dumbbrain

dumbbrain

Crippling Anxiety Haver
Nov 8, 2021
95
can't help but sabotage myself. but got to the point where i no longer care if i hurt people. i've been dealt too much pain
 
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Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Super duper enlightened
Sep 9, 2018
1,591
Absolutely not! I have high self esteem today. :pfff:
 
stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,619
Aren't we all?
I’d have to agree.
To a point, sure.
And to a point, no.

People say “life is what you make it” - which is not always true.

Have I “screwed up” before? Yes. Have I tried to have better situations? Yes. Have I worked as hard as I could? Yes. Have I dealt with enough? Yes.

I am so burned out on it all.

I feel remorseful. For being here or anywhere at all. For attempting to allow shit disturbers to “help” which their version was… LIES. Theft. LIES. Invasiveness. LIES. Playing “keep away”, with MONEY, JOBS, STABILITY, HOUSING….
Things that “matter”
And I could see through it.
But I was “shut down” from getting ANYWHERE at all.
Repeatedly.
I have those grudges and always will.
It’s proved itself. Stupid little fuckin cunts will always be stupid little fuckin cunts.
And then the “attention” “competition” of “shit disturbers” disturbing shit.
 
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meetapple

meetapple

Specialist
Jun 3, 2021
337
I feel like I am a moron and that everyone wants to remind me of that at all times.
 
Callie Arcale

Callie Arcale

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
Feb 10, 2021
428
They say that everything happens for a reason. In my case, the reason is that I make bad decisions and I’m deeply flawed.
 
8evergo

8evergo

Experienced
Oct 20, 2021
205
I always thought something like that happened only to me
 
miserableforever

miserableforever

Experienced
Oct 23, 2020
204
Everything I touch eventually turns to shit …
Same. Social anxiety and later on full blown BPD made sure of it. Here I am with 2 university degrees, a failed marriage, and a shit job cause I can’t convince myself I’m better than that. I modeled many years ago but developed Body Dysmorphia and quit that too. I know this isn’t a competition thread but God… So much to just lol :(
 
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MindFog

MindFog

I'm not even having a good time
Nov 19, 2020
561
Yeah.. I think I was meant to be one anyways. Being born a neurodivergent in a lower class family shuts down alot of opportunities in life.. That and it sucks here.

Still turned out better than expected tho but I'm still a fuck up.. Maybe even if I was in a better situation, I'd still be one. I'm just too weak to survive I guess.
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
901
Yeah.. I think I was meant to be one anyways. Being born a neurodivergent in a lower class family shuts down alot of opportunities in life.. That and it sucks here.

Still turned out better than expected tho but I'm still a fuck up.. Maybe even if I was in a better situation, I'd still be one. I'm just too weak to survive I guess.


Man I relate to this so much. I was born to a lower class family that took out their anger out on me. It is like they resent I was even born in the first place.

There was very little chance of me making it in life. It used to trigger the hell out of me when I saw happy families in public smiling and laughing together. Because I knew when I got home there was a good chance I was going to get abused. These days it doesn't even bother me. I may have just given up on life by this point.
 
miserableforever

miserableforever

Experienced
Oct 23, 2020
204
Man I relate to this so much. I was born to a lower class family that took out their anger out on me. It is like they resent I was even born in the first place.

There was very little chance of me making it in life. It used to trigger the hell out of me when I saw happy families in public smiling and laughing together. Because I knew when I got home there was a good chance I was going to get abused. These days it doesn't even bother me. I may have just given up on life by this point.
Exactly the same for me. We were insanely poor. I tried to be the first in my family to actually get out of poverty. When I graduated my mom turned against me, out of envy, I guess.
 
MindFog

MindFog

I'm not even having a good time
Nov 19, 2020
561
There was very little chance of me making it in life. It used to trigger the hell out of me when I saw happy families in public smiling and laughing together. Because I knew when I got home there was a good chance I was going to get abused. These days it doesn't even bother me. I may have just given up on life by this point.
I think a lot of people tend to underestimate the effect of financial stability to one's mental health.. And it gets worse when you can't do it anything but bare it like; like impoverish children. That doesn't excuse any of the abuse tho. I don't even know if my own parents considered it a such. I guess we're just lucky we can indentify it as abuse so the cycle won't continue...

I'm sorry you have to go through that.. I hope things get better for you.
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
901
I think a lot of people tend to underestimate the effect of financial stability to one's mental health.. And it gets worse when you can't do it anything but bare it like; like impoverish children. That doesn't excuse any of the abuse tho. I don't even know if my own parents considered it a such. I guess we're just lucky we can indentify it as abuse so the cycle won't continue...

I'm sorry you have to go through that.. I hope things get better for you.

Yeah poverty really does ruin your chances growing up. Poor people really shouldn't be having kids in the first place. But it is controversial to say out loud for some reason. It is so selfish to expect others to be grateful for a shitty life they never even asked for.

Exactly the same for me. We were insanely poor. I tried to be the first in my family to actually get out of poverty. When I graduated my mom turned against me, out of envy, I guess.

That is so messed up your mom can't even be happy for you. I remember our utilities getting cut off all the time and scary looking people coming around looking for their money. Why the hell would you bring a child into this kind of life? It makes no sense.
 
mistoras

mistoras

Member
May 29, 2018
80
Do your parents also downplay or out right deny their negative influence on your life? It seems like a common theme with narcissists.
Wish I knew. I'm adopted which makes it even worse lmao. Imagine passing on your shit mental illness and genes and then offloading the bastard child to somebody else so you have to take 0 responsibility for your monumental irreversible fuck up
 
happy1234

happy1234

Member
Mar 6, 2021
6
i constantly destroy everything in my life for no reason. i have dug such a hole for myself that it seems that death is the only solution.
 
Apathetic999

Apathetic999

Student
Mar 9, 2020
178
I'd say objectively no, because I don't know how to NOT work hard. But I am a fuck-up in terms of my ability to manage my emotions in relationships lol. Which, given their importance to me, I suppose makes me a fuck-up
 
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