Nemiik

Nemiik

Member
May 11, 2018
15
Anything on your bucket lists? Do you even have one? What are your reasons for those things, or for not having one at all?

Personally, I want to at least try to make the stories I have in my mind alive before I go, whether I can actually survive on those stories or not will make me decide if I should ctb or not. ( and making them will give me a few years to decide if I truly want to die )

Plus itd be cool if one of my stories helped people see suicide in less of a negative way and more of a valid decision someone should be able to make. BUT idk.

Also I'd like to eat fresh octopus lol
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I was working on a game, but I am not sure I will ever release it. The story is quite sad and I am still not sure if I want to put the characters through that misery. But that is because I am crazy enough to see characters as real (in a way, anyways).

I also want to play Bloodborne. I have played everything from the Souls series so far over and over again, but I don't have a PS4. I am thinking about trading my Switch for a PS4, since I don't play on it a lot... As a matter of fact, it has been weeks since I last played Splatoon 2 (my only game on the system).
 
Nemiik

Nemiik

Member
May 11, 2018
15
I was working on a game, but I am not sure I will ever release it. The story is quite sad and I am still not sure if I want to put the characters through that misery. But that is because I am crazy enough to see characters as real (in a way, anyways).

I also want to play Bloodborne. I have played everything from the Souls series so far over and over again, but I don't have a PS4. I am thinking about trading my Switch for a PS4, since I don't play on it a lot... As a matter of fact, it has been weeks since I last played Splatoon 2 (my only game on the system).
I see my characters as pretty real, too, but I on the other hand love to put them through misery. Maybe I'm just a horrible person lolol Or maybe I just feel better about my own shit when I make my characters go through worse.

I'm not a huge gamer, I grew up with almost no consoles/games... not that it'd matter since, being the youngest,I was always bullied off by my siblings.
I only recently got a used 3ds I'm playing link between worlds on :P But if I chose to die tomorrow I wouldnt be upset about not being able to finish it.

I think you could easily trade a switch for a PS4. Especially since its one before the hardware change. If not now, then after the change lol.
I dont know much about the hardware, but who knows maybe you could even hack it and be able to play Bloodborne on it. ( but again I only know you could hack it and port games onto it, not sure of the limits - just a thought )
 
M

millefeui

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Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I see my characters as pretty real, too, but I on the other hand love to put them through misery. Maybe I'm just a horrible person lolol Or maybe I just feel better about my own shit when I make my characters go through worse.

I'm not a huge gamer, I grew up with almost no consoles/games... not that it'd matter since, being the youngest,I was always bullied off by my siblings.
I only recently got a used 3ds I'm playing link between worlds on :P But if I chose to die tomorrow I wouldnt be upset about not being able to finish it.

I think you could easily trade a switch for a PS4. Especially since its one before the hardware change. If not now, then after the change lol.
I dont know much about the hardware, but who knows maybe you could even hack it and be able to play Bloodborne on it. ( but again I only know you could hack it and port games onto it, not sure of the limits - just a thought )
To be fair, I usually prefer fiction with lots of tragedy going on (such as the Dark Souls series and The Last of Us for games, and I don't know, Shigenki no Kyojin for animes... I really dig that one). I just think that if I was a character, I wouldn't want my "creator" to put me through lots of misery for no reason whatsoever. Such a crazy mindset, I know... But then again I am not exactly sane. That said, I feel that if I changed the story for something happier... It wouldn't feel right, because... it is not supposed to be that way. Also, it is really hard for me to write happy stuff... Maybe it is because my stories aren't meant to be happy or simply because I didn't experience a lot of it in life.

Yeah, it is not difficult to trade. I am just looking for someone with a PS4 and Bloodborne wanting to trade. Since my Switch has a game, it is only fair the PS4 should come with a game, too and to be fair, a Switch + Splatoon 2 is currently more expensive than a PS4 (non-Pro, at least) with Bloodborne. As far as I know, there is no piracy hacks for the PS4 yet, but it seems like the Switch will be hacked pretty soon (from what I read). Serves Nintendo right, if you ask me.
 
