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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
I'm currently working as a programmer and I'm about to lose my job, because of mental issues. Of course I can't blame mental issues for everything, obviously I should've pushed myself harder... So I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation.
 
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Jimblue

Student
Sep 10, 2022
185
Not for me, but I knew it’s very hard to keep a job when you are ill. And sometimes your job can make your mental illness worse.

My last job made me more ill than I was. I worked as a support worker in a dementia unit. This is the worst job that I have ever did.

But I never really had a very nice job anyway, such as university professor or lawyer etc.

I am working as customer support, there are people said my job is not good enough and look down to me. But it’s not something bored me really. There is nothing I can do to people’s mind.
 
western_heart

western_heart

no one is coming to save me
May 23, 2021
373
Yes. I work in a software job and am about to get fired. It will be the second time this has happened. I've been burnt out for months and everyone around me encouraged me to try working it out with my boss, but he doesn't care. I say the work is too much for me and he tells me to work harder.
 
Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Enlightened
Nov 12, 2021
1,890
I’ve struggled with work my entire life because of anxiety and depression and feeling tired all the time which may be a byproduct of antidepressants… But yes, a nervous break down was not a ideal way to enter the workforce way back when…. Anxiety and depression are crippling
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
Not for me, but I knew it’s very hard to keep a job when you are ill. And sometimes your job can make your mental illness worse.

My last job made me more ill than I was. I worked as a support worker in a dementia unit. This is the worst job that I have ever did.

But I never really had a very nice job anyway, such as university professor or lawyer etc.

I am working as customer support, there are people said my job is not good enough and look down to me. But it’s not something bored me really. There is nothing I can do to people’s mind.
There is nothing wrong with working at customer service, that was my first job ever and it was okay. I feel like people looked down on me as well.. and I had a lot of mental issues happen to me while I was working that job.
Yes. I work in a software job and am about to get fired. It will be the second time this has happened. I've been burnt out for months and everyone around me encouraged me to try working it out with my boss, but he doesn't care. I say the work is too much for me and he tells me to work harder.
Really sorry to hear that, yeah I am having issues working as well and it's difficult because this is my first programming job and I don't want to lose it.
 
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whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,411
Yes. I work in a software job and am about to get fired. It will be the second time this has happened. I've been burnt out for months and everyone around me encouraged me to try working it out with my boss, but he doesn't care. I say the work is too much for me and he tells me to work harder.
Having some kind of quirk or more serious mental hurdles doesn't mix well with most managers/bosses, I'm seeing myself.

What you're going through sounds awful and obviously isn't helping your suicidal feelings

Work also makes me more suicidal, in particular dealing with managers or higher ups, coworkers are normally a breeze compared with them. I genuinely think people in leadership positions in a company are more psychopathic than the average.

If working is like this I don't really mind living off my parents, I'm not kidding lol
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
I’ve struggled with work my entire life because of anxiety and depression and feeling tired all the time which may be a byproduct of antidepressants… But yes, a nervous break down was not a ideal way to enter the workforce way back when…. Anxiety and depression are crippling
I'm really sorry to hear that. I had a psychosis at my old job.
 
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milkandcoffee

milkandcoffee

Member
Aug 8, 2022
11
I guess. I quit a job I maybe shoudl've kept because I just couldn't stand it anymore. I've got an even better job now, and I think about quitting again all the time, but I'd be SOL without insurance for meds and therapy :/ Really fuckin wish I could manage to meet my needs with something simpler where I don't have to work so hard, or even just less time a week at my current job. I'd be a lot less messed up if I just didn't have to work so much. So fucked up healthcare is tied to employment this way in America
 
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Muach

Member
Jan 28, 2022
45
Me.
4th, 11th and 14th
I've had 16 employments so far. In 16 yrs of holding my ba.

I am dysfunctional.
 
J

Jimblue

Student
Sep 10, 2022
185
There is nothing wrong with working at customer service, that was my first job ever and it was okay. I feel like people looked down on me as well.. and I had a lot of mental issues happen to me while I was working that job.
Same here. People look down to me because of my race, my illness, my appearance etc since I was a child.

I have been bullied from primary school to college because of my appearance.

The kindest classmates that I got were from my university. They were still looking down to me but only laugh me behind and leave me alone.

My flatmate in that time said I should fxxk of from this country.
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
Same here. People look down to me because of my race, my illness, my appearance etc since I was a child.

I have been bullied from primary school to college because of my appearance.

The kindest classmates that I got were from my university. They were still looking down to me but only laugh me behind and leave me alone.

My flatmate in that time said I should fxxk of from this country.
Dude that's horrible, but I understand what it's like to be looked down upon.. to know that people think you should be experimented on because you bring no value to society..
 
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whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,411
Hey I'm in my first programming job too and the fking head of the Projects departament gave me an impossible task last week explicitly saying it was to test me. This is the second company I've been (1st was internship) and for some fkng reason I always land with psychopaths that want to push you to the absolute limit and also tell you in your face that they're evaluating you.

