Foresight

Foresight

Global Mod
Jun 14, 2019
1,223
I like "Happiness is not about getting all you want, it's about enjoying all you have." I try to keep that in mind.

If you hear these ideas and try to instantly change perspective it can bring frustration. These concepts are truly transforming ideas that come over time. Weeks, months, years. I'm actually surprised by my progress only when I look at it over time. It's like a skill too, you falter here and there and you succeed on other days. You gain traction with every right step.

Thanks for sharing!
 
S

SuicidallyCurious

-
Dec 20, 2020
1,751
Good post.

I like the one about not getting what you want as a blessing. At Times I can look back on life and I see if I had always gotten what I wanted I would be so fucked right now
 
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Mixolydian

Mixolydian

Warrior
Aug 2, 2020
648
You're a condescending, clueless jerk too for belittling my pain by laughing at it, dear OP. Has the Buddha taught you that move?
Buddha or no Buddha at all, I'm a new student. But let's be clear, I absolutely take issue with your behaviour. I just held my tongue from February up until now to say so because I did not have the courage to stand up to you. I do now.

Your conduct on this site has been absolutely despicable at times, and your standing up occasionally against overt bigotry doesn't preclude you from criticism or accountability from others, nor should your mental health struggles. Everyone here is dealing with some form of suffering - oppression included - and you yourself have absolutely engaged in harmful behavior to others here, including bullying and harrassment. Whether or not mods/admin agree with this assessment is irrelvant (although I appreciate that moderation is challenging and it is no easy position).

I don't know you very well or closely.
I don't know how you cope with your trauma day to day, and you certainly are unaware of my own issues.

But what I have observed from you since I became an active user again this year is unbridled egotism, blindspots with regards to your own power/privilege (which includes weighing oppressions of women against your oppression as a gay man, or really, weighing any oppression against each other in order to establish a dominant argument on a thread), an inability to acknowledge how your behaviour impacts others, and a tendency to manipulate people by making characterizations about particular users you have issues with as a tool of influence, often times in a manner that is unverifiable and in a way that many users might accept blithely.

You also have a tendency to prioritize "politeness" (i.e. respectability) over actual discourse, and the tendency to lean on the crutch of "I have problems too" when the topic of race becomes uncomfortable for you. Any good ally/advocate to a community that is marginalized (including BLM, which you've assiduously talked about as if an expert) would know that their role as an outsider is not to be the dominant space in the conversation, and that doing so only perpetuates the same power dynamic that is present at large in society if said ally/advocate happens to be a member of a dominant group. You don't seem to possess that level of self-awareness. Your conduct on here would be the irl equivalent of a white guy running into a BLM meeting and yelling, "BUT I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO OK!"

As for bullying, you most certainly did this with the user TheHatedOne earlier this year. Even if a mod has not told you this (and I'm unaware if they have or not), it's highly inappropriate and manipulative to be speculating on mental health diagnoses of other users, and it is no surprise that you landed on one that is so negatively stigmatized at large by society (BPD) and of course without verification (which would be a statement from TheHatedOne himself and not the malicious gossip you did behind a two-way block). I don't believe you did this in innocence. It was a calculated move. His own treatment and behavior to you, in whatever light you cast it in, doesn't justify this.

And just so everyone here is clear: Motel Rooms harrassed me via DM back in February for "liking" statuses by users he clashes with. Prior to this incident, we'd had minimal interaction with each other and certainly nothing confrontational on my part. Simply me "liking" a comment was enough to send him off into a spiral of aggressive tirades in my DMs, defending his own stances on what is "misandry/misogyny", his behavior to TheHatedOne, and re-asserting his victimhood as a trauma survivor. The messages bordered on harrassment, but I chose not to report at the time. And now here he is, trying to drag me because I laugh reacted to him openly bullying another member on his own profile yesterday.

And before you write this off as toadish loyalty or misandry, Motel, just know I'm not ingratiating other users on here. I cultivate and maintain my own set of ethics, politics. Consider these criticisms directly from me.
 