Nemiik

Nemiik

Member
May 11, 2018
15
To be fair, I usually prefer fiction with lots of tragedy going on (such as the Dark Souls series and The Last of Us for games, and I don't know, Shigenki no Kyojin for animes... I really dig that one). I just think that if I was a character, I wouldn't want my "creator" to put me through lots of misery for no reason whatsoever. Such a crazy mindset, I know... But then again I am not exactly sane. That said, I feel that if I changed the story for something happier... It wouldn't feel right, because... it is not supposed to be that way. Also, it is really hard for me to write happy stuff... Maybe it is because my stories aren't meant to be happy or simply because I didn't experience a lot of it in life.

Yeah, it is not difficult to trade. I am just looking for someone with a PS4 and Bloodborne wanting to trade. Since my Switch has a game, it is only fair the PS4 should come with a game, too and to be fair, a Switch + Splatoon 2 is currently more expensive than a PS4 (non-Pro, at least) with Bloodborne. As far as I know, there is no piracy hacks for the PS4 yet, but it seems like the Switch will be hacked pretty soon (from what I read). Serves Nintendo right, if you ask me.
I get that, I wouldn't want to be put through the things I put my characters through, either. Maybe I'm not sane in a different way from you, though, since if it doesn't affect to me I tend to be indifferent to others' suffering - fictional or not... Sometimes I just pure enjoy it and find it entertaining, though so far that has only happened with the case of fictional characters, thankfully. I'm not completely insane lolol.

I thought the switch was already hacked, with that one group giving Nintendo a heads up but some other group/s found out about it before they could fix it? I wasn't paying attention when i was watching a video that talked about it, and i'm not in the gaming world, so idk.
Nonetheless, i wish you luck with your trade.
 
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M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I get that, I wouldn't want to be put through the things I put my characters through, either. Maybe I'm not sane in a different way from you, though, since if it doesn't affect to me I tend to be indifferent to others' suffering - fictional or not... Sometimes I just pure enjoy it and find it entertaining, though so far that has only happened with the case of fictional characters, thankfully. I'm not completely insane lolol.

I thought the switch was already hacked, with that one group giving Nintendo a heads up but some other group/s found out about it before they could fix it? I wasn't paying attention when i was watching a video that talked about it, and i'm not in the gaming world, so idk.
Nonetheless, i wish you luck with your trade.
Actually, "real life people" suffering doesn't affect me all that much, but I am not a psycho so it is not like I take pleasure from knowing about people suffering. I actually prefer to avoid news as I think my life is bad enough without all the drama and suffering from others. I guess it is because I idealize fictional worlds and would actually like to live in one, so fictional people suffering gets to me more. Something like that.

It seems some groups have it hacked, but they haven't released anything for the general public yet. I am not really too knowledgeable about it, so aside from that, all I know is that it will only work in models released before February of this year. Supposedly.

Thanks.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Time ago I wanted to do an story or a game or something but thinking about it the final result would be crap.

I'm literally not interested in anything. Nothing catches my attention, no hobbies, no goals. I could die in this moment and I wouldn't regret of it.
 
sadak_the_wanderer

sadak_the_wanderer

An appropriate painting
Mar 19, 2018
243
I do not have a bucket list, in the sense that I have a set of events I would like to enjoy or at least tick off.

I do have things I want to accomplish, possessions of which I should divest myself, arrangements to be made, and so forth, but these are simply logistics, not experiential items like "hang-gliding."

As to my lack of a bucket list, I am not sure what portion can be laid at the feet of anhedonia and how much of it is due to my belief that you cannot "take it with you," not even experiences. If so, then I cannot see a point in pursuing these events and expending the energy to make them happen.

Anything pleasant between now and then is largely on the order of distraction and trying to make that period of time more bearable.
 
Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
I do not have a bucket list, in the sense that I have a set of events I would like to enjoy or at least tick off.

I do have things I want to accomplish, possessions of which I should divest myself, arrangements to be made, and so forth, but these are simply logistics, not experiential items like "hang-gliding."

As to my lack of a bucket list, I am not sure what portion can be laid at the feet of anhedonia and how much of it is due to my belief that you cannot "take it with you," not even experiences. If so, then I cannot see a point in pursuing these events and expending the energy to make them happen.