I feel like you either really learn to kiss ass or you go way more prepared that what you thought in programming jobs. They told me they would educate me as a recent graduate but 3 weeks in and they're asking for a full stack application.

Fuck managers, fuck CEOs. I'd rather deal with a pedantic coworker that thinks I need to implement Clean Architecture than with these tyrants.
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
Hey I'm in my first programming job too and the fking head of the Projects departament gave me an impossible task last week explicitly saying it was to test me. This is the second company I've been (1st was internship) and for some fkng reason I always land with psychopaths that want to push you to the absolute limit and also tell you in your face that they're evaluating you.

I feel like you either really learn to kiss ass or you go way more prepared that what you thought in programming jobs. They told me they would educate me as a recent graduate but 3 weeks in and they're asking for a full stack application.

Fuck managers, fuck CEOs. I'd rather deal with a pedantic coworker that thinks I need to implement Clean Architecture than with these tyrant.

I'm actually quite lucky as my bosses are actually really cool, which makes me feel even worse, because it feels like I am letting them down and that they're only wasting money on me.. I was doing really well at the first couple of months, they said they were glad they hired me, only for my mentality slowly start getting worse and worse and doing less of my job.. it fucking kills me
 
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Jimblue

Student
Sep 10, 2022
185
Dude that's horrible, but I understand what it's like to be looked down upon.. to know that people think you should be experimented on because you bring no value to society..
I may never bring any value to where I come from. But in this country, I paid very high university fees as I was an overseas student. And I never apply social benefits. There is a social worker advise me move to refugee and apply social benefits. I declined that offer. This is one of the reason that I am still in this house and facing the risk been kick out.
 
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whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,411
I'm actually quite lucky as my bosses are actually really cool, which makes me feel even worse, because it feels like I am letting them down and that they're only wasting money on me.. I was doing really well at the first couple of months, they said they were glad they hired me, only for my mentality slowly start getting worse and worse and doing less of my job.. it fucking kills me
Is it depression?
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
Is it depression?
Depression I believe would be easier to deal with, I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia and it feels like people are just fucking me mentally until it makes working a lot harder. My mental issues are making life difficult.
I may never bring any value to where I come from. But in this country, I paid very high university fees as I was an overseas student. And I never apply social benefits. There is a social worker advise me move to refugee and apply social benefits. I declined that offer. This is one of the reason that I am still in this house and facing the risk been kick out.
I hope you manage to deal with this, it sounds horrible the prejudice people have.
 
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whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,411
Schizophrenia is a brutal disease, I'm not surprised you're in this forum. Good luck, I'm sure some people can cope with such a curse.
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
Schizophrenia is a brutal disease, I'm not surprised you're in this forum. Good luck, I'm sure some people can cope with such a curse.
Yeah, why are you here if I may ask?
 
whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,411
Yeah, why are you here if I may ask?
I have unrefreshing sleep and ejaculatory anhedonia. No friends. No energy. Often headaches. Have trouble submitting to authority despite being what is socially considered of low value (dictated by money, clothing, looks [I have these though] and adherence to mainstream beliefs).

Lack of refreshing sleep is by far the worst thing I face and what probably causes the friendlessness and sexual abscense/nulity.
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
I have unrefreshing sleep and ejaculatory anhedonia. No friends. No energy. Often headaches. Have trouble submitting to authority despite being what is socially considered of low value (dictated by money, clothing, looks [I have these though] and adherence to mainstream beliefs).

Lack of refreshing dleep is by far the worst thing I face and what probably causes the friendlessness and sexual abscense/nulity.
Shit, lack of sleep is a serious issue, have you gone to a doctor?
 
whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,411
Shit, lack of sleep is a serious issue, have you gone to a doctor?
Dude, I laughed a little. It IS serious, it made me suicidal, but schizophrenia is at least as bad.

I've gone to dozens of doctors and wasted thousands of euros in trying to save my life the last 10 years, which is when my illness started.

Eventually I landed here but I fear death and don't want to leave a corpse for my family so I stick around trying to cope, leave the forum or actually kill myself. Limbo. Crossroads.
 
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Jimblue

Student
Sep 10, 2022
185
Dude, I laughed a little. It IS serious, it made me suicidal, but schizophrenia is at least as bad.

I've gone to dozens of doctors and wasted thousands of euros in trying to save my life the last 10 years, which is when my illness started.

Eventually I landed here but I fear death and don't want to leave a corpse for my family so I stick around trying to cope, leave the forum or actually kill myself. Limbo. Crossroads.
I have trouble with sleeping for over 15 years now. Did you try to use medication to help to sleep? May be worse a goal.
“I hope you manage to deal with this, it sounds horrible the prejudice people have.”

This is not the things bored me any more. There is nothing I can do it. I have more serious issue now. I need to take care my husband and even myself is very ill. He has been suspended from work for 2 weeks since today.

Safe guarding him without any other help. Cover his illness. And facing the risk he may attack me etc.
 
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TheManIllNeverBe

Member
Aug 3, 2022
34
I'm currently working as a programmer and I'm about to lose my job, because of mental issues. Of course I can't blame mental issues for everything, obviously I should've pushed myself harder... So I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation.

