Un-

Un-

I pray everyday that I never wake up. I really do.
Apr 6, 2021
317
Post here if you're crying about something.. What are you crying about? What have you recently cried about? The little thing that broke you today..
Hopefully this comes across as a big internet-hug. I know I could use something like this - somewhere to say that I'm crying. I don't have people I'm comfortable of telling this to. And many don't know how to comfort me. So just the idea of being seen is enough for me. Hopefully it helps people too.
 
H

Hope:-)

Enlightened
Jul 3, 2022
1,012
I cried about my facial injuries earlier and I also cried about living where I'm living. A few other things too but I don't want to mention them. I never used to cry. This is a very recent thing that started happening when I have become increasingly aware that ctb is perhaps something I can't escape. It almost feels like it's happening to me as opposed to me choosing it.
 
Last edited:
StolenLife

StolenLife

Student
Sep 19, 2022
154
I cry about the past, how much I screwed up, how much my parents screwed up, how much my teachers screwed up, how much other adults screwed up at the time... And about how it had come to this. I cry because I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, because the only option left to get rid of the pain is death. I cry because my life is ruined when people who abused and abandoned me are doing much better than I am. I cry because I miss the times with my two childhood best friends before a certain sociopath entered our friend group and everything went to shit. I cry because of missed opportunities for making friends in high school, and because of my stupid and annoying behaviour at the time that I cannot take back. I just want to forget everything and drift into eternal blackness.
 
Huntfish34

Huntfish34

Enlightened
Mar 13, 2020
1,006
Uuuggh.. I just came down from a deep and dark 30g mushroom trip. It was absolutely amazing. I cried from the music pretty hard,.... really hit home with me.

My Dad is also in surgery as I type this. So I just hope and pray he comes out okay . I know I have family counting on me to help and be there for him but Im just So sick and Fckn tired. Fck. I don't know what Im going to do.


.. I hope you guys can find some peace today/ tonight If at all possible..
 
Littlewittlelight

Littlewittlelight

Experienced
Sep 3, 2022
284
I can't cry anymore. I feel restless because of people nowadays and for others reasons too so restless I used to cry and say why it is happening but now the tears don't come out easily at the moment. Every hour feels like a day and I mean it not like every second feels see I mean it. I just want this month to somehow end in a snap I don't know how I am staying up late night and then going to college sometimes and just home. I don't know I just want it to end.
 
O

outrider567

Paragon
Apr 5, 2022
949
Post here if you're crying about something.. What are you crying about? What have you recently cried about? The little thing that broke you today..
Hopefully this comes across as a big internet-hug. I know I could use something like this - somewhere to say that I'm crying. I don't have people I'm comfortable of telling this to. And many don't know how to comfort me. So just the idea of being seen is enough for me. Hopefully it helps people too.
Can't think of one day without tears in my eyes since January
 
Hollowillow

Hollowillow

I want throat hugs & anime! Can't use chat pm me
Aug 7, 2022
1,251
The poison in my home burns my entire body with internal spasms... Getting harder to even write...

I was called by a drama therapy but I can't go because they still impose masks & refuse my doctor exemption... It reopened the trauma of being beaten to blood by a security guard
 
KQuotientW

KQuotientW

404: Reason to live not found
Jul 17, 2022
324
That no one will even notice me missing for months after I CTB.

That I'm the one who cares about others but no one will ever truly care about me. That I will never know what it feels like for someone to look into my eyes and feel love for me.

That I have no family for support and they probably won't know that I've caught the bus for many years after, and only if they decide to Google my name.

That I've been watching my favourite movies and eating my favourite foods, knowing it's what I'm doing before I catch the bus.

That I've been single for 18 years and the only men who've asked me for a relationship are creepy or married. I've declined both. I've lived in country towns since I left Melbourne over 20 years ago. They marry their high school sweetheart. Anyone left who is single is divorced for a valid reason. Drugs, violence, deep criminal record, etc. I've already had violent relationships, I'm not going there again. My friends and acquaintances say I'm delightful and great company, but I'm still fkn single 🙄. I know you have to go out and do things to meet others, in order to find someone who is like-minded, but I don't have a working car thanks to the stalker and there's nothing to do in my tiny town unless I want to do meth.

That I have had a stalker, who is not an ex (everyone assumes), for 9 years and police do nothing about him because a) I have an ex who was a cop so police hate me and b) stalker's stepfather is a bail justice and is mates with the local police.