Anything pleasant between now and then is largely on the order of distraction and trying to make that period of time more bearable.
ditto
 
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Lisa

Specialist
May 9, 2018
304
I do not have a bucket list, in the sense that I have a set of events I would like to enjoy or at least tick off.

I do have things I want to accomplish, possessions of which I should divest myself, arrangements to be made, and so forth, but these are simply logistics, not experiential items like "hang-gliding."

As to my lack of a bucket list, I am not sure what portion can be laid at the feet of anhedonia and how much of it is due to my belief that you cannot "take it with you," not even experiences. If so, then I cannot see a point in pursuing these events and expending the energy to make them happen.

Anything pleasant between now and then is largely on the order of distraction and trying to make that period of time more bearable.
Me too
 
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skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
I do have a bucket list. I don't plan to complete all of them but it pushes me to do things I was always to scared to do. Because of it I ditched everything to go to the beach alone and also get an eyebrow piercing. I have gone to more concerts, I've learned more songs, and I've performed in front of people. There are some things that I'm pretty sure I'll never complete but you never know right. I'm always looking to add more to it so I'm always open to suggestions.
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Global Mod
Jun 12, 2018
1,539
I have none. I lost all my goals and interests during the last 3 years. I used to play chess passionately, which is something I can't do anymore due to my depression. I used to express my artistic side, draw and write a lot, which I also lost interest in. I did read a lot, doesn't happen anymore. I'm just rotting and I don't see a future. And I don't gain joy in many things anyway anymore, so there is no "bucket list". One thing I want to do though is trying out as many drugs as possible. I always wanted to know how it feels like if you can escape consciousness for a couple of hours. Not planning on getting addicted, just trying various drugs out just once, for the experience. I don't get hooked by drugs anyway.
 
Tiredman

Tiredman

Rest is best
Apr 30, 2018
229
Not really a bucket list but if I could I'd chose to ctb on top of a mountain or pyramid. That would be really co imo
 
lobster

lobster

New Member
May 19, 2018
4
I wouldn't really call this a bucket list but more so desires that I don't think I'll carry out for various reasons.

I want to experience having a group of close friends that laugh at dumb things, I'd like to experience being high with a friend, I want to go camping. I want to go someplace to stargaze, I want to learn to drive and ride on the motorways at night while listening to the Drive OST, I guess I'd like to experience being as wanted as I try to make others feel, if I could let that happen even if it leads to more pain. I want to play a bunch of video games I never got around to, maybe finally finish Dark Souls lol.
 
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Malice1

Malice1

-
Apr 6, 2018
287
Nothing much. I wanted to try some weed before i ctb but i dont have time for that. I heard weed can do wonders but i need to be gone by next week. Would be silly to stick around for short term pleasure. In the long run ill suffer too much so this has to end unfortunately. Going into oblivion is saddening but theres no guarantee of that so ill cross my fingers and hope for something more.
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Global Mod
Jun 12, 2018
1,539
Actually, there are a couple of things I need to do before leaving. But they're all connected to my exit and not really part of some fancy wishlist.

-I need to change my name and gender legally, so I can die as a woman. I'm trans, in case some people are confused. For me that's very important.
-I need to move into my own apartment. I'd like to die in my own space, in peace and preferably alone.
-I would also like to order a lovely dress to die in. I want to die as beautiful and feminine as possible when I die. This is also connected to me being trans. I never ever wore a dress in my life and I'm gonna wear one at least when I die.
-I also should make arrangements to what should happen with me and my possessions after death. That's not necessary though. Depends a bit on the circumstances and if I need to leave soon.

I think that's it really. I'm glad when it's all over.
 
N

nuclearsnake

Student
Jul 11, 2018
147
I too thought about changing my legal stuff and maybe going through transition before killing myself but that would take years in this filthy country so that's not really an option. Dying as my birth gender with people calling me by the wrong name and pronouns makes me irrationally angry though which is odd since I won't be there to get pissed at it anymore.

This might sound pathetic but my bucket list only consists of a few books that I feel like I have to read before I end it. This is hard to do since reading takes time and everyday is anguish.
I don't know the reason for this. Maybe it's my survival instinct trying to keep me alive. Maybe it's a final challenge for myself. See if I have the endurance and willpower left to do at least this.
 
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