- Jun 18, 2018
I realize that everyone is selfish and eventually insufferable. Living is just masochistic.
I purposefully estranged myself from my siblings and dad. They live across the country. They’ll never know I’m gone. I’ve got a mom and wife then who I will probably destroy, but they have support systems and won’t be left alone. Life insurance payout should let her get a house if she even wanted.
Whatever, she’ll be set for options.
I feel bad but the people in my life cannot help me regain the will to live. I don’t want to be around people who care about me while I’m a miserable wreck who cannot function well in life. I have to pretend to be ok all the time and that is really hard. I think my oncoming suicide is the result of repeated heartbreaks and maybe to an extent resentment over feeling like I was fucked from the start and set up for a hellish unsuccessful existence. I can’t get passed the betrayal of evil parents and the evil of the government. The government is complicit in much unnecessary suffering, bc it creates the kinds of situations that often disadvantaged kids are born into. It’s not inevitable that a child has to come into a shitty environment if there weren’t vested interests in providing incentives for parents not to be good parents.
Yep our education system is about equality of outcome not equality of opportunity. So if u happen to be above average IQ in public school there’s a good chance this will harm your future potential. Because they cater to the lowest common denominator in gov indoctrination camps.I really care about educating the next generation..we would need bright minds to lead the country when (I would have) retired. But then you see kids unable to afford basic school essentials, teachers paying out of pocket, cutting corners in the most important budgets we have. So yes, that was in reference to the poor kids who are at a disadvantage to succeed.
I still care very much about how my suicide will affect my husband and sister. I can't stop thinking about it. But, it's not enough to make me stop. I really have no choice, financially. I refuse to be homeless.
That will be much the same scenario for me too, I’m afraid.Since joining SS has been the only time in my life I'm glad I have absolutely no one else. I am one of those people we read about who die and the only clues to their death are the mounting uncollected mail in their mailboxes (or slots) AND the rancid odor coming from their weeks-long putrefying bodies.