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Delia

Delia

Cerulean star
May 15, 2018
230
Is it normal if i've never felt love truly?
Like.
I felt sparks like, flirting with people, felt that lil tingling in my heart and then the next day nothing...
I had three girlfriend and one crush, the first guy I felt head over heels for him but eventually something sad happened and I went through a long depression.
I cant say I loved my first girlfriend, I feel like I became hers because I thought I loved her but I really didn't and then I distanced myself until we broke up.
I loved the second but not enough, she was stressful, morally tiring, I couldn't stick with her or i'd become depressed once again.
currently, mine's someone quite different, I know I loved her and I love her... ish.
I mean I wad obsessed with her for a specific period then it toned down. She often tell me how much she loves me and all but returning gestures to prove that I do is so hard, and when she says she's happy i'm around i'm like "really?how?" Because i'm nothing special and I'm quite boring. Well i'm happy she's around too but she feels so enthusiastic and I can't help but to wonder why i'm not like this. Sometimes I think she doesnt deserve me. I wonder if I just can't love properly.