thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

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Jul 14, 2018
307
I was diagnosed with Aspergers (high functioning autism) in 2015 but there were a few doubts about whether I had it as well as doubts from myself. I probably have it because of my very weird way of speaking IRL and on online forums, strained social connections with pretty much classmates, authority figures, family members and obsessions. As well as that, I've had little interest in sex despite doctors confirming that I have normal testosterone levels.

I think my life is probably ruined and I don't mean that in an angsty way. I don't think my parents have been realistic about how much better my life could get. I'm 20 and failed (got 6F's and 1E) in my HS exams, don't have a single friend, parents and extended family really suck (extremely homophobic and beat their kids to death). As well as that, my psychiatrist reported me from homicidal ideation so I'm on the police watchlist as well..."thanks" doctor. I'm seriously sick and tired of this life. It's utter B.S.

Back to the topic, is anyone here like this?
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
No, but if it makes you feel better, that five things sucks and didn't fulfill me at all. I was integrated in society all my life (I'm still integrated) so I know what I'm talking about. Life just fucking sucks too much for being worthy because some of that things.
 
C

creatureoflight

Mage
Jul 27, 2018
531
20 is kind of young. I didn't even have a real relationship until into my mid 20's and sex too. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer or having bad grades. I don't have many friends either and lost many along the way. I also had terrible grades and now am reaching my 30's and don't even have a degree due to depression and chronic pain. You can still try to get some other kind of diploma and go and meet people that are into stuff you are into if you have interests. Do you have any kind of a hobby?
 
D

Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
I'm a 26 y/o kissless virgin with schizoid PD and general anxiety. Also asexual.
I've been limerant for 5 years, obsessing over a guy who probably doesn't even remember me anymore. And he is so out of my league, even thinking about him makes me cringe at my stupid, delusional self.

So yeah, fun times.
 
thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

-
Jul 14, 2018
307
I'm a 26 y/o kissless virgin with schizoid PD and general anxiety. Also asexual.
I've been limerant for 5 years, obsessing over a guy who probably doesn't even remember me anymore. And he is so out of my league, even thinking about him makes me cringe at my stupid, delusional self.

So yeah, fun times.

Where did you meet this guy if you don't mind me asking?
 
thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

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Jul 14, 2018
307
20 is kind of young. I didn't even have a real relationship until into my mid 20's and sex too. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer or having bad grades. I don't have many friends either and lost many along the way. I also had terrible grades and now am reaching my 30's and don't even have a degree due to depression and chronic pain. You can still try to get some other kind of diploma and go and meet people that are into stuff you are into if you have interests. Do you have any kind of a hobby?

I used to play tennis but honestly, that got boring fast. I'm not good enough. Hobbies aren't relaxing for me unless they are passive.

I see why I find it hard to live in this world. It can really suck ass.
 
MortDeVivre

MortDeVivre

"If a battle cannot be won, do not fight it."
May 31, 2018
140
I was diagnosed last year with an autism spectrum disorder, but was told it would have been an Asperger's one if it hadn't been removed from the DSM. I'm 21 years old. Tried a few things in university, but never liked anything enough to finish it. No friends. No sexual experience.

I won't get into the details, but since February last year, all this has become nothing but the tip of the iceberg.
 
thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

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Jul 14, 2018
307
I was diagnosed last year with an autism spectrum disorder, but was told it would have been an Asperger's one if it hadn't been removed from the DSM. I'm 21 years old. Tried a few things in university, but never liked anything enough to finish it. No friends. No sexual experience.

I won't get into the details, but since February last year, all this has become nothing but the tip of the iceberg.

You say that you tried a few things in university. What are these things if you don't mind me asking? Do you mean academic things or..?

I'm 20 myself. I flunked out of HS (got 6F's and 1E) which meant I could not go to university.
 
MortDeVivre

MortDeVivre

"If a battle cannot be won, do not fight it."
May 31, 2018
140
You say that you tried a few things in university. What are these things if you don't mind me asking? Do you mean academic things or..?

I'm 20 myself. I flunked out of HS (got 6F's and 1E) which meant I could not go to university.

No, of course not. And yes, I meant academic things. Programs, to be specific.
 
S

samhelloall9

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
297
I've gone to parties and I have/had friends. But then I get the feeling they maybe had the traits, unbeknownst even to them or me. They still feel like only acquaintances to me, I've always liked how despite knowing each other since school, they still feel like strangers to me and I'm not good at conversation skills anyhow. I feel like a full-time actor and it gets exhausting.

I had delayed speech and needed speech therapy...which apparently is one sign of having 'it' but...i have my doubts too.

