D

dlx

New Member
May 30, 2018
2
They've done so much for me growing up, and I feel like they don't deserve to have their hard work and purpose destroyed under their nose like that. Sometimes I wish I just didn't exist, that I don't have to go through the process of dying so I won't hurt them. Anyone else feel the same?
 
D

dlx

New Member
May 30, 2018
2
I understand, but I also feel some sense of guilt because of how much time they've spent with me and that they actually care. And I think that I shouldn't feel this way with all their care but I still do. After they go however, I have nothing holding me back.
 
Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
I understand, but I also feel some sense of guilt because of how much time they've spent with me and that they actually care. And I think that I shouldn't feel this way with all their care but I still do. After they go however, I have nothing holding me back.

I guess when it boils down to it's about what's more important to you, your own comfort or theirs. Sorry, it's a shitty circumstance to have to choose, I know.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
The only thing about I could feel bad is about can't see their faces when they find my corpse lying in the ground. That faces should be memorable.

And no, I won't feel guilt, they deserve it.
 
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mothfly

mothfly

dancing in the sunshower, baby
Mar 20, 2018
21
Yeah, in my case it's grandparents I keep living for... My parents are actually the ones who made me like this........
 
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Nate

Member
May 11, 2018
66
They've done so much for me growing up, and I feel like they don't deserve to have their hard work and purpose destroyed under their nose like that. Sometimes I wish I just didn't exist, that I don't have to go through the process of dying so I won't hurt them. Anyone else feel the same?
Yeah I wish I wasn't born so there'd be no pain to deal with my suicide. I've thought about it a lot, I'm sure it will hurt them in ways I can't imagine. It sounds cold but.. I know I'm being selfish in going through with it. I won't be able to see them sad when I'm gone. So I admit I'm an asshole for it. I've wrote in my note not to blame themselves and I simply don't want to live and I don't blame them at all. I hope it helps.
 
P

Pallf

I'm tired
May 27, 2018
247
I do love my family, so I may wait on ctb until my parents and grandmother are gone from this world.
The last thing I wanna do is hurt them, but I'm in emotional pain too and it can be unbearable.
I wish there wasn't a stigma attached to suicide. I wish suicide was viewed as noteworthy as an old person dying of natural causes.
 
FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
My problem exactly. Aside from the normal fearf of death, guilt and obligation are what keep me life.
 
R

Raphael

New Member
May 27, 2018
1
Yes. After a conversation with my Mother about this, she threatened that she would do something to herself if i ctb.
I don’t really know how to deal with so much guilt. Maybe I should just end it as fast as possible and stop thinking about her.
 
Quality of Living

Quality of Living

Meh.
Jun 6, 2018
3
Not in the least.

Echoing what some others have said, I didn't ask to be brought into this life. Ergo, I feel it is somewhat poetic that I am now imbued with the ability to end my life as I please.
 
El Topo

El Topo

(---)
Apr 21, 2018
480
That's 100% me! Whenever my parents go out on a long trip I spend the whole time fantacizing about thier car accident or airplane. If that actually happened It would feel like winning a lotto.

Oh god, I know exactly what you mean. I live with my parents due to health issues, and whenever they go out, part of me fantasizes about them dying in a car accident or terrorist attack or something. When it gets really late at night and they still haven't come home, I start getting excited because I think maybe it happened this time, and then when I hear the garage door opening, I feel disappointed.

Ugh, I hate admitting it because I do still care about them.
 
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Kira

Kira

Same stuff, different day
Apr 27, 2018
130
I don't want to hurt my parents, or anyone for that matter, but they wouldn't stop me from doing it. The only person that could really hold me back is my brother.
 
A

Acid_Phreak

New Member
Jun 6, 2018
4
I kind of want my parents to have to deal with the result of their utter failures. That’s abusive and crazy, I know. My time probably won’t come within their lifetimes, but we will see. But if it happens within my mom’s lifetime, part of me doesn’t want to cause her anymore pain than she already lives in, part of me says she should have to clean up the body
 
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Kogoruhn

Kogoruhn

Student
May 20, 2018
109
I'm on the same boat, I can't imagine my mom's and brother pain if i ctb.
 
R

ReleaseMe

I know it's over And it never really began
May 26, 2018
121
This is my problem as well. My parents went through 10+ years of ever worsening perma-crisis with me. Obviously they couldn't help me but it breaks my heart to think about the consequences of me ctb. No matter what I do, it was all for nothing and I wish I had done it earlier. My parents will turn 70 in 2 years. Sometimes I thought I would wait until they are dead but I just can't live like this any more
 
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FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
This is my problem as well. My parents went through 10+ years of ever worsening perma-crisis with me. Obviously they couldn't help me but it breaks my heart to think about the consequences of me ctb. No matter what I do, it was all for nothing and I wish I had done it earlier. My parents will turn 70 in 2 years. Sometimes I thought I would wait until they are dead but I just can't live like this any more
Perma-crisis - I like this term! I feel like batshit crazy has become the new normal for many of us here. I remember the good ol' days when I thought I had a chance. LOL
 
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accidentaldeath

accidentaldeath

Student
May 29, 2018
107
Same problem here. Some of you blame your parents for giving you life. At least in my case, they gave me the best life they could, and they both did a great job, for me they are the best parents in the world. I have a great relationship with them. So the main problem for me to be still here is that if I commit suicide and it looks like a suicide they won't ever overcome with it.
 
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AveryConure

AveryConure

Some idiot
May 11, 2018
438
I've thought about it cause I honestly don't hate my family and think they honestly tried to give me a decent life, but I'd be dead and won't see their reaction and life has to go on and they'll eventually get over it.

If it'll help any when I write my suicide note I'll have to say none of this was their fault nothing they could do etc. but like everyone else said I didn't really want to be here in the first place anyways.
 
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