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Foresight

Foresight

Global Mod
Jun 14, 2019
1,223
Maintaining happiness is hard and tiring. Getting to that point is exhausting.
Where do people get the energy from
The way I view it is maintaining pain is exhausting. This is about letting go.

and a huge part of my time here has included rest, rest, and more rest. I think people often view stagnation negatively but sometimes it's needed.
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
Motel Rooms harrassed me via DM back in February for "liking" statuses by users he clashes with.

And before you write this off as toadish loyalty or misandry, Motel, just know I'm not ingratiating other users on here. I cultivate and maintain my own set of ethics, politics. Consider these criticisms directly from me.

I didn't harass you, I called you naive. Why didn't you report that PM if it was an attack on you? It's clear who your spiritual leader is. It's not the Buddha, it's Chinaski. I hope you still aren't completely blinded by hatred like that vicious "person", though.

All my posts & PMs are reportable. TheHatedOne reported me a billlion times & didn't manage to get me banned because they were unable to prove I'm a monstrous bully. I suspect you really are a misandrist because you consistently supported a self-admitted man-hater (& proud abuser of suicidal people who have children) before she slithered away.

Once more with feeling: all my posts & PMs are reportable. By saying I've been harassing other members for months you're saying the mods are corrupt & in my pocket.

Read this thread, btw:
https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/

I'm one of the people who finally got @Bullit, a misogynistic, racist piece of shit, banned & people still remember that & other similar incidents. What have you done except for blindly worshipping Chinaski, an enlightened saint who got himself temporarily banned & disrespected a mod?
 
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Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
2,563
I'm the one who finally got @Bullit, a misogynistic, racist piece of shit, banned & people still remember that & other similar incidents. What have you done except for blindly worshipping Chinaski, an enlightened saint who got himself temporarily banned & disrespected a mod?
I'm not interested in your latest bout of weirdness tbh and I honestly couldn't give two fucks for your thoughts but it's interesting that you think you've somehow earned the right to behave like a dick when comparing your own elevated assessment of your forum contribution against that of others, this isn't a fucking school playground.

I will also add here that you weren't there for this temporary banning, you were utterly distraught to have missed some drama and started numerous threads in the hope of getting in on some gossip, ultimately you don't have a clue what went down and should probably stop referring to both that and the apparently heinous offence of "disrespecting a mod", as if this means anything to anyone.

You keep bleating for mod intervention whenever you get challenged, and yet you pop up, time again, to do this ridiculous cry-bully crap in various threads to pointlessly reignite your own petty dramas when you could simply leave alone, you leap from thread to thread making passive aggressive snarks about individuals where you think they'll go unnoticed, you slander people in poisonous PMs (still have that screenshot btw) whilst having "please don't pm me" as your signature. There is a massive difference between pretending you are not an arsehole and actually *not being an arsehole*.

Grow the fuck up and stop dropping my name in your shitty, vicious posts, you're embarrassing yourself.
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
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Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
2,563
Another mod's gonna step on your big head one of these days again & crush it for good, darling.

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/
I haven't spent the last two days flaming individual users on here, pouring bile on profile posts, sliding in to the DMs with sly aggro, going from thread to thread to turn each one into my own personal faux-drama. I would not even be in this thread if you'd not used it as a means of letting rip, so wind your neck in imo.
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
I haven't spent the last two days flaming individual users on here, pouring bile on profile posts, sliding in to the DMs with sly aggro, going from thread to thread to turn each one into my own personal faux-drama. I would not even be in this thread if you'd not used it as a means of letting rip, so wind your neck in imo.

Fuck you for saying my suffering is faux-drama, you pathetic excuse for a person. That isn't the first time you've slyly & manipulatively accused me of lying about being a survivor of incest just because I dared to stand up to you months ago.

Read these threads, you self-righteous, callous toad, I dare you to read them -

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/receiving-triggering-pms.75393/

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/
 
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Mixolydian

Mixolydian

Warrior
Aug 2, 2020
648
@motel rooms

I’m going to ask you one more time kindly to STOP DMing me, as you have done so repeatedly in the last 15 minutes. I have made it clear to you I don’t want to receive any from you. Please observe this boundary.
 
Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
2,563
Another mod's gonna step on your big head one of these days again & crush it for good, darling.

