- Jun 18, 2018
my 20s have been one of isolation
Do u know what might have made the ptsd worse? Like did something happen?I was a social person like most people until 2015... Before 2015, I could walk up to a stranger, and become friends with that person easily. I had friends, got invited to parties etc. I was confident and good at socializing with people. I could meet strangers and we would have conversations for hours on trains, buses etc. Strangers would invite me to their homes. Then in 2015, my PTSD became more severe. Now I only interact with people when I have no choice. And I can't interact with people, unless I take some Xanax first. So I guess I'm kind of a hermit, now.
Do u know what might have made the ptsd worse? Like did something happen?
I have been a hikikomori for 10 years since my first psychotic break (which ended in me being diagnosed with schizophrenia and put on meds). I read recently that being a hikikomori is normal for someone with my condition (8 years pass by average until the person seeks employment after the first pychotic break). I also have depression and I am always depressed without meds. If I didn't have any of this mental problems I would have been a happy normal person, like my sister, but fate wanted me to suffer. My brain is slowly getting worse and I wasn't able to study what I wanted in the first place, which is why I stopped trying to study and decided to focus my mind on suicide instead.Yep. Been a hikikomori for 11 years now. I've mentioned this a couple times before here, but my total time spent outside in these last 11 years (including time spent in a vehicle) is almost certainly less than 150-200 hours. And again, I literally can't even remember the last time I was outside completely on my own. Isolation is what I live and breath. I did finally go for a late night drive with my mom recently, after close to a year without leaving the house. Didn't get out of the car, though. Not sure if I'll do it again. I'll probably just end up spending another huge chunk of months indoors like I've always done. Go out for a brief drive with my mother since I don't have my license, spend upwards of a few months without leaving the house, go for another drive, spend another few months in the house (etc, etc.) I'm basically living the life of Dae-su Oh from the Korean film Oldboy. Only 4 more years and I'll have been in this room for as long as he was in his. I've yet to see anyone online who can match up to that same level of voluntary confinement in a similar way to myself. Kinda depressing, to be honest. I'm the hermit of hermits.
My family was not judgemental and understanding but part of the reason I ended in this situation has to do with the abuse I endured as a result of my family environment. I was simply supporting myself financially the way that I could but this is illegal unfortunately.
Sounds like anorexia. I hope you know that psychiatry is mostly a fraud. Only a very small percentage of people are truly mentally ill. The rest of us suffered trauma, or we were neglected, not parented correctly, kids put in daycare, educated in shitty forced public schooling which is not about educating us by the way. Many of us mostly need to learn coping skills and face the things we fear to be able to get stronger. But I don’t know u so I’m not saying it might not be mental illness. I’m just telling u this because I suffered a lot because of various diagnoses and being put on tons of psych meds when in reality I had been traumatized and badly socialized. In response to shattered dreams.
You might be able to do things to improve that, hormones, diet, lifting weights. Get hormones checked to see if u are low in testosterone for example. You can get bioidentical hormones which are cheaper than synthetic. But I get that it’s painful to even be seen at this point. I know this is all easy for me to say because I don’t know how bad it is or the other environmental factors around you.I feel like I am fat. I am what is called skinny fat, or professionally called normal weight obesity.
Thank you, my testosterone is very low and I am hypothyroid. I cannot lose weight no matter what I tried other than dnp. For me, it is a win win. Either I will lose weight or the dnp will kill me. Since I would rather be dead than fat, I cannot lose. So far, I am losing fat like crazy. I love it. Got my first smile from a girl half my age on Friday.
You cannot possibly have an iq of 87 if u spend your time reading books and like being alone all the time. Lol!I'm living the dream as a hermit. I love being alone all the time. Just reading books. I've also spent my life doing other things like being social so I know how its like on both sides but being a hermit is by far the most fulfilling.