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M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
I am pretty sure this is my last week of life. Please don’t shame me or think I’m some drama queen if not. I already hate that I took this long....and I have been ready for months but I know I will be nervous that last day, for a myriad of reasons.

Today I checked one last thing that could have potentially affected my family financially and learned they would not be responsible for my student loan or medical debt. Relieved to know that since I’m already such a gigantic burden on them as is.

I don’t know how to describe how it feels. Restlessness, relief it will all be over soon. Knowing I have nothing left to give anyone but also tempted to talk to someone on my last day. Would you guys be there for me the day of? It’s hard. Don’t want to put extra pressure on myself but also don’t want to spend that last day entirely alone. Seems wrong somehow.

Really glad I have some benzos to calm my nerves before I do it.
 
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BlackDragonof1989

BlackDragonof1989

Mage
Jul 12, 2018
526
I am pretty sure this is my last week of life. Please don’t shame me or think I’m some drama queen if not. I already hate that I took this long....and I have been ready for months but I know I will be nervous that last day, for a myriad of reasons. I checked one last thing that could have potentially affected my family financially and learned they would not be responsible for my student loan debt.

I don’t know how to describe how it feels. Restlessness, relief it will all be over soon. Knowing I have nothing left to give anyone but also tempted to talk to someone on my last day. Would you guys be there for me the day of? It’s hard. Don’t want to put extra pressure on myself but also don’t want to spend that last day entirely alone.

Really glad I have some benzos to calm my nerves before I do it. It takes nerves of steel.
I will miss seeing you around and I suspect much of the community will too, you are a very articulate and kind, gentle person from where I stand. I will likely be here, no promises but yes, you know we're always around *hugs* I'm sorry to see you go but you have to do what's right for you. Cough syrup is keeping me afloat today, I'm glad the benzos can help comfort you a little at least.
 
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
I will miss seeing you around and I suspect much of the community will too, you are a very articulate and kind, gentle person from where I stand. I will likely be here, no promises but yes, you know we're always around *hugs* I'm sorry to see you go but you have to do what's right for you. Cough syrup is keeping me afloat today, I'm glad the benzos can help comfort you a little at least.
Thanks. I’m crying a little right now. I appreciate your reassurance.

I know I have to do this though. Wish people would understand this isn’t the easy way out.
 
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
I hate that I lost so much.
I hate that I can no longer be a productive or independent person in society.
I hate who I have become and there is nothing I can do about it.
I hate that I mattered only to the extent to which I could offer pleasure or comfort to other people.
I hate that I am such a misanthrope now.
I hate that I will be remembered as a toxic person when I tried so hard in my relationships but they all got fucked anyway.
I hate that I didn’t do this sooner.
 
B

Ben

-
Sep 12, 2018
785
I am pretty sure this is my last week of life. Please don’t shame me or think I’m some drama queen if not. I already hate that I took this long....and I have been ready for months but I know I will be nervous that last day, for a myriad of reasons.

Today I checked one last thing that could have potentially affected my family financially and learned they would not be responsible for my student loan or medical debt. Relieved to know that since I’m already such a gigantic burden on them as is.

I don’t know how to describe how it feels. Restlessness, relief it will all be over soon. Knowing I have nothing left to give anyone but also tempted to talk to someone on my last day. Would you guys be there for me the day of? It’s hard. Don’t want to put extra pressure on myself but also don’t want to spend that last day entirely alone. Seems wrong somehow.

Really glad I have some benzos to calm my nerves before I do it.

Many users, myself included, will be here for you whenever you need us..including up to your last moments. I’m glad a little bit of burden was taken off your shoulders. Whenever you need to talk, my inbox is always open, and your posts will not go unoticed.

I also read your second comment about what you hate. I have my own highlight reel that plays over and over too. Don’t hate yourself. Whatever person you think you are now, try to at least give yourself a bit of inner peace. I hate to see people beating themselves up.

Worrying is like a rocking chair, you go back and fourth, back and fourth, but you never get anywhere. It’s so hard to deal with anything when your in constant agony. Try just living in the moment. I deal with the right here right now, and try not to let guilt and despair of my past eat me alive.

You will not be without contact if you seek it. I cant promise much, but I can promise that. Much love.
 
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
Many users, myself included, will be here for you whenever you need us..including up to your last moments. I’m glad a little bit of burden was taken off your shoulders. Whenever you need to talk, my inbox is always open, and your posts will not go unoticed.