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/

All my posts & PMs are reportable. By saying I've been harassing other members for months you're saying the mods are corrupt & in my pocket.
I notice you've edited this, once again I'm not saying the Mods are "corrupt" (though this logic could equally apply yo your repeated lamenting that l haven't been banned), this is yet another example of your manipulative nature which, as previously stated, is just about sly enough to stay clear of disciplinary action for what is clearly dubious conduct.
Fuck you for saying my suffering is faux-drama, you callous pos. That isn't the first time you've slyly & manipulatively accused me of lying about being a survivor of incest.

Read this thread, you self-righteous toad, I dare you to read it -

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/
I've never made any reference to anything about you beyond your conduct on this forum.
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
I notice you've edited this, once again I'm not saying the Mods are "corrupt" (though this logic could equally apply yo your repeated lamenting that l haven't been banned), this is yet another example of your manipulative nature which, as previously stated, is just about sly enough to stay clear of disciplinary action for what is clearly dubious conduct.

I've never made any reference to anything about you beyond your conduct on this forum.

Fuck you for saying my suffering is faux-drama, you pathetic excuse for a person. That isn't the first time you've slyly & manipulatively accused me of lying about being a survivor of incest just because I dared to stand up to you months ago.

Read these threads, you self-righteous, callous toad, I dare you to read them -

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/receiving-triggering-pms.75393/

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/
@motel rooms
I’m going to ask you one more time kindly to STOP DMing me, as you have done so repeatedly in the last 15 minutes. I have made it clear to you I don’t want to receive any from you. Please observe this boundary.

Please report them if they contain insults. You can block my PMs, btw.
 
Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
2,563
@motel rooms

I’m going to ask you one more time kindly to STOP DMing me, as you have done so repeatedly in the last 15 minutes. I have made it clear to you I don’t want to receive any from you. Please observe this boundary.
Motel rooms on the forum: uwu pwease don't dm me

Motel rooms in the dms: RIGHT FUCKING LISTEN HERE FUCKO, ABOUT THAT POST YOU FAVED U LITTLE SHIT,
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
Motel rooms on the forum: uwu pwease don't dm me

Motel rooms in the dms: RIGHT FUCKING LISTEN HERE FUCKO, ABOUT THAT POST YOU FAVED U LITTLE SHIT,

It's possible to report my PMs, toad. OP would've done it if I'd threatened her like a psycho...
 
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whatevs

whatevs

There is something special about deciding when
Jan 15, 2022
2,061
Can we not have the opposite of Buddhism in this thread? @motel rooms should just put on ignore Chinaski, like Mixolydian probably did with me months ago. 🤣 And not come to this peaceful thread to accuse her of whatever.

I'm still genuinely interested in Stoicism, Buddhism and Hinduism, though.

@A Hole Do your thing.
 
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Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
2,563
It's possible to report my PMs, toad.
It's possible to, like, not send people bullying PM's when they've specifically asked you not to? The Mods aren't the only people on the planet capable of deciding what constitutes acceptable conduct and what is weird harassment. I know you rely heavily on moderator approval but this is absolutely irrelevant.
 
motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
It's possible to, like, not send people bullying PM's when they've specifically asked you not to? The Mods aren't the only people on the planet capable of deciding what constitutes acceptable conduct and what is weird harassment. I know you rely heavily on moderator approval but this is absolutely irrelevant.

I hope the mods finally forbid us to interact with each other, that is the only solution. I know for a fact they do that sometimes. @A Hole @Meretlein @RainAndSadness
 
Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
2,563
Can we not have the opposite of Buddhism in this thread? @motel rooms should just put on ignore Chinaski, like Mixolydian probably did with me months ago. 🤣 And not come to this peaceful thread to accuse her of whatever.

I'm still genuinely interested in Stoicism, Buddhism and Stoicism, though.

