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HereToday

HereToday

Arcanist
Joined
Dec 27, 2019
Messages
439
I've always felt like the universe was against me. My life has been hell from the start and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) goes wrong for me. I always said I was cursed. I try so hard to be a kind, generous, compassionate person and it gets me nowhere. But bad people are out there living good lives? If God exists, he has a lot of explaining to do. If there is no such thing, what's the point in going through this anyway.

I'm trying to recover and live the life I always dreamed of but I feel like the universe is just pushing me to give up. I have nothing going for me. No qualifications, dropped out of university, no job. Health issues that make daily life difficult. What kind of future could I possibly have?

To make matters worse I'm currently abroad for my nose job next week (something I've wanted my whole life as my nose is the root of all my insecurities), which has now been cancelled because of coronavirus. As if I genuinely believed the universe would let me do something that would make me happy... It really sent a pandemic to put a stop to that. You can't make this shit up.

I'm starting to think I'm meant to kill myself. Hell maybe I was never meant for this world in the first place. I'm just sick and tired of life constantly kicking me down. Maybe it's time to give up
 
the box is empty

the box is empty

Sometimes the fall kills you. Sometimes you fly.
Joined
Mar 8, 2020
Messages
356
What can you fix right now? What is the life you’ve always dreamed of?

The world is against you. It’s against all of us. It’s not personally unfair though.
 
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Beautiful_Disgrace

Beautiful_Disgrace

Invisible shadow
Joined
Mar 8, 2020
Messages
134
Sometimes, when I’m really depressed. But when I’m moderately depressed I just force myself to suck it up. I’ve accepted that shit sucks for me. Some people are born to be loved and have everything easy. And then there’s people like me. It’s whatever, I guess.
 
N

noaccount

Mage
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
552
Curses - yeah - maybe from the collective unconscious, the way people bully each other taking on a beyond-human mind of its own, who knows? - things that make it more damaging or more triggering to act in healthier ways, or make us get sick or get flat tires or lose our phones just when we were about to do some meaningful things with allies. And we 'have to' (as long as we stay living?) keep doing the healthier, more-just things anyway - though good deeds don't go unpunished - maybe we become more selective, about who we share our healing with. maybe we realize that if we're not careful, the same forces can warp *our* actions to be weapons against *other* people's liberation - maybe we have to re-examine our values, our unmet needs, our investments in power-structures. maybe it's enough, or maybe not.
 
YukiFox

YukiFox

Pastel demon
Joined
Dec 8, 2018
Messages
326
I'm aware of that. Because I want to live as a transgender woman I fear a lot what society will do to me, and that jeopardizes my recovery. But I was hopeless as male so I feel like don't proceed to live in my desired gender will trigger even more my despair. I'll try to resist.
 

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