I also read your second comment about what you hate. I have my own highlight reel that plays over and over too. Don’t hate yourself. Whatever person you think you are now, try to at least give yourself a bit of inner peace. I hate to see people beating themselves up.

Worrying is like a rocking chair, you go back and fourth, back and fourth, but you never get anywhere. It’s so hard to deal with anything when your in constant agony. Try just living in the moment. I deal with the right here right now, and try not to let guilt and despair of my past eat me alive.

You will not be without contact if you seek it. I cant promise much, but I can promise that. Much love.
Thank you, Ben. I’m trying, but I know I won’t attain full peace about this, mostly because of everything that happened to me the last couple years. Most of the time I’m so exhausted and suffering so much that I don’t feel anything else- but for some reason it’s just so fucking hard today. I am a brave person, but I’m looking into the void and it’s a lot. Guess I’ll see if I can take your advice and try to release this intense self hatred before I go. I have no idea how but I will try.
 
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skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
As everyone else has stated, we'll all be here with you in the end. Granted it's not the same as having someone be physically next to you when you do it, but what can you do. I'm sorry life has pushed you into a position where you prefer to leave. You seem like a good person from what I've seen here. No matter what choice you take, or whether you succeed or not, just know I and everyone else are always here for you. If you need to you can send me a message the day of so you don't feel so alone.
 
B

Ben

-
Sep 12, 2018
785
Thank you, Ben. I’m trying, but I know I won’t attain full peace about this, mostly because of everything that happened to me the last couple years. Most of the time I’m so exhausted and suffering so much that I don’t feel anything else- but for some reason it’s just so fucking hard today. I am a brave person, but I’m looking into the void and it’s a lot. Guess I’ll see if I can take your advice and try to release this intense self hatred before I go. I have no idea how but I will try.

I understand. Being able to forget or ignore isn’t something you can automatically will yourself to do sometimes. I just don’t feel anybody deserves to spend their last days filled with self hatred. None of that hateful aura will catch you alone when you come here. I will never agree with why you hate yourself
 
SamK

SamK

Cloud Surfing
Aug 21, 2018
280
I will miss you so much @MorningAngel. This is so hard. But you are not the mess-up you feel you are. You're a lovely person who will be missed by people who never even met you in person. I'm only one of those people. <3 I agree with ben, I feel you deserve to find some peace within yourself first of all and most important of all. You are so lovely, warm, helpful, friendly ... there's a lot of qualities within you. I think you are great. I hope I can be here for you
 
BaconCheeseburger

BaconCheeseburger

Comfort-eating
Aug 4, 2018
689
Thank you for being here Morning Angel. I only wish the best for you.

It's totally understandable to be anxious about your last day, but we're here with you.

I don't know what else to say, but I'm sending the biggest hug in your direction xx
 
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
As everyone else has stated, we'll all be here with you in the end. Granted it's not the same as having someone be physically next to you when you do it, but what can you do. I'm sorry life has pushed you into a position where you prefer to leave. You seem like a good person from what I've seen here. No matter what choice you take, or whether you succeed or not, just know I and everyone else are always here for you. If you need to you can send me a message the day of so you don't feel so alone.
Thank you very much, soa.
 
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M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
I will miss you so much @MorningAngel. This is so hard. But you are not the mess-up you feel you are. You're a lovely person who will be missed by people who never even met you in person. I'm only one of those people. <3 I agree with ben, I feel you deserve to find some peace within yourself first of all and most important of all. You are so lovely, warm, helpful, friendly ... there's a lot of qualities within you. I think you are great. I hope I can be here for you
You know how I feel about you and our shared struggle. I appreciate you, Sam. Thanks for having kept me company on kik while I had it.
 
SamK

SamK

Cloud Surfing
Aug 21, 2018
280
And remember what I said. If for any reason you change your mind on holding off for three weeks i'll still go ahead as planned,
I'll talk to you later ok? vent away all you need
I noticed that the closer it gets , it was the same for me (and is) the more pain I feel because it's a sudden realization that wow. Life has really been messed up and like you say the things you missed out on. I feel the same way. I'm happy for others but knowing i look at my own fate being this I just somehow grieve for the life that never was. But i'm also working on coming to terms and making peace with things as they are. The people that never stayed or burned bridges never deserved a place anyway. The relationships that messed up were not all your fault , anyway <3
The things you didn't do were not all your fault either.. because we're human

Listen to this

Highly Suspect-My name is human

A friend posted this and it struck something within me as well. You know, we make mistakes, we're not bad people, we're hurting people. Now after all we've been through we owe that to ourselves to just one more time , love and forgive all you've done so you can find that peace with you..