@A Hole Do your thing.
Uh, l wasn't even interested in this thread until he dropped my name in it, something which you also do when you think I'm not looking. Suggesting he puts me on ignore implies that I'm the instigator here when this is patently not true.
I hope the mods finally forbid us to interact with each other, that is the only solution. I know for a fact they do that sometimes. @A Hole @Meretlein @RainAndSadness
You LITERALLY DROPPED MY NAME HERE FOR NO REASON why are you asking the mods to save you from a fight you instigated, fucking hell grow up man.
 
whatevs

whatevs

There is something special about deciding when
Jan 15, 2022
2,061
Uh, l wasn't even interested in this thread until he dropped my name in it, something which you also do when you think I'm not looking. Suggesting he puts me on ignore implies that I'm the instigator here when this is patently not true.
Well, no. I just think it will be the best for him, seeing how excited he gets with your disapproval, which will only grow with time.
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
a fight you instigated, fucking hell grow up man.

You started this by saying this:

"You state that you hate Stalinism as much as you hate misogyny yet the opportunity to challenge misogyny presents itself here very very regularly and you are silent on this, unless you're telling feminists they are extremists. You have no position, no underpinning principle and no courage in any conviction. Your opinions are hastily formed and half-baked and are based entirely on who you dislike and how you can use your assumed influence to turn people on this forum against them, usually in the form of some tediously factitious handwringing."

Read this thread, you rabid pitbull. Read it, you coward who's afraid to openly say he admires Stalin, a fucking butcher.

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/
It's possible to, like, not send people bullying PM's when they've specifically asked you not to?

I asked her to read the above thread, that's all. She's free to report that.
 
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Chinaski

Chinaski

Arthur Scargill appreciator
Sep 1, 2018
2,563
You started this by saying this:

"You state that you hate Stalinism as much as you hate misogyny yet the opportunity to challenge misogyny presents itself here very very regularly and you are silent on this, unless you're telling feminists they are extremists. You have no position, no underpinning principle and no courage in any conviction. Your opinions are hastily formed and half-baked and are based entirely on who you dislike and how you can use your assumed influence to turn people on this forum against them, usually in the form of some tediously factitious handwringing."

Read this thread, you rabid pitbull. Read it, you coward who's afraid to openly say he admires Stalin, a fucking butcher.

https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/how-being-a-poc-has-brought-you-to-ss.73865/


I asked her to read the above thread, that's all. She's free to report that.
She's free to report that, and I'm free to state that spamming the dms of someone who has clearly and openly stated they do not welcome it is harassment, spewing rage posts on people's profiles for faving posts you dislike is harassment, going from thread to thread to needlessly make them about you, and to rage without prompt against other users in this way, is disrespectful. When will you fucking learn that moderator approval of your conduct does not mean it's good. Just stop.
 
Mixolydian

Mixolydian

Warrior
Aug 2, 2020
648
This is the last message I will reply to you with, @motel rooms, so reply at your own risk, but I will not respond any further.

I still stand by all of my criticisms above. My criticism re: race was careful, measured, and based on the principles from irl activism work when doing work in communities that I am not a member of. I have been called out by people from the trans community, Latinx community, and black community for my own blindspots. Instead of raging against them defensively, telling them they are "bigoted" against me, or aggressively weighing my own oppression against theirs to justify my blindspot, I take a step back and listen. Why?

Because the truth is that regardless of our political leanings and inclinations, all of us have blindspots with regards to race, gender, ability, sexuality, and so on. These blindspots operate on a continuum. Not every person who holds problematic views will have a Klu Klux Klan hood on or a Trump MAGA hat on. If I lashed out at the last trans person who was upset with me because I used the wrong pronoun and re-asserted "well I'm queer, a woman, and a person of color and you don't know what I've been through" that does nothing but signal to them that I don't have the maturity or strength to be called out or held accountable. I have already shown myself to be blind to the nuance of their experience and therefore, unable to participate sincerely. I shouldn't be expecting them to protect my feelings on a conversation that's about them and expecting them to do so is just adding more onto their plate.

As for your claim that I am a misandrist or a man hater (and yet an apparent worshipper of Chinaski... a man?), I supported OceanBlue's posts because as a feminist, she stated her opposition to coded and overt misogyny. The implication that by extension I "hate all men" is black and white, simplistic at best. I doubt I'll be able to change your mind on this, so I'll leave it at that. None of the criticisms I've leveled at you here have implied that you're a monster, a bully, or otherwise; my criticisms have been squarely set on your behavior on this forum because I don't know who you are as a person.