Or like in my recent thread I started, I wonder whether I should be grateful that I am the way that I am, because even though people can pick flaws about me, both physical and mental, I see a lot of flaws in 'normal society' and 'normal life' too. Like, how can so many rational or intelligent people believe in religion or believe in anything (like politics or a club or a sporting team) and 'follow' it devoutly some more extremely than others?

Why do people fall for trends and or are gullible? Why do other things exist like people with other disabilities or disorders, or why do otherwise normal working intelligent people need to release with alcohol or drugs or thrill-seeking activities? You know.

That's what I don't understand.

I do have an average or high sex-drive, but I just, you know, settle those things on my own, you feel, not making a joke there either.

I don't really believe in friends or relationships, because those things seem fragile to me, even if I was normal, looking at it from my eyes, it all just seems fake. Like, people break off things with others over petty lies or even disagreements, so then i wonder to myself...why would I want that kind of life?

Then again, it's hard not being able to socialise normally or read other people's intentions/emotions non-verbally, like their actions or expressions or tone of voice. I try, I really try, but often I find it easier to keep to myself and not interrupt even if other people nearby are happily talking. I'll just sit and listen, until they bother to then include me. And even then, I'll keep things polite but short and sweet.

And that, even that, I've had to teach myself. It didn't come naturally, like everyone else can speak and live normally, and that's what sucks to me. Which is: why me? You know.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
Yep. Hug-less & Holding hands-less, to boot. Also never had online friends, let alone real life ones. To be honest though, I'm quite grateful for this. The fact that my wake, as it were, through life has been so small brings me nothing, but enormous comfort & solace. I've drifted through life with the least amount of attachments possible and there's an unmistakable liberation there. Like feeling clean & light as a feather, saved from being drenched and weighed down by the thick, goopy black tar of what lies within this rotten universe. An unseen ghost whose simply drifted past all the traps & pitfalls that ensnare so many others. Nothing in this world is ever worth the energy or the trouble, that can't be better spent avoiding it in the first place.

Eczp2IG.jpg
 
BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I'm sorry for your pain, I am nearly 30 myself and still a virgin, friendships and relationships seem like too much work unless the person is very patient with me. I like my solitude but I do need some social interaction and validation I suppose, community and all that. But yeah, I suspect I'll die a virgin, die alone, et cetera. I am just jaded about much of humanity after seeing some of the dark sides of people, so to speak, as well as my own dark side. The whole thing is tiring, but I need to go to bed that might be partly why lol. But yeah I've been a loner since middle school for the most part, group social events and groups of friends freak me out, I do best with one-on-one conversations, that way no jealousy, no feeling left out, having to be the center of attention bothers me, as I have a tendency towards this I guess. I wish I was say, a true schizoid, as it seems my life would have been much less painful and complicated if I was strong enough to be truly alone as some are, and not incur the burdens of the harm I have caused and been a victim to when relationships and friendships took a turn for the worse.
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
531
No sex, no kissing, no dating, no parties, and no friends (at least I do not consider anyone as a friend and I do abominate the term more than I do the word love). All because I hate social interaction in person, I hate humans (those who can be seen out of the net), I always get sick in parties and I always get sick outside the house because of humans.
 
icky

icky

Member
Jun 14, 2018
46
I've had one(1) pal in each of my life states - child, tween, teen, and 20's. They always ended when we'd evolve into different people. Never had a bf/gf or so much as a hug. It doesn't bother me in the sense that I desire these but I feel I've missed a part of the human experience. It seems all I hear about are people's relationships, hookups, mad sexing skills, and whatnot which can't relate to. I've written off being able to ever relate to people like that - I'm gross and even if I put work into being in-shape and pretty I'd still have the SH scars and the parachute of loose skin. Plus I have a weird voice, the kind where saying anything remotely serious sounds comical. Can't imagine coo-ing sweet nothings and not immediately killing the mood.

blah blah blah I've been pretty aromantic my whole life anyway - the idea of being someone's girlfriend or wife has never appealed to me. I don't get the whole appeal or endgame of romance. I see people turning into monsters because they can't get laid or can't get a romantic partner and I just don't get it. Is it a validation thing? There are other ways to feel admired and desired - I've seen enough vloggers and streamers to know that any kind of personality or aesthetic can get a dedicated group of admirers if they upload and interact with the peeps enough. I'm not making any sense, I have an occular migraine.
 
D

Dip

Student
Jul 27, 2018
171
I've written off being able to ever relate to people like that - I'm gross and even if I put work into being in-shape and pretty I'd still have the SH scars and the parachute of loose skin.

What does SH mean?