I know sounds easier said than done but you can vent to me all you need in the next few days i'll be here

hug hug
 
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
Thanks for humoring this little breakdown of mine, all. Still nervous about next week but not as much as before.
 
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Reactions: Angel Goddess
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
I just thought I’d update you all who commented on this thread. A couple people asked me if I was going this week, if I’m dying today etc. I fully intended to do it today but I had to sort out (and am still sorting through) some massive interruptions.

I don’t think there will be (fingers crossed) setbacks now. God I am really hoping. I absolutely cannot ruin November/December for my family, as these are holiday months. I refuse to do it, on top of all the other shame I’ll be inviting on them with my death.

Not sure if I’ll post a goodbye because I really don’t want to be a subject of morbid curiosity. But I still don’t want my last moments to be alone.... so I’ll cut a compromise of some kind I’m sure.

Love to you all ❤️
 
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M

Miss clefable

-
Aug 23, 2018
1,589
I just thought I’d update you all who commented on this thread. A couple people asked me if I was going this week, if I’m dying today etc. I fully intended to do it today but I had to sort out (and am still sorting through) some massive interruptions.

I don’t think there will be (fingers crossed) setbacks now. God I am really hoping. I absolutely cannot ruin November/December for my family, as these are holiday months. I refuse to do it, on top of all the other shame I’ll be inviting on them with my death.

Not sure if I’ll post a goodbye because I really don’t want to be a subject of morbid curiosity. But I still don’t want my last moments to be alone.... so I’ll cut a compromise of some kind I’m sure.

Love to you all ❤️
This is why I don’t post good bye posts anymore but hugs Love you too
 
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
Can I get some advice from you guys about something small/stupid?

I intend to destroy my phone right before I do my method. But I also want very much to listen to music as I go. It’s so important to me. But I don’t have a laptop and my phone is all I have....... ideas? Workarounds?

Also, will dropping a phone in a sink full of plugged water be enough to destroy it completely?
 
M

Miss clefable

-
Aug 23, 2018
1,589
Can I get some advice from you guys about something small/stupid?

I intend to destroy my phone right before I do my method. But I also want very much to listen to music as I go. It’s so important to me. But I don’t have a laptop and my phone is all I have....... ideas? Workarounds?

Also, will dropping a phone in a sink full of plugged water be enough to destroy it completely?
CD player or streaming depends on the phone
 
throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,445
I am pretty sure this is my last week of life. Please don’t shame me or think I’m some drama queen if not. I already hate that I took this long....and I have been ready for months but I know I will be nervous that last day, for a myriad of reasons.

Today I checked one last thing that could have potentially affected my family financially and learned they would not be responsible for my student loan or medical debt. Relieved to know that since I’m already such a gigantic burden on them as is.

I don’t know how to describe how it feels. Restlessness, relief it will all be over soon. Knowing I have nothing left to give anyone but also tempted to talk to someone on my last day. Would you guys be there for me the day of? It’s hard. Don’t want to put extra pressure on myself but also don’t want to spend that last day entirely alone. Seems wrong somehow.

Really glad I have some benzos to calm my nerves before I do it.
What's your method?
 
Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Super duper enlightened
Sep 9, 2018
1,707
I hope you achieve the outcome you want with peace, serenity and relative comfort. I always wish I could offer up more of myself to those in their final moments but being new here and crap at socializing both online and offline I feel like that is a pipedream. Despite that, I want you and others to know I always spend at least a little time thinking of the person we know is close to the end on here. Best of luck to you.
 
M

Morning Angel

Useless Broken Wings
Aug 8, 2018
619
I hope you achieve the outcome you want with peace, serenity and relative comfort. I always wish I could offer up more of myself to those in their final moments but being new here and crap at socializing both online and offline I feel like that is a pipedream. Despite that, I want you and others to know I always spend at least a little time thinking of the person we know is close to the end on here. Best of luck to you.
Being new is no issue, I appreciate the well wishes and I feel you care. Thank you for this.