This is a thread on Buddhism, a philosophy that is intended to cultivate compassion, kindness, and awareness in ourselves and others. So I leave you with this and this is my final message/communication to you and I hope moving forward, we do not participate on the same threads out of good will. I know that you have suffered and endured immense trauma throughout your childhood and that is not something I would take lightly or wish upon anyone. I am sure that these experiences have had far-reaching impact on you as an adult now. I am by no means perfect as a human being and am deeply flawed myself. But I am doing what I can to take control of poisonous emotions of sadness, depression, anger, greed, jealousy because uncontrolled, it would and will destroy me. I say it with no condescension that your pain and anger is very apparent, and I do hope one day you can find some peace, flexibility, and steadiness within yourself.
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,113
As for your claim that I am a misandrist or a man hater (and yet an apparent worshipper of Chinaski... a man?), I supported OceanBlue's posts because as a feminist, she stated her opposition to coded and overt misogyny. The implication that by extension I "hate all men" is black and white, simplistic at best.

OK, you don't hate all men. I apologize for suspecting that was the case. All I have to say about the woman you supported is that she & I were both ordered to stop talking to each other, so it's simplistic to conclude she's a saint & I'm evil.

I've "stated my opposition to misogyny" on many occasions. Believe it or not, I've done it IRL because other men assume I'm str8 & some of them have said disgusting things about women in front of me. I'm one of the people on here who've gotten misogynists & racists banned, & many members still remember that. I've called misogyny a systemic, much more widespread problem than misandry in a couple of threads. I only hate women who hate all men, especially those who are proud of it.

As someone whose mother hated & occasionally starved him because she convinced herself I'd seduced her pedophile husband as a toddler, I know only too well certain women are just as capable of being vicious as men. Misandry exists.

I know that you have suffered and endured immense trauma throughout your childhood and that is not something I would take lightly or wish upon anyone. I am sure that these experiences have had far-reaching impact on you as an adult now.

Thank you for acknowledging my suffering & not dehumanizing/demonizing me. I'm flawed, but I'm not deranged. I'm capable of giving & receiving love; if that weren't the case, I wouldn't still be alive.

Anyway, I promise to stop interacting with you. I wish you health.
 
GentleJerk

GentleJerk

Carrot juice aficionado.
Dec 14, 2021
1,235
I lived with Vietnamese Buddhists for years, they were great times. The teachings of Buddhism and that temple brought me a great deal of happiness and guidance at the time, although I was never a devout or serious practitioner in ritual etc. Nothing much beyond attending a few gatherings and festivals, casual reading, discussing it with others and going vegetarian for a while.

It became more difficult for me as I went further beyond the surface levels of buddhism, and eventually spent time with some Tibetan practitioners. It got to a point where I realised I could not continue further along that path in this lifetime, especially as of late since my health has declined, which has brought about feelings of failure.

These days, my experiences with Buddhism actually seem to cause me a substantial amount of mental discomfort. It's difficult to explain, but one aspect of it is, I can't even spend time around people or pets, my mother, my disabled daughter, or even alone without a persistent and unpleasant background rumination of the workings of karma and awareness of samsaric realms of suffering, feelings of guilt, inevitability of death and likelihood of rebirth, etc etc.

Even though at the temple over the years, there were a couple of monks who seemed to experience something similar, and I saw more than one mental breakdown- I realise this is probably more of an individual or a 'me' issue rather than a Buddhism issue. It's also possible that spiritual growth is probably not possible without some level of harsh reality checks, even if I sometimes do wish I could go back to being blissfully ignorant of the many things I no longer seem able to ignore.

I don't mean to speak against anyone else's practice or interest in Buddhism either. At a lay level, Buddhists are generally some of the kindest and most compassionate people I have met. I am delighted to hear about people benefiting from dharma teachings and I wish you all the best on this path OP.

Namo Amitabha!
 
