Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
As a result, I can’t hold down a job. I was late to my dental appointment and they wouldn’t see me. Their next available date is several months from now. I’ve tried leaving earlier but it’s always a battle. Fuck this.

And it’s SO HOT outside. It’s truly some kind of Hell.
 
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Comatose11

Mage
Jul 26, 2018
576
I’m rarely late but used to be late all the time. It also made me want to CTB.
 
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Done

Student
Jul 28, 2018
124
I used to be late ALL the time too. Was known by everyone in my life as running on "island time" lol. When I was trying to change this behavior, what I did in the beginning was lie to myself. If I had to be at a place at 10 am, for example, I would tell myself I had to be there at 9 am. I struggled a little but eventually it worked. Now I don't lie to myself, if I have to be at a place at a certain time, I always make it the case that I get there at least 10 minutes before the time I'm supposed to be there. Sometimes I am late but then it is legitimate lateness due to traffic, train problems, etc.

For most of my life though I've always been late and I remember feeling so helpless and hopeless that the behavior would never change. It made it feel like it would be impossible to ever function as a normal person, and that life just wasn't for me. It wasn't the only reason to want to ctb at the time, but it definitely compounded the problem. I also think in my case, being late all the time was tied to anxiety and depression. I had anxiety to leave the house, see people, feel the need to look perfect, etc. At the time I didn't realize it though. Maybe your lateness is tied to something deeper?
 
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Comatose11

Mage
Jul 26, 2018
576
How did you change in order to be on time?

I know this isn’t helpful but I had to force myself so I could keep my job.

Edit: Now that I think about it, I told myself that I had to get ready before doing anything else. So I had to get dressed and get groomed before I could do anything else. It has helped me a lot. I hope this was able to help some.
 
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Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
Disasterous trip to South Dakota from Denver CO making me want to ctb. I watched shit about paying off debt videos by Dave Ramsey smart man by the way and felt like ctb even worse. I have who knows how much student loan debt now with added interest bc I couldn’t handle the jobs I went to school for. Life sucks :( sorry off the subject but I definitely had the issue of being on time as well. Constant problems there.
 
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Aponia & Ataraxia

Aponia & Ataraxia

Experienced
Jun 24, 2018
235
A world run by clocks, and where one pays for more duration with the erosion of their very body in time, is as invalid as it gets to begin with. Aging is the fee to even exist here. When you think about this more clearly you will see the inherent absurdities. And then of course everyone dies in the end, --in a species where the collective mental illness is this denial of death. Since you've only ever had a Homo sapiens experience, you view everything through an anthropomorphic lens and make judgments based on that arbitrary standard, when in reality humans are likely the hydrothermal-vent crabs of the cosmos (very unlikely are they the bottlenose dolphins of the cosmos). Doesn't get much more absurd than that, and can even lead one to think: "is this some kind of joke?"

Only autotelic activity done for its own sake, has any intrinsic value in the moment, in a world where the vast majority of moments are spent doing things far from autotelic : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autotelic#Flow
 
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