CemetryGates

CemetryGates

𝔅𝔢𝔱𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡𝔰
Apr 10, 2022
142
I've got to that point now where I go through life wondering what disaster life has in store for me this time and I think to myself, will it finally push me over the edge to the point where there is no turning back. I wonder.
x
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2022
1,706
I'm pretty sure I'm already there, so no need to wish for anything else. The way my life is, something else may happen all on it's own, and if it does, I'll still be where I am right now; making plans, getting things together. Unless it's something really bad that screws me up in such a way that I won't be able to physically go through with ctb. That would suck.
 
imtrying

imtrying

Member
Apr 29, 2022
57
We created the exact same thread on the same day lol. I feel very similar. Like my reason isn’t good enough but I’m just down the path to getting worse and I can’t stop.
 
slushy

slushy

Member
Feb 19, 2022
68
I definitely don't wish for bad things to happen to me, but I've definitely had the thought that if they did it might make it easier to ctb. Plus, maybe it would make more sense to my family that way.
 
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veryhappyhuman

veryhappyhuman

Experienced
Aug 25, 2021
284
Lately I've been hoping to get diagnosed with cancer (at a just early enough stage so I can still ctb) for this reason. Not that my current reasons aren't good enough for me, but if I have cancer the others can't really blame me post-ctb for doing it. It's too bad I can't take over some kid's cancer and free them to live their life.
 
IWillSmileWhenIDie

IWillSmileWhenIDie

Student
Jun 1, 2022
103
NO, and that just happened to me, actually. Really horrible stuff. It's beyond stupid to wish for something to happen so you...feel like dying more...I don't get it at all. I get wanting to be able to die not having disasters happen for no reason
 
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osako

osako

Everything all at once
Jul 30, 2022
179
I often see stories of people begging for a diner for a transplant or a child dying of cancer and begging the powers that be to give me their ailments so they can live and I can die in their place.
They have people who love them and they have so much to live for.
I’d give anything to trade places with them so they could live.
*donor, not diner 🫣
 
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ianista

ianista

Without a vision for tomorrow, hope is impossible
Jul 29, 2022
15
Lately I've been hoping to get diagnosed with cancer (at a just early enough stage so I can still ctb) for this reason. Not that my current reasons aren't good enough for me, but if I have cancer the others can't really blame me post-ctb for doing it. It's too bad I can't take over some kid's cancer and free them to live their life.
I so feel you. Sometimes i think its also a cowardly wish of myself: I wanna get diagnosed with cancer, doesn't matter in which state. If its in early state, i would simply ignore it for a while till its almost not curable anymore. Then i would tell anyone that i have cancer and its to late, make plans for ctb and see what people do with this situation.
It's me biggest dream, i almost daily daydream about this. If i could take the sickness of someone who would like to life and die in their place, that would even make it better and i would take it now without any hesitation.
 
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J

Julgran

Enlightened
Dec 15, 2021
1,058
I've got to that point now where I go through life wondering what disaster life has in store for me this time and I think to myself, will it finally push me over the edge to the point where there is no turning back. I wonder.
x

I do. Firstly, I hope that something even more horrible happens to me, than has already befallen me, so that I will have no other option than to end my life, and I also sometimes wish that a car or similar runs me over by accident so that I die abruptly.
 
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L

Leiden

Specialist
Sep 1, 2020
307
I'm sick of terrible things happening to me. I would never wish to have more.
 
Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Enlightened
Nov 12, 2021
1,661
I’m not wishing for more horrible things to happen but I’m letting my life deteriorate… I’m doing things I know are bad for my mental health… Eating poorly, quitting exercise, Sleeping all day,isolating, spending time on this forum… Embracing this identity
 
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WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Experienced
Jun 19, 2022
274
Not a lot of terrible things have happened to me and yet I'm posting on a suicide forum anyway. The answer would be no but I can kind of understand why.
 
CemetryGates

CemetryGates

𝔅𝔢𝔱𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡𝔰
Apr 10, 2022
142
Not a lot of terrible things have happened to me and yet I'm posting on a suicide forum anyway. The answer would be no but I can kind of understand why.
That's understandable honestly my head is fucked. x
 
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MountainMonkey

MountainMonkey

Member
Jun 17, 2022
63
I find myself daring the universe to shit on my life even more. I curse and threaten the universe as if it were a sentient being. If anything can hear me, I tell it I want it to suffer tenfold
 
L

Ligottian

Arcanist
Dec 19, 2021
439
At this point in my life, I need a few more kicks in the ass from the the universe before I CTB. So yes, I think I know what you mean.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Wish that I was gone.
Sep 24, 2020
13,520
The way that you feel is understandable if someone has a method like N or SN and the only thing that is holding them back from ctb is the SI. I do believe that many people manage to leave this world when they reach the point of desperation and when things get unbearable for them. In my case, I fear things getting worse for me and still being unable to ctb. The reason as to why I am still alive is because of limited access to methods and I fear the method failing. The only thing that I wish for is a peaceful exit.
 
R

Romeo1984

Romeo must die
Oct 6, 2021
52
I understand the reasons perfectly, but when they say "I want to be diagnosed with cancer", get ready, for there will be a lot of pain and suffering. It is not an easy way. Even if short, it will be necessary to exhaust all alternatives to be considered with terminal for CTB. Until then, you will have to endure pain, including treatment methods. Talk to someone who has already lost a relative to cancer to know what I'm talking about. It may be liberating to have cancer, to leave as a hero, but there will be a lot of suffering.