That I can't afford to move to a safer location, miles away from here because my home - a shack in the woods - is worth so little that there is nothing else of equivalent value on the property market. I'm not eligible for social housing because I own this dump. Housing crisis, even in the bush, so there's nothing affordable to rent. Stalker has broken my third vehicle which means I can't get a job, which would help me financially and help me move. The internet is bad here so I can't do a course to get a better qualification which might improve my financial situation and help me move and, besides without a car I can't get to exams. I've been stuck in this shithole for 10 years. I don't want to be stuck in this shithole for another 10 years.

Police took away my last home because I have an ex who was a cop. The old Blue Code. I was given 2 weeks to find somewhere else to live and wound up in this absolute hellhole. My last home had a lovely garden that I'd planted myself. It has freshly renovated when I moved in. It was just outside the city, but close enough if I needed to go to the city. I had chickens, fruit trees and vegetable garden. Police knocked on my door in 2012 and confiscated my privately owned home because I'd tried to report my ex. I still don't have a criminal record. I've been left to languish in deep poverty and forgotten by the world.

Fuck everything. There is no such thing as justice.
 
Jupit3rs

Jupit3rs

"I'm finally going home... to the stars"
Feb 23, 2022
27
I cry because i'm worthless and useless. "Selfish" for wanting to die, hurting my family... Because i'm stupid and i can't do things right. I cry bc my parents dont derseve such a broken child, yet, im here and i cant do much about it. If i end myself, i hurt them, but im already a disappointment from the start, so im always causing them pain... It sucks, and im exhausted...
 
SCW

SCW

Member
Aug 21, 2022
13
I cry because I don’t know what else to do. Even my best days are marred by intrusive thoughts. My mind folds in on itself all the time. I just don’t like the person that I am but I haven’t got the wherewithal to become anything else.
 
Nessie

Nessie

Cynical
Aug 23, 2020
1,732
I think this is a very helpful thread.
I'm crying because I got very bad news today. The news that they are going to take some kind, loving, amazing people that I consider my friends and force them against their will to come here and try to kill me and my family, and the old ladies down the street, and the little children, and cats and dogs. And they will be forced to fight to death with my other friends who also do not have a choice not to do this. This is the worst thing that could ever happen, I can't imagine anything worse, I'd rather have our entire population wiped out by COVID in 2020 if that would mean we didn't have to live through this. And I tried everything, I tried talking to people, and writing petitions, and gathering donations, and donating blood, and going to scary places to volunteer and help people, and it achieved nothing. A ton of people already volunteered to the army and died, and it still achieved nothing. Things keep on only getting worse and worse. I am helpless. I can't do anything to protect the people I care about, I can only sit here, watch and cry, cry, cry.
Thank you for hearing me out.
 
Un-

Un-

I pray everyday that I never wake up. I really do.
Apr 6, 2021
317
I guess it should be known that one of the reasons I made this thread so you guys would feel seen. I don't think I'll be able to respond to everyone, but, if you care, I have, thus far, and will continue to read everyone's post. I think it's the least I could do for this community. I've been a piece of reprehensible dung for far too long.

I cried about my facial injuries earlier and I also cried about living where I'm living. A few other things too but I don't want to mention them. I never used to cry. This is a very recent thing that started happening when I have become increasingly aware that ctb is perhaps something I can't escape. It almost feels like it's happening to me as opposed to me choosing it.
I've thought about it, and said it a lot, but there's nothing worse than someone who doesn't want to die, being forced to die. It sounds stalkerish but I pay attention to a lot of people in this forum, so I know a bit about you, @Hope. I'm so sorry you're here.

I don’t have the energy for crying, I haven’t cried in a long time. It sounds tiring. Everything in life makes me feel more tired. Not even sleep would bring me relief from the tiredness that I feel.
I'm with you there. The only exception is that I feel my heart weep, sometimes. Life is just a monotonous sludge of tiredness... each day passes by without meaning. Non-existence really is the best..

Homeless, can't find a home, lonely, shit family, having to give up cats. I'm in pain too but that doesn't make me cry.

Jesus fucking Christ.. I'm so sorry. Fuck.

Uuuggh.. I just came down from a deep and dark 30g mushroom trip. It was absolutely amazing. I cried from the music pretty hard,.... really hit home with me.

My Dad is also in surgery as I type this. So I just hope and pray he comes out okay . I know I have family counting on me to help and be there for him but Im just So sick and Fckn tired. Fck. I don't know what Im going to do.


.. I hope you guys can find some peace today/ tonight If at all possible..
I hope he comes out okay, too, if it's any consolation.

Can't think of one day without tears in my eyes since January
I.. I think it's better that there's a sempiternal river in your eyes, than for that river to forever dry out... I wouldn't wish upon anyone the feeling of being so sad, that you can't cry.

