G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,025
Ex won’t stop telling me it will destroy the kids. I don’t want to hurt them I just can’t cope with life.

Anyone else in this position? How are you feeling about leaving the kids? Are you alive for them?
 
H

hatelife

Experienced
Oct 13, 2019
269
I dont have kids, but its the reason I havent had them yet at 32 as I made that decision some years ago even if I kinda want them now again but, it would not be fair as I have been suicidal on and off since age 18 so dont want to leave them behind, but I will be leaving my mom behind if I do it and it would crush her so I feel we all have somebody who would maybe hurt nomatter if we have kids or not, I dont know, have u been to therapy or tried medicine, ect?
Just remember u are not a bad person, but your ex should try to help you, why do you want to die?
 
  • Like
Reactions: LittleJem and IvanK
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,025
I dont have kids, but its the reason I havent had them yet at 32 as I made that decision some years ago even if I kinda want them now again but, it would not be fair as I have been suicidal on and off since age 18 so dont want to leave them behind, but I will be leaving my mom behind if I do it and it would crush her so I feel we all have somebody who would maybe hurt nomatter if we have kids or not, I dont know, have u been to therapy or tried medicine, ect?
Just remember u are not a bad person, but your ex should try to help you, why do you want to die?

I go to therapy, and am in an antidepressant. Losing my ex and splitting the household shattered my self worth and made me feel like a failure.i won’t be able to support the kids and Am disable. I will be dependent on my ex rest of my life, and will never have my family back and will get to watch him with his new gf playing happy family.
Does ex have any suggestions for making life copeable? Perhaps taking responsibility for his own behaviors and ceasing his manipulation and douchebaggery?

Nope, but he will support them fully and give me primary custody to not kill myself so guess I should count my blessings.
 
H

hatelife

Experienced
Oct 13, 2019
269
I go to therapy, and am in an antidepressant. Losing my ex and splitting the household shattered my self worth and made me feel like a failure.i won’t be able to support the kids and Am disable. I will be dependent on my ex rest of my life, and will never have my family back and will get to watch him with his new gf playing happy family.


Nope, but he will support them fully and give me primary custody to not kill myself so guess I should count my blessings.
im sorry u married such a bad guy, but your kids mean more, men come and go, kids are forever your little angels.

Im alone also and have been my whole life, I just moved back home to my parents for a bit and maybe forever at 32, u know I feel like a failure also, I cant do anything on my own now because of depression and I have lost alot of my hair and make me feel unfeminine, and people have called me ugly and I am I guess and also have mocked me, I get how u feel, this world can be so cruel and bad.

Do you have any support from your parents or church?
 
Last edited:
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,735
Nope, but he will support them fully and give me primary custody to not kill myself so guess I should count my blessings.

So what do you need that would make life copeable?
And is all of it solely within his power?

Edit: I know that's not in the scope of this thread. No expectations of you to respond!
 
  • Like
Reactions: hatelife
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,025
So what do you need that would make life copeable?
And is all of it solely within his power?

Edit: I know that's not in the scope of this thread. No expectations of you to respond!

I honestly don’t know. Maybe I just need to adjust since him offering some control is new. This last couple months has just been really intense, and until I expressed desire to die the took full control of everything, Being in limbo waiting to see if the future will be livable or a train wreck is awful.
 
E

escapefromabuse

Here's Tom with the weather
Jan 25, 2020
175
I honestly don’t know. Maybe I just need to adjust since him offering some control is new. This last couple months has just been really intense, and until I expressed desire to die the took full control of everything, Being in limbo waiting to see if the future will be livable or a train wreck is awful.

I'm so sorry RoseyBird and I totally understand what you're going through. I hope your ex is understanding.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LMLN
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,735
I honestly don’t know. Maybe I just need to adjust since him offering some control is new. This last couple months has just been really intense, and until I expressed desire to die the took full control of everything, Being in limbo waiting to see if the future will be livable or a train wreck is awful.

Can you talk to a DV social worker to get some empowering suggestions and support?

I hate to see you forced to use ctb as a bargaining chip, he could just turn it around to his advantage at some point. Not implying you used it as one! It's just that, if this is the only thing that's brought you power, if used again it could backfire, given his propensity to control.
 
E

escapefromabuse

Here's Tom with the weather
Jan 25, 2020
175
Can you talk to a DV social worker to get some empowering suggestions and support?

I hate to see you forced to use ctb as a bargaining chip, he could just turn it around to his advantage at some point. Not implying you used it as one! It's just that, if this is the only thing that's brought you power, if used again it could backfire, given his propensity to control.

