P

PainAndSadness

Member
Sep 21, 2022
56
I was born for literally nothing, just the other month I was hopeful there was a purpose or something to my life but it had to come crashing down in ways unimaginable and confirm to me I’m nothing but a miserable piece of nothing who was born to rot and simply die
 
  • Aww..
  • Hugs
Reactions: Huntfish34 and Un-
vegetables&sadness

vegetables&sadness

Member
Sep 22, 2022
10
I'd been planning to CTB for months, I'd booked time off work, made last visits to friends, had time-delayed messages and emails ready, and I had everything I needed for CO poisoning packed and ready to go. I couldn't do it, I couldn't leave the house. I hate SI.
 
  • Aww..
  • Hugs
Reactions: Huntfish34 and Un-
D

Dyinglight

Member
Sep 22, 2022
8
I'm crying about the useless life that I've lived, about all the things that I cannot forgive, myself is lonely and broken, I try to stay open with the ones that I love,maybe one day I would be useful when I look at them from above.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: Huntfish34 and Un-
freedompass

freedompass

Arcanist
Jan 27, 2021
495
No tears here, I haven’t been able to cry for 2 decades. Maybe I used up all my tears in the first 4.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
Fadeawaaaay

Fadeawaaaay

Enlightened
Nov 12, 2021
1,910
The last time I cried was about a year and a half ago when my girlfriend ditched me… Somethings snapped in my brain and I probably cried more in three days than I had in my entire life combined… And then I lost my mind for about six months… Stopped sleeping… Now I don’t feel anything at all… Maybe if I listen to a moving piece of music I would cry but I haven’t listened to music in about a year either… I can’t risk having any feelings at all… The second half of Beethoven’s emperor concerto with rain falling outside would probably open me up… I could think of all the beautiful moments I’ve had in life and all the beautiful things I’ll never experience… love, marriage, a child… That might make me weep…
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: Huntfish34 and Un-
P

Pepper

Member
May 22, 2019
52
It's now September, and here I am back on the forum, for yet again, trying to find a way to ctb. Back in June, due to psychological distress, I ended up getting sick - whether it's porphyria or fibromyalgia. I was engaged to a narcissist who kicked me out on the 13th because he couldn't handle me being sick. Now, I'm back in a toxic environment with a mother who could care less, and a father who is only half here due to his stroke. I'm so tired, and want everything to end. It hurts also having friends who only use you and take advantage of you, but when you need them, no one is there.
 
  • Aww..
  • Hugs
Reactions: outrider567 and Un-
CTB Dream

CTB Dream

Disabled. Hard talk, don't argue, make fun, etc
Sep 17, 2022
188
Not able cry now moment last time fiction cry
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
assisted

assisted

Member
Jul 7, 2022
32
I'm crying because I have no friends anymore. I don't know if I ever did.
Spent the majority of my evening and night crying yesterday. Woke up with my eyes mostly swollen. Remembered that I’m just really alone in this world, and no one really cares or wants me around.
For what it's worth, I want you around. I hope you and your eyes feel better.
I just want my boyfriend back. He's the most perfect person ever, I can't even love anyone else... I just want him back...
I understand how you feel. It's heartbreaking 💔
I cry a lot. Things are so horrific for me that I cry. I've been crying for 8/10 years straight. I just wish I was dead.
I relate. I feel like I've been crying my entire life... Our world should not be this traumatic 😞
 
Last edited:
  • Love
Reactions: Un- and Lullaby
miserableforever

miserableforever

Arcanist
Oct 23, 2020
468
I wish I could cry. There’s a lot of constant grieving going on in my head.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
S like suicide

S like suicide

Enlightened
Apr 29, 2021
1,155
I'm crying right now....fears are overwhelming me...they are creating a tension in me,in my mind
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
Un-

Un-

I pray everyday that I never wake up. I really do.
Apr 6, 2021
317
I wish I can try. But no one cares if I try or not. Probably he will feel more annoyed if I cry.
Maybe you can cry for yourself? I heard it's a release of pain. I'm not sure about your situation, but maybe your pain could be lifted a bit if you let some tears fall?