I cry because i'm worthless and useless. "Selfish" for wanting to die, hurting my family... Because i'm stupid and i can't do things right. I cry bc my parents dont derseve such a broken child, yet, im here and i cant do much about it. If i end myself, i hurt them, but im already a disappointment from the start, so im always causing them pain... It sucks, and im exhausted...
I know how you feel. Everyday I feel extremely guilty.. looking at my mother in the eyes is impossible. I've hurt her. I've hurt her in many ways a son should never hurt her. She had every right to say "I'm too scared to love you anymore". Sigh.. What's just one more act of pain, if it means that they'll never have to deal with us again? I'm sorry.. I should be offering.. positivity.. I can't see any, though.

Made a dumb decision recently that resulted in me missing out on something that would've been really fun. It's ridiculous to cry about but I'm so incredibly upset with myself. The fun thing was something I've been looking forward to for months.
I'm sorry to hear about that. Be glad, though, that you can still feel "fun". You'll have many opportunities to feel it again, and again, and again..

I think this is a very helpful thread.
I'm crying because I got very bad news today. The news that they are going to take some kind, loving, amazing people that I consider my friends and force them against their will to come here and try to kill me and my family, and the old ladies down the street, and the little children, and cats and dogs. And they will be forced to fight to death with my other friends who also do not have a choice not to do this. This is the worst thing that could ever happen, I can't imagine anything worse, I'd rather have our entire population wiped out by COVID in 2020 if that would mean we didn't have to live through this. And I tried everything, I tried talking to people, and writing petitions, and gathering donations, and donating blood, and going to scary places to volunteer and help people, and it achieved nothing. A ton of people already volunteered to the army and died, and it still achieved nothing. Things keep on only getting worse and worse. I am helpless. I can't do anything to protect the people I care about, I can only sit here, watch and cry, cry, cry.
Thank you for hearing me out.
Oh my god.. Just.. god.


I just want my boyfriend back. He's the most perfect person ever, I can't even love anyone else... I just want him back...
I see myself in you. And I'm absolutely petrified. I know that pain. I know that pain so well. And it does not get better. If anything, it just grows sharper..

I've been shocked, speechless. There's nothing much to be done other than for me to send love to all of you..
 
Huntfish34

Huntfish34

Enlightened
Mar 13, 2020
1,006
Thank you much,. I certainly appreciate it. He's doing alright but still in the hospital until tomorrow I believe.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Cathy Ames and Un-
VKVK

VKVK

.
Oct 18, 2021
112
I just want to forget everything and drift into eternal blackness.
That is my wish as well. If by some chance there is an afterlife where we're "conscious", I can't begin to fathom how quickly I'd want to truly "end everything" unless that afterlife is truly, by some miracle, something... "good".

On a side note, I have a hard time crying, even if I feel like it many times. I have longlasting panic attacks every single day, when my mind and body is reminded of how weak and without any self-preservation and hope I am. I live life alone, live only with my mom, and a college dropout and seems like I acquired some sort of PTSD from studying and all the chronic loneliness. It sounds stupid, but for someone who's already had a bad life mentally-speaking, there is no opportunity, no chance for me to do anything about my situation alone. And every time I give in to the hopelessness, to the... 'otherwordly' urges I feel myself getting closer and closer to the other side, and not in a good way.

I hope existence isn't that bad when I die, if there is one.
 
Last edited:
N

noname223

Visionary
Aug 18, 2020
2,806
Since I am taking a certain medication I cannot cry properly. In some sense this is sad. Though I have concluded the positives overweigh. I still can cry for 30 seconds but not more. I don't feel way more numb since I am taking them. The crying thing is the only thing that changed. I can remember crying was no relief. It was rather a sign for deep, existential pain and desperation.
Taking the medication took some edges of the pain. But the best thing my brain is more organized.
Not sure how much I miss crying. Sometimes it can be cleaning. On the other hand I think sometimes it intensified the pain.
 
Last edited:
brokensea

brokensea

Experienced
Aug 4, 2022
277
I cried a lot a few weeks ago now I just feel so numb I can’t cry anymore. Feel like a robot. Anything I do feel and any emotion I have is always unpleasant so maybe something in me decided to feel nothing at all.
 
L

lucy101

New Member
May 20, 2022
4
I've been crying myself to sleep these past few days. But just yesterday I got into an argument with my mom bc apparently I've forgotten where i came from bc i didn't have any money to give her. Mind you, I'm a struggling student. Where am I supposed to get money from if not my own parent? I've been hungry for the last week, rationing out one tiny meal for the entire day but I couldn't even ask her for her help, yet here she is, swearing at a teenager for money. I'm so sick of it all. It's always the same cycle with her, it makes me so mad/sad.