Truth. Last August I got super drunk and almost impulse ctb. I called her and suggested she call 911. She used to opportunity to ask the court that I get supervised visitation. She wasn't so worried about me that she answered the phone or returned my phone call that night. I could've been dead and she'd never have known.
 
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,025
Can you talk to a DV social worker to get some empowering suggestions and support?

I hate to see you forced to use ctb as a bargaining chip, he could just turn it around to his advantage at some point. Not implying you used it as one! It's just that, if this is the only thing that's brought you power, if used again it could backfire, given his propensity to control.

I will look into that, ty.

i didnt know if he would care at all if i ctb. i was ready to go and needed him to watch the kids. It will alway be an option for me if he takes them. I don’t need to threaten it in the future as it’s known I won’t be able to cope with being alone and ctb. I think he is afraid my 8 year old will blame and hate him if i die, and he doesn’t want feel like it’s his fault for leaving.
Truth. Last August I got super drunk and almost impulse ctb. I called her and suggested she call 911. She used to opportunity to ask the court that I get supervised visitation. She wasn't so worried about me that she answered the phone or returned my phone call that night. I could've been dead and she'd never have known.

That’s awful. Being a threat to yourself doesn’t mean you’re a threat to the children.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GoodPersonEffed
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,735
@RoseyBird , for your own edification, and so that you can list for a DV counselor/social worker your ex's tactics, I recommend this Wiki article:


Open the section Theories on Successful Manipulation, scroll down to the list under "According to Simon" (George Simon).
 
B

BiancaW79

New Member
Jan 27, 2020
2
Ex won’t stop telling me it will destroy the kids. I don’t want to hurt them I just can’t cope with life.

Anyone else in this position? How are you feeling about leaving the kids? Are you alive for them?
Another one here. Guilt tripping doesn't work with me, when it's external. Blame myself more than anyone else ever could. They are the reason I am still here. And the fact I failed last night-again...
 
k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Jun 27, 2019
2,542
My son is the reason I'm still here. He is technically an adult. But I know my demise would devastate him. I sympathize with you ❤. I feel trapped in agony. Because I dont want to hurt him
I'm basically in the same boat. I keep trying to convince myself he's ok and doesn't need me much anymore, but it's not working. Right now he and my best friend are my anchors. It's so hard.
 
MsMaudlin

MsMaudlin

This is the fierce last stand of all I am
Dec 8, 2019
876
Yes, I have 3 kids, 2 of whom are grown up. It would devastate them all, but probably not surprise them ❤
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: LMLN
LMLN

LMLN

Paragon
Aug 10, 2019
931
Yes, I have 3 kids, 2 of whom are grown up. It would devastate them all, but probably not surprise them ❤
I know. My son would not be surprised but would be devastated. I had an attempt and he completely lost it. It makes me want to try for him because I do not want to hurt him. I just do not think I can make it much longer. I'm doing everything I can imagine to try and help myself. It's for him. But I suppose to really work it has to be for me. I'm not there at this point. :(
 
M

mayflower

Member
Dec 27, 2019
36
This is totally me

My son is the reason I'm still here. He is technically an adult. But I know my demise would devastate him. I sympathize with you ❤. I feel trapped in agony. Because I dont want to hurt him
I'm
 
  • Love
Reactions: LMLN
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,025
You’re all awesome. It’s hard to be so selfless to endure mental and/or physical anguish for our children.

i hope each of does at least one thing each day to treat and reward yourself for getting through another day. For me it’s usually a yummy snack.
 
LMLN

LMLN

Paragon
Aug 10, 2019
931
You’re all awesome. It’s hard to be so selfless to endure mental and/or physical anguish for our children.

i hope each of does at least one thing each day to treat and reward yourself for getting through another day. For me it’s usually a yummy snack.
I've been buying clothes on Amazon lol. Clothes I dont really need.
 
  • Love
Reactions: JustVisiting
JustVisiting

JustVisiting

Brain Tumour Killing Me
Dec 18, 2019
242
Ex won’t stop telling me it will destroy the kids. I don’t want to hurt them I just can’t cope with life.

Anyone else in this position? How are you feeling about leaving the kids? Are you alive for them?
Yes. Still alive for her. My brain will dictate how much longer I can hang on. ❤️
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,518
No I'm a piece of shit for wanting to have one for my girlfriend then dying anyway. I'm a piece of shit if I don't too
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: LittleJem and LMLN
TheEndof

TheEndof

It's getting dark and it's getting cold
Dec 31, 2019
146
Oh yeah. I'm only here because of mine. I feel like an even bigger piece of work because I chose to bring him into the world and failed at giving him the life I always wanted for my kids. I did every possible thing to prevent it, but ended up in an even worse position than I ever thought possible. I feel so much guilt. And shame.