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Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
Sometimes I have a brief desire to live but the problem is I can’t maintain this feeling. More often the bad feelings and emotional pain overwhelm any good things. If I could maintain motivation and good feelings I would want to continue to live.
 
Ashpac

Ashpac

Lost and always will be.
Jul 22, 2018
797
I know that feeling. That hopeful optimism eh, happens to me like every 2 days, then that cold hearted bastard realism kicks in about my life and its like oh yeahh, your life never changes get back to reality. Its a war inside my head with angels and demons. Sometimes I just ignore them though and let them do there own thing. Think of me as dean winchester just sitting in my 1967 Chevy Impala and im watching lucifer and god go at it. Thats how used to it I am.
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
Oh yes, very frustrating, from actually wanting to do it to being quite happy being in my own skin, all throughout the day. Like you, if I could stay in this mindset, sure, I'll try harder, I'll start going out, maybe try and do the things I used to enjoy, but it's almost setting up for an even worse drop in mood. The actual suicidal feeling is fleeting, but the nothingness of my life remains, so what's the point in being 'happy' when I have nothing to make use of that feeling. It's just keeping me here longer than I would like.
 
RoloTomasi

RoloTomasi

Specialist
Jul 21, 2018
320
I can relate, it happens to me about once a week after several days of being hopeless. If we're really okay, it would be easy to feel great just by doing something even mildly positive. What hurts is I clearly remember what it's like to be not hopeless since it's just about a few months since I got to this point.

I really hope that you will be able to maintain this positivity, it could mean that you get to live life again and be really happy while you're at it. If not, it seems like nothing more but a part of some kind of torture, a short break in the middle.
 
I

itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
478
I only feel that when my central nervous system is depressed to the point where I kind of disconnect myself from my disease and reality. I can only abuse pills and live at home for so long before I can't function at all. If I had my health, I would feel like I had new lease on life. I don't think it's coming for me, but that small chance keeps you going. If you can maintain it then make the most of it. Life has a way of screwing up your plans. At this point I am just waiting to exhaust all my options. Then I will start drinking again with my mind set on death. I'm already dead for all intensive purposes at this point. If you're young and you don't have health and a future to look forward to then life is meaningless. I wish I could find an end of life organization to help me with this.
 
C

comfortablydumb

-
Jun 19, 2018
148
Sometimes I have a brief desire to live but the problem is I can’t maintain this feeling. More often the bad feelings and emotional pain overwhelm any good things. If I could maintain motivation and good feelings I would want to continue to live.

Which medical interventions have you tried? I've been on antidepressants for 9 years, and they have at times worked wonders for me, and most of the time at least made me "ok".

I'm considering seeking out options like cognitive behavioural therapy now, specifically because of the problem of "maintaining the feeling". CBT is one of the approaches for people who repeatedly get overwhelmed by their emotional pain/feelings.

I have been happy before, and I can probably be happy again. Materially, everything is in place for me to have a good life, and socially/romantically as well. Getting too stuck in my own head is literally my problem.

(There are, of course, a few on the forum who like to espouse that since we're all going to die anyway and the heath death of the universe and bla bla bla, then nothing matters and it's only rational to kill oneself right away. I find this to be glib bullshit and nothing more. Being happy, if possible, and dying of old age, if possible, is obviously preferable to the mental torment of having to take the action of ending your life.)
 
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Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I don't have it. I never had it. That's the wrong way for me.

I was strong enough for override that wish, now I'm more realistic, if a situation is bad and ruins you, why struggle with it?
 
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creatureoflight

Mage
Jul 27, 2018
531
If you still have the desire left to live, even at times, then don't do it. It is not the right decision for you quite yet. I am struggling with exactly the same thing and will only do it when I don't have any desire to live left at all.
 
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