was completely free.

Christopher Thomas Knight - The Extraordinary Story of The Last True Hermit

“The more you realize, the more you realize there is nothing to realize,” he said. “The idea that there’s somewhere we have got to get to, and something we have to attain, is our basic delusion.”

Christopher Thomas Knight - The Extraordinary Story of The Last True Hermit

hermit-index.jpg
 
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A

adevessa

Member
Jul 11, 2018
7
I used to be torn between wanting to get better and wanting to die. But I've gotten to the point now where I just don't think I'm ever going to get better. There's no point anymore.
 

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