Programmer here too. Or at least, I was. Had a very well-paying job at a large software company on the West coast of the US. Worked there for 10 years. Was my dream job. Then I got into a major car accident (not my fault, rear-ended at high speed while stopped), ended up on lots of psych meds due to PTSD and pre-existing anxiety/depression flaring up after the head injury, and lost my job about a year later while on mental health disability leave. Was told they were doing layoffs and "my position no longer existed," but I'm sure they were just happy to get rid of me. Have only worked sporadically since then. Slowly draining my 401k and savings. Plan to CTB before I'm completely broke. Just recently moved to a cheaper area of the country to live so I've extended the inevitable by a few years at least.
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
Programmer here too. Or at least, I was. Had a very well-paying job at a large software company on the West coast of the US. Worked there for 10 years. Was my dream job. Then I got into a major car accident (not my fault, rear-ended at high speed while stopped), ended up on lots of psych meds due to PTSD and pre-existing anxiety/depression flaring up after the head injury, and lost my job about a year later while on mental health disability leave. Was told they were doing layoffs and "my position no longer existed," but I'm sure they were just happy to get rid of me. Have only worked sporadically since then. Slowly draining my 401k and savings. Plan to CTB before I'm completely broke. Just recently moved to a cheaper area of the country to live so I've extended the inevitable by a few years at least.
I see, I'm really sorry to hear that, seems like you had everything going for you :/.
 
allblackallwhite

allblackallwhite

Member
Sep 4, 2022
30
I haven't been able to code for about a year now, I get anxiety and panic attacks every time I try. Luckily I moved into a different role where I don't have to code but it was far more stressful. I had a breakdown about 2 months ago and have been on disability ever since. I don't think I can work any more. Everything is so hard. Just existing is hard. I don't see how I could keep working the most mentally challenging job I've ever had. I have absolutely no interest in it. I am so tired of struggling. I'm just done with everything.
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
I haven't been able to code for about a year now, I get anxiety and panic attacks every time I try. Luckily I moved into a different role where I don't have to code but it was far more stressful. I had a breakdown about 2 months ago and have been on disability ever since. I don't think I can work any more. Everything is so hard. Just existing is hard. I don't see how I could keep working the most mentally challenging job I've ever had. I have absolutely no interest in it. I am so tired of struggling. I'm just done with everything.
Man I understand how you feel, I love my job, but due to issues, it's just difficult to do it.. I was doing so well the first couple of months.. My bosses said they were glad they they hired me, now they're disappointed in me...
 
allblackallwhite

allblackallwhite

Member
Sep 4, 2022
30
Man I understand how you feel, I love my job, but due to issues, it's just difficult to do it.. I was doing so well the first couple of months.. My bosses said they were glad they they hired me, now they're disappointed in me...
I miss loving it. I miss having that drive and being so damn good at it. I miss the feeling of pride and accomplishment so much. Now all I feel is anxiety and dread and confusion and despair.
 
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GoForDeath

Member
Oct 7, 2021
56
I miss loving it. I miss having that drive and being so damn good at it. I miss the feeling of pride and accomplishment so much. Now all I feel is anxiety and dread and confusion and despair.
I don't want to feel like I can't handle it after achieving so much. It's really sad, because I truly want to keep this job.
 
Sepultura

Sepultura

Member
Apr 17, 2022
22
I have mixed anxiety and depression therefore is hard to work as an attorney because it's a very demanding career.
 
D

DeadManLiving

Member
Sep 9, 2022
14
Programmer here too. Or at least, I was. Had a very well-paying job at a large software company on the West coast of the US. Worked there for 10 years. Was my dream job. Then I got into a major car accident (not my fault, rear-ended at high speed while stopped), ended up on lots of psych meds due to PTSD and pre-existing anxiety/depression flaring up after the head injury, and lost my job about a year later while on mental health disability leave. Was told they were doing layoffs and "my position no longer existed," but I'm sure they were just happy to get rid of me. Have only worked sporadically since then. Slowly draining my 401k and savings. Plan to CTB before I'm completely broke. Just recently moved to a cheaper area of the country to live so I've extended the inevitable by a few years at least.
Same case here (except East Coast). Run over by a DUI Hit and run. After my traumatic brain injury I haven't really been able to code since 2019. You're lucky you still have some savings I'm broke.

Definitely don't do CBT if you still got some savings; you should look into nootropics, HBOT, stem cell therapy, peptides, Cerebrolysin/Dihexa/BPC157, et. al.

If I had the money for those chances are extremely high I could pull a 180 over the course of the year. But when you're at the end of your rope, you're at the end of your rope. Stuck in the middle of the Sahara desert where no human has been with your tank out of gas - the end of the road.

In your case you should at least make one attempt at novel cognitive neuroplasticity enhancers, at least one, before pulling the plug. Otherwise spend the rest of your money on hoes, drugs and of life's low hanging forbidden fruits in a final "meal" sense. Or, whatever you feel is the most judicious end of life course.

Whichever way you go, Peace & Good Skill.