lifecouldbedream

lifecouldbedream

Student
Oct 8, 2021
122
I believe I made a few dozen low-effort attempts and 2 serious attempts over 8 months ago. Ever since then, I randomly will go into "daydream" mode, where I will force myself to vividly imagine my family finding my corpse, the emotions that they would feel. I imagine them screaming and crying uncontrollably. I once had a dream I committed suicide and I heard the screams for real, it was one of the most horrifying sounds I have ever heard. It makes me very sad when these happen. For the first month or so I would breakdown crying when these happened but now it is just a very deep sadness.

Recently, I have also started having these daydreams where I imagine finding the girl I love dead from suicide, or murdered, and how I would scream, cry etc. or finding family members dead from suicide. These daydreams usually only show their lifeless bodies, but in some of them I see horrible deaths. Shotgun wounds to my head, a slit throat.

Additionally, every time a character dies in a show I get reminded of these daydreams, and I then get a daydream of their family reacting to their death in the same way I imagine my family in my normal daydreams.

I do not like to admit it to myself but this is weighing down on my psyche. What exactly is this and why is this happening? Does anyone else experience something similar?
 
T

timf

Warlock
Mar 26, 2020
757
Creating mental imagery even for attempted constructive purposes can be unhealthy. There can be a temptation to stimulate oneself. It might be beneficial to divert some attention outwards such as with volunteer work so that self-focus does not grow to harmful proportions.
 
PaperGodzilla

PaperGodzilla

Member
Mar 20, 2022
19
I had similar daydreams when i felt more suicidal. Picturing my young brother and some friend crying abt my death always make me feel pain, but it kept me from seriously attempting to ctb
 
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whatevs

whatevs

There is something special about deciding when
Jan 15, 2022
2,061
I had similar daydreams when i felt more suicidal. Picturing my young brother and some friend crying abt my death always make me feel pain, but it kept me from seriously attempting to ctb
It seems your crafty psyches devised a way to torture you out of actually catching the bus. The mind is only loyal to survival.

Of course, it's absolutely true that suicide can devastate a family, but on the other hand it's kind of lame having to live miserably just to avoid that.
 
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