Since I am taking a certain medication I cannot cry properly. In some sense this is sad. Though I have concluded the positives overweigh. I still can cry for 30 seconds but not more. I don't feel way more numb since I am taking them. The crying thing is the only thing that changed. I can remember crying was no relief. It was rather a sign for deep, existential pain and desperation.
Taking the medication took some edges of the pain. But the best thing my brain is more organized.
Not sure how much I miss crying. Sometimes it can be cleaning. On the other hand I think sometimes it intensified the pain.
That's interesting.. I'm quite opposite to you: I wish I could cry. I think holding back pain like this for so long is deteriorating my being, somehow..

can't cry, no matter what I do.
i watch sad shows and listen to sad songs to help me cry but it doesn't work
I know how you feel. I'm sorry.
I cried a lot a few weeks ago now I just feel so numb I can’t cry anymore. Feel like a robot. Anything I do feel and any emotion I have is always unpleasant so maybe something in me decided to feel nothing at all.
At least in my experience, I think being numb is way worse than being sad all the time. But they're both horrible. Do you wish you could feel, again? I'm not sure if I do. Even though it's horrible, I'm used to this feeling.

I've been crying myself to sleep these past few days. But just yesterday I got into an argument with my mom bc apparently I've forgotten where i came from bc i didn't have any money to give her. Mind you, I'm a struggling student. Where am I supposed to get money from if not my own parent? I've been hungry for the last week, rationing out one tiny meal for the entire day but I couldn't even ask her for her help, yet here she is, swearing at a teenager for money. I'm so sick of it all. It's always the same cycle with her, it makes me so mad/sad.
I'll never understand why people are so mean. Especially to their own flesh and blood. I don't have the full context, I know, but it still boils my blood.. When people pick themselves over other people. I'm so sorry. Maybe you can try pick up a job?

I was born for literally nothing, just the other month I was hopeful there was a purpose or something to my life but it had to come crashing down in ways unimaginable and confirm to me I’m nothing but a miserable piece of nothing who was born to rot and simply die
I always consider Hope as an abusive ex. She seduces you, makes you think that you guys have an opportunity together again. Until you invite her into your house and she's always insulting you (but insisting that you always "have hope").. Causing a lot of problems, until you move out and you realise how fruitless she is. If it's any consolation, we've all been there. I have. You're not a piece of nothing; no less than what everyone else is.

The last time I cried was about a year and a half ago when my girlfriend ditched me… Somethings snapped in my brain and I probably cried more in three days than I had in my entire life combined… And then I lost my mind for about six months… Stopped sleeping… Now I don’t feel anything at all… Maybe if I listen to a moving piece of music I would cry but I haven’t listened to music in about a year either… I can’t risk having any feelings at all… The second half of Beethoven’s emperor concerto with rain falling outside would probably open me up… I could think of all the beautiful moments I’ve had in life and all the beautiful things I’ll never experience… love, marriage, a child… That might make me weep…
I don't have any words that could comfort you at all.. I'm so sorry. With everything that you've told me, you're in a lot of pain - pain that's undeserved. I'm joyous that you've held on thus far, because I know I would've been gone far sooner than you.. You're strong, even if you refuse to admit it.

Didn't cry today. I just feel numb.
The most scariest thing about you, @Hope, is how you're supposed to be the person that.. Well, has the most hope in you. But comparing your earliest posts, to your most recent ones.. It's as if you've died. And I'm so sorry it happened to you.

It's now September, and here I am back on the forum, for yet again, trying to find a way to ctb. Back in June, due to psychological distress, I ended up getting sick - whether it's porphyria or fibromyalgia. I was engaged to a narcissist who kicked me out on the 13th because he couldn't handle me being sick. Now, I'm back in a toxic environment with a mother who could care less, and a father who is only half here due to his stroke. I'm so tired, and want everything to end. It hurts also having friends who only use you and take advantage of you, but when you need them, no one is there.
Christ.. I'm so sorry to hear that.
I'm crying right now....fears are overwhelming me...they are creating a tension in me,in my mind
I felt severe confusion and fear last night, too. I wanted to cry, too. I know how you feel. It's awful. It's absolutely awful. I hope that feeling has gone away for you. It's damn near crippling..
 
leeloosnow

leeloosnow

Member
Aug 28, 2022
80
i mostly cry when im honest about me b/c f that
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
brokensea

brokensea

Experienced
Aug 4, 2022
276
Maybe you can cry for yourself? I heard it's a release of pain. I'm not sure about your situation, but maybe your pain could be lifted a bit if you let some tears fall?


