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FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
I thought I'd piggy back on the other thread about hot mofos and keep the good (bad?) feelings going. Describe someone you know who you are currently attracted to and, if you want, why it will/won't work out. Shameless, sappy pining is very much appreciated.

The hots I have:
I had the hots for this other girl in the grad program I dropped out of. She is pretty and inexplicable single. Really fucking smart. I never walked away from a conversation without learning some new fact about something. I loved the way her dark green eyes sparkled when she talked about something that fascinated her and when she faked finding my shitty jokes funny. The conquettish routine she had going caught me hook, line, and sinker. I worked very hard to get her attention, and I know now that she reveled in this. Despite our disagreement on some issues, I was lulled into a false sense of belonging for the first few months I knew her. My mind was noticeably darker than hers even then, as it always was, but it seemed like she knew where I was coming from even when I went too far and voiced my ugliest beliefs. After being lonely and feeling rejected for most of my life, I thought I'd finally found somewhere I belonged in the little group of friends we amassed, that I'd found my tribe so to speak. I was wrong, but the feeling was nice while it lasted.

Why it won't work out:
She's too good for the likes of me, an alcoholic with a bad attitude and an even worse temper. She has a bright future ahead of her while the best I've got is picking a pretty wallpaper to splatter my brains on. Besides, I'm on the other side of the country now, and last time I texted her, she left me on read. I didn't expect any different but am disappointed all the same.​
 
SnowyDreams

SnowyDreams

Member
Aug 25, 2018
79
Well tbh I've had a crush on the same person for almost four years. Haven't seen them in person since last year though, but I think I'd still like them if I saw them today. I don't even know why I started being interested in this person, they're like really really cute and wear cool clothes and they also used to wear glasses and has curly hair, sometimes long, sometimes short (once they had their hair in ponytails and I was internally screaming at how adorable and pretty they looked), sometimes in wild colors. They're quirky and super geeky, they love pop culture and books (I actually met them at university, while I was studying literature). They draw super well too and idk I just love the way they look and talk and the things they say. I had a few conversations about stuff like accessories they were wearing, or assignments we had to turn in, but only in March last year I gathered the courage to ask them to hang out? It wasn't really like asking out on a date but just hanging out. And they said ok sure but cancelled and rescheduled like twice so then I didn't ask anymore and like... Idk. I think they weren't even interested in me just being nice, and tbh I'm too socially awkward and they have so many friends etc. So I haven't seen or texted them for like a year now.
Since I am a really weird person tbh I also had something like a crush (it was actually a squish, the ace/aro equivalent of a crush) on a girl I met in September last year, we like had so much in common, we could talk for ours and discuss things, it was super fun to hang out with her. But she just stopped talking to me in January after she left for vacation and I haven't seen her since... idk I guess it was too good to be true. I don't really feel anything for her now though.
On the other hand I have a friend that lives really far from me, we met five years ago but only spent like, three months together in total all these years lol I really like her as a friend but I also love looking at her because she's so soft and pretty and I have some weird feelings but I know it'd never work out because she lives so far... and even so I might be idealizing her a bit because we really didn't spend so much time together irl. And she's so popular, like random girls even leave post its with their numbers at her place of work, I'd never stand a chance.
You'd probably think I'm crazy for liking so many people at once, but idk it's just how it is lol.
 
FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
Well tbh I've had a crush on the same person for almost four years. Haven't seen them in person since last year though, but I think I'd still like them if I saw them today. I don't even know why I started being interested in this person, they're like really really cute and wear cool clothes and they also used to wear glasses and has curly hair, sometimes long, sometimes short (once they had their hair in ponytails and I was internally screaming at how adorable and pretty they looked), sometimes in wild colors. They're quirky and super geeky, they love pop culture and books (I actually met them at university, while I was studying literature). They draw super well too and idk I just love the way they look and talk and the things they say. I had a few conversations about stuff like accessories they were wearing, or assignments we had to turn in, but only in March last year I gathered the courage to ask them to hang out? It wasn't really like asking out on a date but just hanging out. And they said ok sure but cancelled and rescheduled like twice so then I didn't ask anymore and like... Idk. I think they weren't even interested in me just being nice, and tbh I'm too socially awkward and they have so many friends etc. So I haven't seen or texted them for like a year now.
Since I am a really weird person tbh I also had something like a crush (it was actually a squish, the ace/aro equivalent of a crush) on a girl I met in September last year, we like had so much in common, we could talk for ours and discuss things, it was super fun to hang out with her. But she just stopped talking to me in January after she left for vacation and I haven't seen her since... idk I guess it was too good to be true. I don't really feel anything for her now though.
On the other hand I have a friend that lives really far from me, we met five years ago but only spent like, three months together in total all these years lol I really like her as a friend but I also love looking at her because she's so soft and pretty and I have some weird feelings but I know it'd never work out because she lives so far... and even so I might be idealizing her a bit because we really didn't spend so much time together irl. And she's so popular, like random girls even leave post its with their numbers at her place of work, I'd never stand a chance.
You'd probably think I'm crazy for liking so many people at once, but idk it's just how it is lol.
Eh, not really. I think it's healthy to have different options. I wish I didn't get so fixated on one person. I feel you on the ghosting. It's rough because there's no closure, and you don't know what you did wrong. Though it hurt to be left on read with that girl in grad school, I know full well why she won't talk to me and saw it coming a mile away.

There was a girl I met in undergrad who I suppose you could call a "squish" (new vocab for me, lol). We were ridiculously similar in background and interests. I related to her a lot, and we could effortlessly talk for hours. Hell, sometimes it felt like I was talking to some long lost twin, her responses and thought patterns so mirrored mine. If we had gotten to know each other, I may have eventually been interested in more even though I did not find her physically attractive. We already had a bit of that dynamic going on. I teased her as much as I dared (a lot). She was so easy to wind up, lol. We traded numbers and things seemed to be going fine, but she never texted me back. She was going through some shit with her crazy, controlling family, and I believe was questioning her faith. I had just deconverted, and I think she was scared of that influence on her dwindling belief in God. I try not to take it personally. I had ghosted on people the year beforehand during a deep depressive episode. I'm just disappointed. I wish I could find her on Facebook or something and catch back up. I would be interested in being her friend if that's all she wanted. With the girl in grad school, it's different, perhaps because I consciously wished to pursue her or because it's so fresh.
 
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CantGoOn

CantGoOn

Member
Jun 7, 2018
73
I’ve had an online friend that I’ve known since I was late teenager, I’m 24 now. I’ll describe him physically, hes 49 but looks 35, he’s really manly dark hair and nice beard along with moustache. He’s got a sexy Boston accent, unique nose, idk he’s just sexy to me. We talk everyday.

Why it won’t work

He lives in different country, tho I have met him once and I can again, but we can’t be together long term. He doesn’t live by himself. He’s very sick and I am too. I don’t think he’s excited to see me because of his cfs and other disease. He can get other girls, despite what he says he’s got good personality and looks.


He can still grab a new girl if he really wanted to. He’s always trying to talk to other girls.

I can’t find anyone and he’s my first actual boyfriend ..uh I think. Il pretend.
 
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FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
I’ve had an online friend that I’ve known since I was late teenager, I’m 24 now. I’ll describe him physically, hes 49 but looks 35, he’s really manly dark hair and nice beard along with moustache. He’s got a sexy Boston accent, unique nose, idk he’s just sexy to me. We talk everyday.

Why it won’t work

He lives in different country, tho I have met him once and I can again, but we can’t be together long term. He doesn’t live by himself. He’s very sick and I am too. I don’t think he’s excited to see me because of his cfs and other disease. He can get other girls, despite what he says he’s got good personality and looks.


He can still grab a new girl if he really wanted to. He’s always trying to talk to other girls.

I can’t find anyone and he’s my first actual boyfriend ..uh I think. Il pretend.
Where are you from then? Also, I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass, but my 3rd party opinion is that you might have a better chance than you think. He 's talked to you for how many years now?
 
CantGoOn

CantGoOn

Member
Jun 7, 2018
73
Where are you from then? Also, I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass, but my 3rd party opinion is that you might have a better chance than you think. He 's talked to you for how many years now?