I don't get the whole appeal or endgame of romance. I see people turning into monsters because they can't get laid or can't get a romantic partner and I just don't get it. Is it a validation thing?

It's about DNA replication. Observe the following hardcore replication scene, if you can stomach it ^^
691px-DNA_replication_en.svg.png
 
ninaevol

ninaevol

Member
Aug 2, 2018
58
Had my first kiss and gave my first BJ a couple weeks ago, but it was just a quick hookup. Still technically a virgin since I never had actual intercourse cause it was too painful. Would probably have more experience if my parents weren't so strict. I'm expected to agree to an arranged marriage.. they won't let me have a BF but expect me to marry some complete stranger they choose for me at 24? Fuck that, it's 2018 and we live in the US.

Went to one NYE party my senior year of high school and was ignored for the most part by the girl who invited me there in the first place. I don't think I've ever had a genuine friendship. Most of my interactions are with classmates who usually just use me cause I have good grades. I've been a loner for most of grade school and now - sitting alone at lunch, never going out to the mall or having dinner with a girlfriend, etc. Idc anymore, it's just me and my thoughts from here on out until I ctb.
 
Moogle

Moogle

Kupo!
Jul 28, 2018
27
I've kissed a guy and he tried giving me a blowjob, but his lips were extraordinary dry so it hurt a lot. Later found out he was using me to do his homework and he wasn't even gay/bi. Never had sex, never been to a party, dated or have had a friend who didn't have an ulterior motive.
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I had all of those things. I had sex and hated it for a number of reasons, and my anxiety ruins any enjoyment I could have in parties (unless I drink a lot and I don't want to become an alcoholic). I deeply believe I already met and dated the love of my life (if that exists), and I also realized I am too messed up to make someone else happy and allow them to make me happy, so because of these two reasons, dating is a no to me. Not to mention I am pretty much a hikikomori and I am not finding any dates without leaving the house.

The word friend is thrown around too easily. Real friends are hard to come by. I only had and still have one in this life, and it took me over two decades to meet him. Honestly, even this friend might turn out to not be a real one, but I somehow doubt that will happen. Acquaintances and pseudo-friends? I had more than I could ever count, since I am supposedly (according to others, anyways) very easy to like.

Now, believe me or not, I was only 7 when I had my first kiss. It just happened. Of course, after that kiss, it probably took me another 7 years to kiss again.

The only thing I miss from relationships is cuddling and hugging. I love cuddling and hugging... But everything else that comes with a relationship is too much for me. I don't have the mental health to deal with that.
 
Oblivion

Oblivion

Arcanist
Aug 2, 2018
406
haven't been intimate with a girl since 4 years, however ive done sexual stuff with my lesbian friend recently but not full sex (im a male, don't ask me how cause i don't know) but haven't done it again with her.
i coped by masturbating 2 to 3 times a day.
i have friends but im not close to them and i rarely find topics to talk about with them.
 
LordMassenmord

LordMassenmord

Insane guy
Aug 9, 2018
14
Ive always been one of the unloved. I had 1 GF, i think she was the right one. We were close, we loved eatch other but SEX wasnt important ^^ so... we broke up because of Stupid reasons. so ... im Still a Virgin but not Unkissed. im 20 Btw
 
RealMe

RealMe

Member
Aug 11, 2018
67
Hello TwilightZone. Congrats your post is the first one I am commenting on since I just joined about half an hour ago lol

I have undiagnosed asd. I have never had sex or kissed or held hands in a romantic way, and whether or not I've dated is...negotiable... I technically dated my aquantanice for 6 days. He dated me out of pity and the whole time he flirted with my friend. He was a really nice guy but I dont rhink he had it in him to say no. He dated practically everyone and a part of me only asked him out to prove to myself I could get a bf. I'm really shy so I spent those 6 days avoiding him. As for the sex dating and kissing I probably could do it but I have chosen not to do it because I dont have a reason to do those things. Most of the time I dont feel like I'm missing out on much. Dating takes a lot of commitment and effort and I am too lazy to commit to something like that.

Friends come and go. I used to be really sad about losing them but honestly I dont really care anymore. I am really close to my family and cat though so I would be really sad if I lost them. But friends in my opinion are overrated and look way more fun on TV and YouTube. But maybe it's just been the type of friends I've had. All the friends I've had everytime we hung out I'd just watch them in their room play video games by themselves and just ignore me. Kinda a pointless friendship.

I've been to parties and while I find them fun I cant have as much fun as everyone else as I choose to be sober and not do drugs. And people are judgemental towards you if you dont drink or do drugs at parties. They're still fun though.


As for sex I am interested but not interested enough to seek it. Porn works just fine for me and it offers more than a partner would imo.