- Jul 20, 2018
I hate humans. I hate myself. I hate everyone. Humans are just meat and bone bags filled with disguisting fluids and other nonsense. I'm disguisted everytime i see someone. That includes myself. Everytime someone talks to me in real life i can't help but cringe. Most of the time i'm silent in real life and only respond with yes or no. Words disguist me. People disguist me. I want to go out of this world because i can't stand anything anymore. I have aspergers so that alone just messes me up. Let alone anxiety that prevents me from going outside unless i'm on meds. I'm not even depressed anymore. I'm numb. I can't stand this world anymore. Only things that keep me from ctb are video games. I don't even know if i want to die. I don't want to die but i don't want to be alive either. I just wanna stay home and listen to music or play video games. I wish a world existed where i'm alone and immortal with infinite resources. Hell, even writing out this paragraph made me cringe because of all those words. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to gouge my eyes out and rip out my organs with my bare hands to not have to deal with anything. I don't have any hope anymore. I get these moments when i'm ready to just ctb. And then these moments go by and i don't want to do it anymore. Then they come back. And the cycle continues. Over. And over. And over again. Why do people have to be so fking annoying and disguisting. Why can't everyone just be spirits that wander around. No humans. No living things. Just spirits that don't talk. Hell. Maybe one day i won't have to deal with it anymore. But i'm 99% sure that the day will never come. Life sucks. World sucks. Everything about it does.