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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
Hi there, I am new so apologies if I get anything wrong. I am looking to set up my camp bed in my garage and then use the carbon monoxide method using charcoal bbqs. I am in the UK so the garage is fairly small. Should I try and tape up the doors to stop the gas escaping or will it be ok? I will put warning posters on the doors to warn whoever enters so not to endanger them. Do people think this method will work? I have plenty of sleeping meds so will hopefully be asleep but I am concerned the carbon monoxide won't work in the space of a garage?
 
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musicislife

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Jun 15, 2018
159
Hi there, I am new so apologies if I get anything wrong. I am looking to set up my camp bed in my garage and then use the carbon monoxide method using charcoal bbqs. I am in the UK so the garage is fairly small. Should I try and tape up the doors to stop the gas escaping or will it be ok? I will put warning posters on the doors to warn whoever enters so not to endanger them. Do people think this method will work? I have plenty of sleeping meds so will hopefully be asleep but I am concerned the carbon monoxide won't work in the space of a garage?
Out of curiosity what’s your background age etc reason for wanting to go ?
 
L

Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
I am 42 and have long standing mental health issues. They have ruined my life. It's hard to describe but I find life too painful and overwhelming, I always have. I have given life a shot and it's not all been bad (but I've always wanted to be dead even if not actually planning) but over the last few years things have deteriorated and I know this is the right decision. I have wanted to die since I was 8. I promised when I was 12 that I would not see my 43rd birthday which is in 10 days.
How about you?
 
El Topo

El Topo

(---)
Apr 21, 2018
480
Hi there, I am new so apologies if I get anything wrong. I am looking to set up my camp bed in my garage and then use the carbon monoxide method using charcoal bbqs. I am in the UK so the garage is fairly small. Should I try and tape up the doors to stop the gas escaping or will it be ok? I will put warning posters on the doors to warn whoever enters so not to endanger them. Do people think this method will work? I have plenty of sleeping meds so will hopefully be asleep but I am concerned the carbon monoxide won't work in the space of a garage?

It's advisable to use as small a space as possible, so if you have a car or a tent, that would be better. But if the garage is all you have, it would help to tape up the doors and any other possible leaks.
 
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goggleboxers

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May 24, 2018
145
I am 42 and have long standing mental health issues. They have ruined my life. It's hard to describe but I find life too painful and overwhelming, I always have. I have given life a shot and it's not all been bad (but I've always wanted to be dead even if not actually planning) but over the last few years things have deteriorated and I know this is the right decision. I have wanted to die since I was 8. I promised when I was 12 that I would not see my 43rd birthday which is in 10 days.
How about you?
I’ve got s mental condition that has developed over the past couple of years and got worse over time to which there’s no cure ... similar in 40s ... I’d go today but my mum is stopping me .. don’t mean physically mentally .. but shit on my dad hey that I’m not taking his feelings into consideration but I’ve always had him down as stronger like he’d be able take my death somehow

I love life love the blue skies the green trees but accept il be dead one day anyway so bringing it forward meh

You don’t think you’ll be able to hold on see what pans out after 43 ? Do you have any children , a partner ?
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
I understand what you say about your mum. I do feel bad for my family but I hope they understand in time. I never had children as I hate this world and would never want a child to feel like I have. My partner of 20 years left me a few months ago for someone else and I can't blame him.
I am done, I will always have to fight my mental health and it's torture at times.
Do you have a partner or children?
 
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goggleboxers

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May 24, 2018
145
I understand what you say about your mum. I do feel bad for my family but I hope they understand in time. I never had children as I hate this world and would never want a child to feel like I have. My partner of 20 years left me a few months ago for someone else and I can't blame him.
I am done, I will always have to fight my mental health and it's torture at times.
Do you have a partner or children?
No negative to both could never bring children up with my condition and being in a relationship too is just off limits , nieces and nephews are the closest thing I have to children and I have a bit of money put away so the plan would be to leave them a good amount when they turn 18 as a start in life

I wish Just wish I could go now I’m done really done and sounds stupid at least if I went before my mum dies and she’s in her 80s I wouldn’t have the pain of losing her to suffer

Don’t you think there’s anything you can do to hang on in there?
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
I am leaving everything to my nieces. I got my Will written last month.

I get what you mean about wanting to go before your mum as the pain would be unbearable but I imagine if you went first it would break her. There is no easy answer and it must be so hard for you.

I ended up in a psych hospital the last attempt and I can't fail this time. I think that was my last shot to make it better and I can't.

You obviously don't have to answer but can I ask your mental health diagnosis?
 
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goggleboxer

Member
Jun 10, 2018
21
I am leaving everything to my nieces. I got my Will written last month.

I get what you mean about wanting to go before your mum as the pain would be unbearable but I imagine if you went first it would break her. There is no easy answer and it must be so hard for you.

I ended up in a psych hospital the last attempt and I can't fail this time. I think that was my last shot to make it better and I can't.

