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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I'm getting closer to ctb. I have my handgun and my bullets arrived today in the mail. I just canceled some memberships I had. I'm making my preparations. Now I just have to determine where I want to be when I pull the trigger. I thought about being in the bathtub so it would be easier to clean up, but the apartment would become a crime scene and my husband and cat wouldn't be able to stay here while the clean-up and investigation are going on, and my husband doesn't really have any money to stay in a hotel or to board the cat somewhere. So, I thought about walking somewhere and just sitting down and pulling the trigger. I don't want to take the car with me because I want my husband to have the car.

I spend so much of my life worrying about things and that is one of the reasons I want to die. Yet, here I am worrying about the mess I will leave behind. Worry about living and worrying about dying... that's my life story.
 
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itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
465
I wish I had access to a gun. I can't because I have a mental health history. A really overexaggerated one actually. You have the most lethal and quickest means available. I'm sorry that it has gotten to this point for you. I hope you know what you're doing because I'm sure you've seen pictures or read stories about people who have just horribly disfigured themselves. A suicide not makes sense if you want to write one because it'll explain what exactly happened. I hope you end up in a better place than here. This post made me very sad. How are you yourself feeling about going through with it though?
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I wish I had access to a gun. I can't because I have a mental health history. A really overexaggerated one actually. You have the most lethal and quickest means available. I'm sorry that it has gotten to this point for you. I hope you know what you're doing because I'm sure you've seen pictures or read stories about people who have just horribly disfigured themselves. A suicide not makes sense if you want to write one because it'll explain what exactly happened. I hope you end up in a better place than here. This post made me very sad. How are you yourself feeling about going through with it though?

I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm just going to put the gun to my temple and pull the trigger. I just hope for the best. I am scared I'll ruin it but I'm also scared of trying to keep on living. I have such terrible anxiety and depression that I can't keep on living like this. It's living that scares me. I'm not afraid of death though I do worry I'll mess it up. As far as I know it's a pretty reliable method. That gives me a little confidence.
 
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Ambivalent

Member
Jul 15, 2018
11
Recoil is a big risk. I read a story once of someone who tried to use a gun on himself and ended up blowing off part of his skull and living the rest of his life with severe brain damage and paralysis.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
Recoil is a big risk. I read a story once of someone who tried to use a gun on himself and ended up blowing off part of his skull and living the rest of his life with severe brain damage and paralysis.

That is scary. And this gun does have a bit of a kick.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
Your lucky to be able to get a gun I wish I had one this would be over already I'd be done living with this pain

I feel lucky that I have it. I'm afraid to use it but I'm going to be left with no choice. I'm going to keep practicing with ligature strangulation using the tourniquet method. I'd rather die that way but it's looking like the gun may have to be it for me.
 
Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
724
I suggest going to the shooting range if you have access to one.

I own multiple firearms, and I instantly felt more comfortable with the idea of suicide by shotgun after shooting 50 or so slugs through mine. A handgun is the same way.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I suggest going to the shooting range if you have access to one.

I own multiple firearms, and I instantly felt more comfortable with the idea of suicide by shotgun after shooting 50 or so slugs through mine. A handgun is the same way.

I actually have plans to go to the shooting range tomorrow.
 
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Sternum

Student
May 12, 2018
121
I'm not skilled enough to aim for anything other than the temple. Also, I just read a study that said 67% of gunshot suicides are from the right temple.
Lots of people point at the temple (probably because it’s so common in movies), but shooting at the front of your brain is the most likely way to survive a gunshot to the head. Others are right, hitting vital structures at he base of the neck is essential. Imagine being in some sort of limbo where you are still alive, supported by machines, for years, perhaps in and out of consciousness but not able to communicate to anyone. That may be the worst possible scenario. I strongly suggest not pointing at your temple. My suggestion: put the gun inside your mouth and point straight back. You can’t miss that way. I hope you find peace and have a fast, painless end, if you decide to follow through with it.
 
Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Paragon
Jul 9, 2018
974
Worry and stress are kind of the way of modern existence have you ever tried kratom? It's an opiate like plant mostly legal except for a few States. Seems good for anxiety and worries.
 
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Smilla

Smilla

-
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Thank you. I definitely hope it is painless! I wanted a fast method and this seemed to fit the bill.

Please please don’t aim for your temple, this is the worst possible place to aim. You need to aim for the brainstem, which calls for aiming high inside the mouth.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
Worry and stress are kind of the way of modern existence have you ever tried kratom? It's an opiate like plant mostly legal except for a few States. Seems good for anxiety and worries.

When I lived in Virginia I tried Kratom. But now I live in Indiana and it is illegal here.
 
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Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
If I were you I would do some research and do my best to make sure that I'm using the right gun and the right bullet and right location at aiming. A little research is not a bad thing if it's something this important.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
If I were you I would do some research and do my best to make sure that I'm using the right gun and the right bullet and right location at aiming. A little research is not a bad thing if it's something this important.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through.

I bought some pretty rough bullets, that will pretty much tear me up. Their name is R.I.P., for Radically Invasive Projectile. Interestingly enough, on the box it says, "The last round you will ever need." I guess we'll find out if that's true or not. I don't really know how to research suicide by gun because not many people live to tell their stories. All over the web there are differences of opinion on which location is best. I'm just glad I found that study that said 67% of gun suicides are on the right temple, because that's easiest for me.
 
Smilla

Smilla

-
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
I bought some pretty rough bullets, that will pretty much tear me up. Their name is R.I.P., for Radically Invasive Projectile. Interestingly enough, on the box it says, "The last round you will ever need." I guess we'll find out if that's true or not. I don't really know how to research suicide by gun because not many people live to tell their stories. All over the web there are differences of opinion on which location is best. I'm just glad I found that study that said 67% of gun suicides are on the right temple, because that's easiest for me.


What caliber do you have?
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I'd prefer to do it at home but I just don't want them to turn this place into a crime scene, leaving my husband and cat without a place to stay for however long it takes the authorities to do their work.

There is a shopping center walking distance from here that has a few empty shops in the back where I could go to peacefully do the deed. I just want to spare my husband and cat as much inconvenience as possible. (My death is already going to be a huge inconvenience.)
 

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