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massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
So i was single for a long time and it wasnt so bad cos i had a lot of friends but it does get lonely sometimes and you feel kind of empty and unfulfilled especially when all your friends start hooking up and having babies. now i have a bf and we live together and its kind of nice having someone and not being so lonely but on the other hand i dont feel much happier or fullfilled? im still suicidally depressed (which i was when i was single too). i guess its true that being with someone isnt going to fix you but iv tried fixing other parts of my life too -changing jobs, having more of a work life balance, changing where i live. nothing seems to work but i digress. j
ust wondering if other people here are happier with a partner or were better off single?
 
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,028
I’m happier alone, but biology makes me think I want a partner and even more babies. I’ve finally learned to not let that drive me, but the thoughts are still there. Relationships are hard and exhausting. When I’m alone I can just me, and not have to worry about getting hurt again. I miss the hormone cocktail of relationships, but it’s not worth the pain.
 
Nymph

Nymph

he/him
Jul 15, 2020
2,515
I’m happier single, I like being alone and I’m super asocial. I’m also the kind of introvert that needs to “recharge” like all the time so being around ppl doesn’t help it. I don’t have enough time to balance school/hobbies and a partner so I spend all my free time doing my hobbies and stuff. I’m also a pretty unlikeable person so it’s better for me to be alone
 
ohhgeeitsme

ohhgeeitsme

Wizard
Feb 5, 2020
687
After my divorce (we were together 8 years), I loved being single. I was convinced I was never going to seriously date anyone again.. only just casually date here and there. That went on about three years. I loved living alone. I need space, and I do not enjoy being around anyone 24/7. This past year though, with the worsening isolation and loneliness, I've come to really desire another serious relationship. Someone who will be my best friend, become my family. Sure, there me be a chance that once I enter one, I'll realize again that it's just not for me.. but you never know.
 
Amumu

Amumu

Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
Aug 29, 2020
2,584
Never been in a true relationship so idk
If I'm not happier in a relationship then I'll just die tbh.
Or if I'm happier I'll wait they leave me and then die.

The result is the same.

Considering the afore mentioned answers, I think the first option is more viable.
 
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massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
After my divorce (we were together 8 years), I loved being single. I was convinced I was never going to seriously date anyone again.. only just casually date here and there. That went on about three years. I loved living alone. I need space, and I do not enjoy being around anyone 24/7. This past year though, with the worsening isolation and loneliness, I've come to really desire another serious relationship. Someone who will be my best friend, become my family. Sure, there me be a chance that once I enter one, I'll realize again that it's just not for me.. but you never know.
interesting. the relationship im in now is comfortable but i also feel like maybe im not relationship material and would be better off alone - ive hinted to my partner that he'd be better off without me and my suicidal depression but he seems steadfast on staying with me. idk why cos i dont think im much fun to be around.
 
ohhgeeitsme

ohhgeeitsme

Wizard
Feb 5, 2020
687
interesting. the relationship im in now is comfortable but i also feel like maybe im not relationship material and would be better off alone - ive hinted to my partner that he'd be better off without me and my suicidal depression but he seems steadfast on staying with me. idk why cos i dont think im much fun to be around.
You're being too hard on yourself. He obviously sees something in you, and wants to stay. Do you like being in a relationship with him? It sounds to me that it's not that you're not enjoying the relationship, you're just convinced he isn't and it's making you doubt the whole thing, which is keeping you down. I didn't get that from your initial post, but your reply.
 
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massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
You're being too hard on yourself. He obviously sees something in you, and wants to stay. Do you like being in a relationship with him? It sounds to me that it's not that you're not enjoying the relationship, you're just convinced he isn't and it's making you doubt the whole thing, which is keeping you down. I didn't get that from your initial post, but your reply.
i guess that sums it up. im not hating the relationship, he's been very good to me and we have fun together i guess. but with my depression i sometimes just want to be alone and i can see it hurts him when i tell him that - even though iv explained that its not cos of him that i want to be alone - but he seems to think im punishing him for something he did when i want to be alone. i feel like im a burden to him and that he'd be happier with someone else - then i wouldnt feel guilty to ctb if i was single. plus we dont seem to really have any shared interests so i honestly dont know why we're together..
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
16,322
I hate being single and I hate even more that I have yet to ever not be single. I got really close a couple months ago but we were incompatible on one major thing though when I wanted to try to make it work anyway she seemingly cut me off because she knew I’d get attached too easily.

That said, I also think being in a bad relationship would be way worse than just being single which is probably why I’ve stayed single for so long. I know there’s plenty of times I could have settled for people I didn’t have any feelings for but I think that would have left me even worse off.

As much as I really want one, I can’t objectively say I’d be good in one. Even if soulmates are a real thing, my lack of experience makes it impossible that I’d ever be the perfect partner unless whoever I was with had like infinite patience or something. There are so many terrible things about myself that I believe could surface that would only come out while I’m in love. Anyone who I’m attracted to should be very worried. I wouldn’t wish that torture on anyone.
 