You obviously don't have to answer but can I ask your mental health diagnosis?
Sorry yes I don’t want to say on here sounds daft but you mention psych hospitals and although probably got better things to do than be watching on here I don’t want to say too much which gives me away !! What about your parents ? Are they still alive ? What was your last attempt ?
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
No worries, totally understand. I hope I haven't given too much away.
Yes my parents are still alive, my mum and step dad. I live in a different part of the country to my family so they won't be the ones to find me or anything. I know they will be so disappointed and upset but my siblings I hope are more up to date and will help them understand I did what was right for me.
My last attempt was hanging but my care co and old therapist showed up unexpectedly. They had never been to my house before but my old therapist had a suspicion. They would get the police if I didn't let them in. It was all really scary but I will be smarter this time. I don't think most people realise how horrible it is to feel suicidal and how hard and draining it is.
 
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goggleboxer

Member
Jun 10, 2018
21
No worries, totally understand. I hope I haven't given too much away.
Yes my parents are still alive, my mum and step dad. I live in a different part of the country to my family so they won't be the ones to find me or anything. I know they will be so disappointed and upset but my siblings I hope are more up to date and will help them understand I did what was right for me.
My last attempt was hanging but my care co and old therapist showed up unexpectedly. They had never been to my house before but my old therapist had a suspicion. They would get the police if I didn't let them in. It was all really scary but I will be smarter this time. I don't think most people realise how horrible it is to feel suicidal and how hard and draining it is.
See I can’t help but advocate that others don’t go through with it regardless of how i feel I hate the thought of another person thinking about it (even though I guess this is the purpose of this site) .. is it loo late too seek any advice ? I know your 12 year old promised you wouldn’t see 43 but is it not possible to maybe try and see ? I don’t want to talk you out of anything just make sure you’ve exhausted all options !!

How come your not planning on leaving some money to your mum ? On top of the money I plan to give to nieces and nephews there’s still a good amount for other family members but I don’t think they’d take my money seeing as in their eyes it was a selfish act
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
My parents and siblings are ok for money. I just thought it was the right thing to do. As I have recently moved house and officially donated my body to medical science I did have to tell my siblings and parents my wishes. They thought I was doing a new Will as it's kind of what you do when you buy a new house and split up with my ex.

I hear you, I hate that people feel suicidal and that websites like this have to exist as there are so many people in so much mental pain. I wish I could magic everyone's pain away. I am just grateful that this place exists where we can be open and honest as I can't be anywhere else.

I have received help and tried different meds and therapies and I just can't do it anymore. I would be putting off the inevitable. I have put it off for far too long. Only I could make myself better and I am incapable. I'm sorry.
 
E

Era

New Member
Jun 16, 2018
2
No worries, totally understand. I hope I haven't given too much away.
Yes my parents are still alive, my mum and step dad. I live in a different part of the country to my family so they won't be the ones to find me or anything. I know they will be so disappointed and upset but my siblings I hope are more up to date and will help them understand I did what was right for me.
My last attempt was hanging but my care co and old therapist showed up unexpectedly. They had never been to my house before but my old therapist had a suspicion. They would get the police if I didn't let them in. It was all really scary but I will be smarter this time. I don't think most people realise how horrible it is to feel suicidal and how hard and draining it is.


I won't try and say that I understand how hard and draining it is to feel suicidal. I understand a little bit how you feel that there is no solution and that there is no meaning in continuing. But don't you think that your current suffering won't disappear after you do the deed? that you will just pass your current state of suffering to the people that are closest to you, and that they would have to continue with your pain? I understand the fear of the unknown and the fear of what your life will be in the future, but don't you think that there is always a slime possibility it becomes better? isn't this makes it worth it to try and see what life brings, instead of projecting that the future only hides sadness, why don't you try and step into this future and then decide what life has for you?
I really hope that your life becomes better and that you find the happiness that every being deserves. I just come across this forum and read your story, my heart broke and I cried for what you're going through. I love you and hope you find the peace of mind and pleasure in life.
 
L

Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
Thank you so so much for your love and kindness, it means so much.
I respect your views and I have been considering and pondering your points for many years. Life could possibly get better but I don't care at this point anymore. I am at peace with my decision.
I am sorry for making you cry, that was never my intention.
Take care and thank you.
 
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goggleboxers

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May 24, 2018
145
My parents and siblings are ok for money. I just thought it was the right thing to do. As I have recently moved house and officially donated my body to medical science I did have to tell my siblings and parents my wishes. They thought I was doing a new Will as it's kind of what you do when you buy a new house and split up with my ex.

I hear you, I hate that people feel suicidal and that websites like this have to exist as there are so many people in so much mental pain. I wish I could magic everyone's pain away. I am just grateful that this place exists where we can be open and honest as I can't be anywhere else.