Foresight

Foresight

Global Mod
Jun 14, 2019
1,223
These days, my experiences with Buddhism actually seem to cause me a substantial amount of mental discomfort. It's difficult to explain, but one aspect of it is, I can't even spend time around people or pets, my mother, my disabled daughter, or even alone without a persistent and unpleasant background rumination of the workings of karma and awareness of samsaric realms of suffering, feelings of guilt, inevitability of death and likelihood of rebirth, etc etc.

Even though at the temple over the years, there were a couple of monks who seemed to experience something similar, and I saw more than one mental breakdown- I realise this is probably more of an individual or a 'me' issue rather than a Buddhism issue. It's also possible that spiritual growth is probably not possible without some level of harsh reality checks, even if I sometimes do wish I could go back to being blissfully ignorant of the many things I no longer seem able to ignore.
It's definitely not just you. My husband experiences this as well. I'm a follower of gnostic principles at heart and that mitigates the feelings for me.

I want to mention to others you can follow the principles and be an atheist too. Sam Harris comes to mind.
 
whatevs

whatevs

There is something special about deciding when
Jan 15, 2022
2,061
I lived with Vietnamese Buddhists for years, they were great times. The teachings of Buddhism and that temple brought me a great deal of happiness and guidance at the time, although I was never a devout or serious practitioner in ritual etc. Nothing much beyond attending a few gatherings and festivals, casual reading, discussing it with others and going vegetarian for a while.

It became more difficult for me as I went further beyond the surface levels of buddhism, and eventually spent time with some Tibetan practitioners. It got to a point where I realised I could not continue further along that path in this lifetime, especially as of late since my health has declined, which has brought about feelings of failure.

These days, my experiences with Buddhism actually seem to cause me a substantial amount of mental discomfort. It's difficult to explain, but one aspect of it is, I can't even spend time around people or pets, my mother, my disabled daughter, or even alone without a persistent and unpleasant background rumination of the workings of karma and awareness of samsaric realms of suffering, feelings of guilt, inevitability of death and likelihood of rebirth, etc etc.

Even though at the temple over the years, there were a couple of monks who seemed to experience something similar, and I saw more than one mental breakdown- I realise this is probably more of an individual or a 'me' issue rather than a Buddhism issue. It's also possible that spiritual growth is probably not possible without some level of harsh reality checks, even if I sometimes do wish I could go back to being blissfully ignorant of the many things I no longer seem able to ignore.

I don't mean to speak against anyone else's practice or interest in Buddhism either. At a lay level, Buddhists are generally some of the kindest and most compassionate people I have met. I am delighted to hear about people benefiting from dharma teachings and I wish you all the best on this path OP.

Namo Amitabha!
Sometimes we are not ready. I have come to accept that my spiritual practice might have been just to avoid becoming a dangerous criminal. Knowing the story of some serial murderers etc I can see some similarities. If you have very dense Karma perhaps that´s all you can do, fight off the darkness and consume all your energies in that. That´s my take on what you wrote, I´m not implying you are a dormant criminal like I think I am lol
It's definitely not just you. My husband experiences this as well. I'm a follower of gnostic principles at heart and that mitigates the feelings for me.

I want to mention to others you can follow the principles and be an atheist too. Sam Harris comes to mind.
Hey, I would enjoy a thread from you explaining your readings and understanding of Gnosticism, I delved into that a little bit years ago and still think it makes more sense than mainstream Christianity.
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Meowing to go out
Dec 27, 2020
1,249
Sometimes we are not ready. I have come to accept that my spiritual practice might have been just to avoid becoming a dangerous criminal.
This situation is often referred to as a 'spiritual bypass'. In my case it's about evading my social isolation and depression, and results have been at best inconsistent. However, a master would likely not acknowledge any such thing as a spiritual bypass, as they experience this world-view as a higher truth, rather than a pain-reduction mind trick. Perhaps it is sensible to make efforts to work through psychological and lifestyle woes simultaneously.

These days, my experiences with Buddhism actually seem to cause me a substantial amount of mental discomfort.
This can be a legitimate part of an evolutionary process. Sometimes as people progress, their behaviour actually becomes worse, or all sorts of issues come up. But this is bringing to the surface things that were previously buried outright. If you are ever so inclined, a competent teacher could help you overcome those feelings.