M

massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
i guess that sums it up. im not hating the relationship, he's been very good to me and we have fun together i guess. but with my depression i sometimes just want to be alone and i can see it hurts him when i tell him that - even though iv explained that its not cos of him that i want to be alone - but he seems to think im punishing him for something he did when i want to be alone. i feel like im a burden to him and that he'd be happier with someone else - then i wouldnt feel guilty to ctb if i was single. plus we dont seem to really have any shared interests so i honestly dont know why we're together..
the other thing is i dont think im wired to love. he says he loves me and i say it back cos i feel like that's what you're meant to say. i care about him but idk that i feel love...and i dont think cos its cos he's not the one or iv settled or whatever i just feel like im not wired to love which is not fair on him.
I hate being single and I hate even more that I have yet to ever not be single. I got really close a couple months ago but we were incompatible on one major thing though when I wanted to try to make it work anyway she seemingly cut me off because she knew I’d get attached too easily.

That said, I also think being in a bad relationship would be way worse than just being single which is probably why I’ve stayed single for so long. I know there’s plenty of times I could have settled for people I didn’t have any feelings for but I think that would have left me even worse off.

As much as I really want one, I can’t objectively say I’d be good in one. Even if soulmates are a real thing, my lack of experience makes it impossible that I’d ever be the perfect partner unless whoever I was with had like infinite patience or something. There are so many terrible things about myself that I believe could surface that would only come out while I’m in love. Anyone who I’m attracted to should be very worried. I wouldn’t wish that torture on anyone.
yea dont settle cos you feel you have to be in a relationship - that sounds worse than being single. and dont be too hard on yourself - everyone has baggage and shit they bring to a relationship i guess its just a matter of finding someone who can accept you for who you are.
 
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ohhgeeitsme

ohhgeeitsme

Wizard
Feb 5, 2020
687
i guess that sums it up. im not hating the relationship, he's been very good to me and we have fun together i guess. but with my depression i sometimes just want to be alone and i can see it hurts him when i tell him that - even though iv explained that its not cos of him that i want to be alone - but he seems to think im punishing him for something he did when i want to be alone. i feel like im a burden to him and that he'd be happier with someone else - then i wouldnt feel guilty to ctb if i was single. plus we dont seem to really have any shared interests so i honestly dont know why we're together..
Yeah, I really hate that.. when they don't understand that you just need to be alone sometimes and it has nothing to do with them, but they can't help but take it personally. I've dealt with that. I understand how you feel, and unfortunately, I don't know of any advice to give you right off the top of my head. I can only say.. that sucks.

As for interests, that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes two completely different people can somehow be a great match. It's nice to have stuff in common though.
 
Chupacabra 44

Chupacabra 44

If boredom were a CTB method, I would be long gone
Sep 13, 2020
710
Hands down being single, but I'm older and have had plenty of relationships over the years; and, have had plenty of experiences and ample time for reflection.

I wish I had learned to enjoy being single in my youth.

Best to remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Best not to let others deceive one into thinking how "great" they have things through showcasing what it is that you lack. Many of these people are likely to be just as unhappy, but they're masking with a fascade.
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
8,335
Seeing someone for the past two weeks, a so called a normal person. Keeps on asking me if I’m ok but so far so good. Edit, not helping me with my depression and dark thoughts though, but does help with loneliness.
 
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massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
Seeing someone for the past two weeks, a so called a normal person. Keeps on asking me if I’m ok but so far so good.
that sounds nice im happy for you
Hands down being single, but I'm older and have had plenty of relationships over the years; and, have had plenty of experiences and ample time for reflection.

I wish I had learned to enjoy being single in my youth.

Best to remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Best not to let others deceive one into thinking how "great" they have things through showcasing what it is that you lack. Many of these people are likely to be just as unhappy, but they're masking with a fascade.
sage advice thanks. yea i basically removed myself from facebook cos i was sick of seeing people posting happy photos of themselves in relationships and getting married and having babies etc
Yeah, I really hate that.. when they don't understand that you just need to be alone sometimes and it has nothing to do with them, but they can't help but take it personally. I've dealt with that. I understand how you feel, and unfortunately, I don't know of any advice to give you right off the top of my head. I can only say.. that sucks.

As for interests, that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes two completely different people can somehow be a great match. It's nice to have stuff in common though.
thanks for listening and your advice it helps that people understand
 
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ohhgeeitsme

ohhgeeitsme

Wizard
Feb 5, 2020
687
the other thing is i dont think im wired to love. he says he loves me and i say it back cos i feel like that's what you're meant to say. i care about him but idk that i feel love...and i dont think cos its cos he's not the one or iv settled or whatever i just feel like im not wired to love which is not fair on him.

yea dont settle cos you feel you have to be in a relationship - that sounds worse than being single. and dont be too hard on yourself - everyone has baggage and shit they bring to a relationship i guess its just a matter of finding someone who can accept you for who you are.