I have received help and tried different meds and therapies and I just can't do it anymore. I would be putting off the inevitable. I have put it off for far too long. Only I could make myself better and I am incapable. I'm sorry.
Well good luck with whichever path you take ... one question won’t you feel lonely dying alone ? This is one thought that crosses my mind enough times throughout my thinking like when older and you die of age unless sudden like a heart attack people tend to be surrounded by family
 
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Era

New Member
Jun 16, 2018
2
You don't really need to apologize for making me cry, I knew it wasn't your intention. I just wanted to tell you that there are people who you will meet and make you feel loved and help you forget your sorrows. I know there are people in the future for you.
I know it seems selfish what I'm doing or saying, the fact that I so want to help you feel the pleasures of life and make you feel better. There was someone in my high-school two years ago who was depressed, and finally took his life. I didn't know him personally, but until his last day, he was just looking for some people to love him and to help him with life. It saddens me that he just couldn't find anyone and that I didn't notice his pain.
I just wanted to understand you better, try and help you if possible by being a friend, or just a listening ear.
Take care, and may life bring you joy, or at the very least, bring you final peace.
With love
 
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goggleboxers

-
May 24, 2018
145
My parents and siblings are ok for money. I just thought it was the right thing to do. As I have recently moved house and officially donated my body to medical science I did have to tell my siblings and parents my wishes. They thought I was doing a new Will as it's kind of what you do when you buy a new house and split up with my ex.

I hear you, I hate that people feel suicidal and that websites like this have to exist as there are so many people in so much mental pain. I wish I could magic everyone's pain away. I am just grateful that this place exists where we can be open and honest as I can't be anywhere else.

I have received help and tried different meds and therapies and I just can't do it anymore. I would be putting off the inevitable. I have put it off for far too long. Only I could make myself better and I am incapable. I'm sorry.
Worst thing having a deeply terrible day today
 
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K

Karenbaker

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Jun 17, 2018
63
Hi there, I am new so apologies if I get anything wrong. I am looking to set up my camp bed in my garage and then use the carbon monoxide method using charcoal bbqs. I am in the UK so the garage is fairly small. Should I try and tape up the doors to stop the gas escaping or will it be ok? I will put warning posters on the doors to warn whoever enters so not to endanger them. Do people think this method will work? I have plenty of sleeping meds so will hopefully be asleep but I am concerned the carbon monoxide won't work in the space of a garage?
Hi hon how are you saw your post and was wondering have you had a change of heart yet x
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
Hi there, sorry for the late reply, I didnt get a chance to log back on. I am sorry you were having such a bad day goggleboxers.

No change of heart but I notice as the date draws nearer my anxiety is escalating. I know its just fear and I should be able to manage it with diazepam.
 
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goggleboxers

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May 24, 2018
145
Hi there, sorry for the late reply, I didnt get a chance to log back on. I am sorry you were having such a bad day goggleboxers.

No change of heart but I notice as the date draws nearer my anxiety is escalating. I know its just fear and I should be able to manage it with diazepam.
I feel like joining you my condition the pain has got too much and I had my mum round earlier begging I wouldn’t do something stupid like kill myself she knows in a way that I’m in so much pain but she’s being selfish keeping me alive I really don’t know what to do
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
It must be so difficult for you. I see a lot of people here and on other sites with chronic or acute pain conditions and I can't imagine what you go through.
 
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goggleboxers

-
May 24, 2018
145
I get the scared about death part I gues who isn’t , I remember my aunt when she was taken to hospital and it wasn’t looking good for her although she lasted another two months but she really wasn’t holy but was holding on to rosary beads and mumbling prayers , indidn’t ask her if was she scared to die but it was obvious !! Still no change of heart ?
 
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Karenbaker

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Jun 17, 2018
63
It must be so difficult for you. I see a lot of people here and on other sites with chronic or acute pain conditions and I can't imagine what you go through.
I came close to a suicide but I hyperventilated too much and couldn’t go through with it and don’t know what I can do to stop hyperventilating !! When you had your last attempt did your hyperventilate or were you calm ?
 
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goggleboxers

-
May 24, 2018
145
Hey thought I’d check in see how your doing see if maybe you’ve had a change of heart it is possible
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
I just don't know if I can do it. I was so calm but as the day comes closer I get so fearful but I don't really know what I am afraid of. Failure maybe?
 
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musicislife

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Jun 15, 2018
159
I just don't know if I can do it. I was so calm but as the day comes closer I get so fearful but I don't really know what I am afraid of. Failure maybe?
Well that’s a good thing keep battling the demons is what I say !!
 
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goggleboxers

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May 24, 2018
145
I shall try :-)
I feel such a failure.
Why do you feel such a failure ?? I’m sure I’m not alone on this site although I understand it’s s place to maybe advocate suicide but your stronger not doing what you were going to do ... have you thought to the future what might make you happy ? Set yourself some goals some targets ??
 
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Ln42

Member
Jun 13, 2018
71
I was so sure and now I am just scared. This wasn't a whim, or a cry for help this was going to be it. I still have until next Tuesday to decide for sure. I don't feel strong at all, I feel a mess.
I can't see past the next day at the moment but maybe in time. The future is very scary to consider.