Yeah we have talked for so long, sometimes I think he is getting tired of me. I don’t find pleasure in talking about many things, I’m just aggravated with existing. My interests are limited. Maybe if we would’ve been together years ago I wouldn’t be in such a dark mindset.
I’m from Canada.
I’m basically waiting for him to call quits on me, but that’ll be a good call to ctb. Hoping I can do it before he says those words.
 
RM5998

RM5998

Sack of Meat
Sep 3, 2018
2,206
I've had a grand total of one person I've ever wanted a romantic relationship with - a girl I met back in 7th grade.

We had pretty much nothing in common, so being the dumb teenage I was, I decided to try to pick up the stuff that she had interests in. I started listening to music, learnt how to dance (a bit), tried to pick up a few musical instruments, read the Twilight and Percy Jackson books, and generally tried to have an interest in pop culture (somehow, I never caught the Harry Potter bug). I kept that up for about a year, and slowly developed a genuine interest in those fields. Somehow, we grew closer as friends when I stopped trying to be cool - close enough for me to be able to talk to her about random shit at random times. We started the tradition of giving each other birthday wished at the exact time we were born. She used to say that she hated the idea of relationships, so I never brought up my feelings for her, but sometime in 9th grade she entered a long-distance relationship with a DJ. That was a good wake-up call, showing how hollow I was as a person. We remained good friends till we entered college, when she went off to the other side of the globe.

I'd give anything to be able to be in a relationship with her. I'm asexual, but I'd be willing to have sex with her if that was what it took. I hated myself a lot back in 8th and 9th grade, but never when around her. And I'd give anything to feel that light-headed sense of loving being around someone again.
 
mattwitt

mattwitt

# 978
Jun 28, 2018
2,304
The last girl I had a crush on and still do started back in late 1994 Anyway I hadn't seen her since around June 1996 until about 3 weeks ago when we walked right past each other on one of the walking trails that I go for walks on sometimes. She was walking her dog with presumably her kid. There were no butterflies or panic attacks this time but it's still another kick in the balls before I ctb
 
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FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
The last girl I had a crush on and still do started back in late 1994 Anyway I hadn't seen her since around June 1997 until about 3 weeks ago when we walked right past each other on one of the walking trails that I go for walks on sometimes. She was walking her dog with presumably her kid. There were no butterflies or panic attacks this time but it's still another kick in the balls before I ctb
Ugh. I hope to be far, far away from people I know now in 20 years (which probably means I'm fucked and staying exactly where I am).
 
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Iwant2sleepforever

Iwant2sleepforever

Experienced
Sep 8, 2018
227
I got feelings for my best friend. She knows about it but apparently she doesn’t want a relationship to me. She says it’s not cuz of my appearance she says I’m handsome (probably just gassing me up) and she did do something somewhat sexual to me (nothing that big) so at least she doesn’t think I’m repulsive. I still feel like there must be something wrong with me, maybe I just don’t have a good personality or she really only fucks with me just to be nice. I always get hella anxious to see her, FaceTime her and text her. I’m a whole mess. I think it’s not good that I’m this way, it’s so hard for me to gain interest in that many girls, it’s only a couple that get my attention. I’m taking her out to eat soon for her birthday so hopefully that would turn out to be a decent day I hope. Sorry if it seemed like I was ranting.
 
akosineenee

akosineenee

Invisible idiot
Aug 22, 2018
224
Several months ago when I was still foolishly trying for normality and to contribute to society, I had this all-consuming attraction to a co-worker. I needed to see her or talk to her daily even if it's just a hi or some stupid joke that sounded funnier in my head and she would just offer a sympathy smile because she's too nice and well-mannered or come up with a counter-joke that's witty. She's very sarcastic and I loved it. Before I went AWOL there were days when seeing her was the only reason I got out of bed and went to work. She's a few years older than me. Her interests lined up with mine. We visited a museum with other friends from work and agreed on visiting the National Museum and seeing the Spoliarium. We played chess on a team building outing. She's beautiful and immaculately dressed up to the nines (think Anne Hathaway on The Devil Wears Prada. At one point she had the same hairstyle with the bangs. She has the longest hair ever). She worries about the little things (much like I do) and I always told her she worries too much. Idk if she knew or had an inkling. I wished I had disclosed my feelings to her. On hindsight it's better to have said it than not at all I think.

Why it won't work? She's straight as an arrow. She's way up there in terms of socio-economic status. Fml.