Have you ever considered that maybe you're on the asexual spectrum? After SSRIs destroyed my libido, I've pretty much been living it so it's fresh in my mind. Some people can feel romantic attraction, but not sexual. Some can feel sexual attraction, but not romantic. Some feel neither. There are quite of few different ones. After SSRIs, I was still physically and romantically attracted to people, but not really interested in sex anymore. I'll occasionally get a wave here and there of sexual desire, but not enough to satisfy someone sexually anymore. Which is why I've been trying to meet people on an asexual dating site and it's actually going well. A lot of people are on there because of SSRIs and other drugs, so almost everyone I've talked to not only understands my low libido, but mental health problems as well.
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
8,335
that sounds nice im happy for you

sage advice thanks. yea i basically removed myself from facebook cos i was sick of seeing people posting happy photos of themselves in relationships and getting married and having babies etc

thanks for listening and your advice it helps that people understand
Thank you Massive, hope it works well this time.
 
M

massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
Have you ever considered that maybe you're on the asexual spectrum? After SSRIs destroyed my libido, I've pretty much been living it so it's fresh in my mind. Some people can feel romantic attraction, but not sexual. Some can feel sexual attraction, but not romantic. Some feel neither. There are quite of few different ones. After SSRIs, I was still physically and romantically attracted to people, but not really interested in sex anymore. I'll occasionally get a wave here and there of sexual desire, but not enough to satisfy someone sexually anymore. Which is why I've been trying to meet people on an asexual dating site and it's actually going well. A lot of people are on there because of SSRIs and other drugs, so almost everyone I've talked to not only understands my low libido, but mental health problems as well.
i honestly wouldnt be surprised if im asexual. i dont have any desire for sex and have never had an orgasm. which doesnt seem to bother my partner as long as he as one....but he never forces me into having sex with him - i sort of just do it as i see it as my duty? cos he looks after me like makes dinner and takes care of the house when i cant get out of bed. i kind of like this girl at work but im not a lesbian - i have no romantic or sexual desire towards her but we seem to click. so maybe im really not relationship material and should just have friends...idk
 
Niftypoint124

Niftypoint124

Student
Nov 7, 2020
117
I am happier in a relationship, but I only get to be a whole person on my own. The older I get, the less tolerance I have for the expectation of acting like mommy2.0 for another adult.
 
ohhgeeitsme

ohhgeeitsme

Wizard
Feb 5, 2020
687
i honestly wouldnt be surprised if im asexual. i dont have any desire for sex and have never had an orgasm. which doesnt seem to bother my partner as long as he as one....but he never forces me into having sex with him - i sort of just do it as i see it as my duty? cos he looks after me like makes dinner and takes care of the house when i cant get out of bed. i kind of like this girl at work but im not a lesbian - i have no romantic or sexual desire towards her but we seem to click. so maybe im really not relationship material and should just have friends...idk
It definitely sounds like you're asexual. On the dating site I'm on, there are a lot of people like that and all they are looking for is a platonic partner. It's not quite the same as a best friend, but very similar. They're usually still monogamous, live together, sometimes have kids.. just no sex. Some want the romance, others don't.
 
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massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
It definitely sounds like you're asexual. On the dating site I'm on, there are a lot of people like that and all they are looking for is a platonic partner. It's not quite the same as a best friend, but very similar. They're usually still monogamous, live together, sometimes have kids.. just no sex. Some want the romance, others don't.
thanks well if things dont work out with my partner maybe il look into that. thanks so much for listening and your advice :heart:
 
Uncle Donk

Uncle Donk

Useless since day 1
Jan 3, 2020
1,104
After my divorce (we were together 8 years), I loved being single. I was convinced I was never going to seriously date anyone again.. only just casually date here and there. That went on about three years. I loved living alone. I need space, and I do not enjoy being around anyone 24/7. This past year though, with the worsening isolation and loneliness, I've come to really desire another serious relationship. Someone who will be my best friend, become my family. Sure, there me be a chance that once I enter one, I'll realize again that it's just not for me.. but you never know.

Were you happier after the divorce? Just wondering since I've been married for 10 years and as much as I care about my wife one can't help but wonder whether starting a new life would bring some joy back to my life.
 
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Deleted member 2141

Deleted member 2141

The angel of choice is enduring.
Aug 30, 2018
5,309
Given that I've been single my whole life (and still am), I'd say I'm happier being single. I just could not imagine being in a relationship, losing privacy, and then having to answer to someone else. I know this due to having roommates and living with parents. I consider myself to be a solitary person for the most part.
 
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massiveblackhole

Student
Sep 4, 2020
102
I wish I had someone to share the experiences of life with and to confide in when I'm struggling.

I'm lonely
You don’t necessarily need a romantic partner for that if that helps. A good friend can be just as comforting
Given that I've been single my whole life (and still am), I'd say I'm happier being single. I just could not imagine being in a relationship, losing privacy, and then having to answer to someone else. I know this due to having roommates and living with parents. I consider myself to be a solitary person for the most part.
I was like that for a long time It’s been quite an adjustment getting used to sharing your personal space with someone all the time - I keep telling him I need some alone time then he gets offended. So I wonder if I was better off single.
 
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