ctkmtt

ctkmtt

living the dream
Aug 8, 2018
39
I tried overdosing this last Monday and ended up in confinement at my hospital. Wasn't even allowed to read a book. Just stuck with me and my thoughts (which is a bad thing.)
I got out of the hospital about 24hrs later (relatively quickly because I faked being okay, said I just had a "moment") only to find out my boyfriend, who came to visit me from across the country for the summer, was staying at my ex of 5 year's place. He's apparently been talking to him behind my back for some time now. He refuses to come back to my place and has re-scheduled his flight for tomorrow morning. He won't speak to me. He said, "you did this to yourself and have to deal with the outcome. I haven't made any decisions yet." And I have no idea what to make of it. I feel abandoned, betrayed, hurt. Like my last string of hope was just taken from me. I understand that dealing with someone as openly miserable as I am (generally I would vent to him and him alone) would be really exhausting. But he was all I had. I don't have any friends. My mom won't leave me home alone because she fears I'll kill myself. I'm honestly just waiting for her to leave so I can finally do it. Likely going to do hanging.
There's not much of a point to this post, I just wanted to share what's going on. It fucking sucks. I am so alone. Can't get work right now- recently diagnosed high-functioning autistic, major depression, PTSD. I'm broke. Social Security has had me on their waiting list for about 2 months now. I just spent the last of my money on some merchandise and some food- I might wait for it to come in the mail, but it's likely I'm too inpatient. Maybe I'll just ask in my note to be buried with it. I don't know. I've lost all hope. I'm alone and I'm going to die alone. Thanks for reading this if you did.
 
ctkmtt

ctkmtt

living the dream
Aug 8, 2018
39
Didn't really think of it that way but you're probably right.
 
Over n' Out

Over n' Out

△△△△△△△△△△△△
Aug 5, 2018
196
''would be really exhausting''

Yeah. You might be really sucking the life out of him and giving little or nothing back. Maybe the other guy pointed it out after going through it himself. Some relationships can be draining and simply not worth it, maybe he's just worked that out.
All the best.
 
Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
''would be really exhausting''

Yeah. You might be really sucking the life out of him and giving little or nothing back. Maybe the other guy pointed it out after going through it himself. Some relationships can be draining and simply not worth it, maybe he's just worked that out.
All the best.
This is possible but mature people don't go about break ups like this especially if they cared about that someone in the least and on top of that right after that person just tried killing themselves. It was a dick move None the less and shows lack of feelings either way. Im not trying to say being with a suicidal person isnt tiring but going about it like this shows they never really cared from the beginning.
 
strained03

strained03

Member
Aug 1, 2018
66
Sounds like he is just using your suicide attempt as a way out.
Sometimes you can't handle something so you distance yourself from it in an inhumane way. My SO is like this. When he doesn't know how to manage it, he remains silently hurt, doesn't know what to do and keep breaking inside (sorry babe). Some people also keep themselves away from this kind of things because they don't want to get confronted to it.
 
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Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
Sometimes you can't handle something so you distance yourself from it in an inhumane way. My SO is like this. When he doesn't know how to manage it, he remains silently hurt, doesn't know what to do and keep breaking inside (sorry babe). Some people also keep themselves away from this kind of things because they don't want to get confronted to it.
I understand this very well, but to cheat on him with this guys ex is showing lack of any true feelings imo.
 
Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
395
One of my exes tried killing herself a few times but I was always there for her but sadly she broke up with me after getting out of psychward and told me she was gonna marry her ex. It wasn’t easy when she tried too because she wouldn’t tell me anything but at the time I couldn’t imagine leaving her just because she was suicidal.
 
Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
One of my exes tried killing herself a few times but I was always there for her but sadly she broke up with me after getting out of psychward and told me she was gonna marry her ex. It wasn’t easy when she tried too because she wouldn’t tell me anything but at the time I couldn’t imagine leaving her just because she was suicidal.
She sounds like a bitch.
 
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Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
395
Ya she put me through a lot of shit but I dealt with it because I loved her then she left me then she wanted me back then left again. Months later contacted by her after I moved due to self destructing after she did that. Gave her one last chance when I was in her state and she didn’t show up to see me which I almost crashed my car on purpose after she did that.
 
Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
Ya she put me through a lot of shit but I dealt with it because I loved her then she left me then she wanted me back then left again. Months later contacted by her after I moved due to self destructing after she did that. Gave her one last chance when I was in her state and she didn’t show up to see me which I almost crashed my car on purpose after she did that.
Ahh yes I have been through this before. I'm sorry for you bro.
 
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Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
395
Thanks but sadly wasn’t the worse relationship. I dated a girl who faked multiple personalities faked abuse and bunch of other shit. Turned out she was cheating on me with multiple people and had to be a sociopath. She fucked my head up majorly after I sold shit and bought a plane ticket to her state and then started telling lies about me and called cops on me for no reason.
 
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Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
Thanks but sadly wasn’t the worse relationship. I dated a girl who faked multiple personalities faked abuse and bunch of other shit. Turned out she was cheating on me with multiple people and had to be a sociopath. She fucked my head up majorly after I sold shit and bought a plane ticket to her state and then started telling lies about me and called cops on me for no reason.
I have had a similar experience to this as well. Were your relationships long distance?
 
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Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
395
It started as long distance till I sold my Xbox one for a plane ticket because she made up a bunch of lies and I was freaking out worried because of the lies she made up.
 
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Nauseated

Nauseated

Insomnio
Jun 26, 2018
224
So you don't have an Xbox or a girlfriend now? Thats brutal, man
 
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Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
395
Well it was awhile ago I lost it I bought another one but then another psycho ex stole it and a bunch of other things from me a year ago.
 
Brokenanddeadinside

Brokenanddeadinside

Specialist
Aug 8, 2018
395
Ehh not possible got bigger concerns gonna be homeless end of month. But ya I have a lot of stories of shit I dealt with including crazy situations I never thought I’d be in that I was in before.
 
S

Strumgewehr

-
Jun 7, 2018
271
''would be really exhausting''

Yeah. You might be really sucking the life out of him and giving little or nothing back. Maybe the other guy pointed it out after going through it himself. Some relationships can be draining and simply not worth it, maybe he's just worked that out.
All the best.
I agree. BTW that's a really cool username.
 
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M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
This post really hit a nerve. I was also ditched by many people, including my partner, for talking openly about my suicide. I truly regret having shared that in retrospect because I became such a villain to them and others after that. And the rejection, abandonment, betrayal - all justified.

You ever hear that saying, "It takes a village to raise one person"? I really feel like the same applies to the suicidal person in trouble; it takes a lot of support and sometimes practical help (for you, welfare, housing, emotional support). Of course, that's not how it works when it comes to suicide - instead people think judging, negating your problems, blaming you, and then ditching you (assuming "someone else will deal with this") is the way to go about it. Then ironically when you're dead, they'll wonder why it happened. Crazy, right? I'm sorry it had to end that way for you and your bf, OP. You're not at fault for struggling. But you can always vent to us, though it's a limited medium.
 
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