That's interesting.. I'm quite opposite to you: I wish I could cry. I think holding back pain like this for so long is deteriorating my being, somehow..


I know how you feel. I'm sorry.

At least in my experience, I think being numb is way worse than being sad all the time. But they're both horrible. Do you wish you could feel, again? I'm not sure if I do. Even though it's horrible, I'm used to this feeling.


I'll never understand why people are so mean. Especially to their own flesh and blood. I don't have the full context, I know, but it still boils my blood.. When people pick themselves over other people. I'm so sorry. Maybe you can try pick up a job?


I always consider Hope as an abusive ex. She seduces you, makes you think that you guys have an opportunity together again. Until you invite her into your house and she's always insulting you (but insisting that you always "have hope").. Causing a lot of problems, until you move out and you realise how fruitless she is. If it's any consolation, we've all been there. I have. You're not a piece of nothing; no less than what everyone else is.


I don't have any words that could comfort you at all.. I'm so sorry. With everything that you've told me, you're in a lot of pain - pain that's undeserved. I'm joyous that you've held on thus far, because I know I would've been gone far sooner than you.. You're strong, even if you refuse to admit it.


The most scariest thing about you, @Hope, is how you're supposed to be the person that.. Well, has the most hope in you. But comparing your earliest posts, to your most recent ones.. It's as if you've died. And I'm so sorry it happened to you.


Christ.. I'm so sorry to hear that.

I felt severe confusion and fear last night, too. I wanted to cry, too. I know how you feel. It's awful. It's absolutely awful. I hope that feeling has gone away for you. It's damn near crippling..
I don’t think I’d want to feel again but I don’t know what’s worse nothingness or extreme pain.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
M

Midnight-rain

Student
Jan 1, 2020
156
This week I've cried twice, which is rather unusual for me. Typically nowadays I rarely cry, maybe thrice or four times a year. Used to cry more often than that but I've become better at not dwelling too hard on the things that make my heart ache. This year so far it has been four times.

First time was on Monday at 2 am. I had stupidly let myself ponder my former childhood best friend. The person that helped me through so much yet left me without explanation. I was journaling and what broke me was a line I wrote, 'If they can leave, anyone can.'

Second time was yesterday. A guy I was talking to romantically suddenly blocked me when he had been nothing but kind to me previously. Don't know if he'll contact me again but I can't let myself hope he will. It was going well too. An infinitesimal part of my brain was wondering if he was the catalyst I needed to finally start finding hope in being alive even though I still wanted to ctb. So yeah that idea has been promptly thrown out the window. I have no clue how I didn't relapse yesterday.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
H

Hope:-)

Enlightened
Jul 3, 2022
1,012
The most scariest thing about you, @Hope, is how you're supposed to be the person that.. Well, has the most hope in you. But comparing your earliest posts, to your most recent ones.. It's as if you've died. And I'm so sorry it happened to you
Yeah, I realised how technically and psychologically difficult ctb is and became very disenchanted.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
S like suicide

S like suicide

Enlightened
Apr 29, 2021
1,155
I felt severe confusion and fear last night, too. I wanted to cry, too. I know how you feel. It's awful. It's absolutely awful. I hope that feeling has gone away for you. It's damn near crippling.
Exactly!
I'm so sorry you know too how it feels🫂
I feel a bit better today,i hope you feel ok too🫂
 
  • Love
Reactions: SorakaMein and Un-
SorakaMein

SorakaMein

Heartbroken
Sep 29, 2022
10
Post here if you're crying about something.. What are you crying about? What have you recently cried about? The little thing that broke you today..
Hopefully this comes across as a big internet-hug. I know I could use something like this - somewhere to say that I'm crying. I don't have people I'm comfortable of telling this to. And many don't know how to comfort me. So just the idea of being seen is enough for me. Hopefully it helps people too.
I cry every day like 3x a day because of a bad breakup and its the reason why im considering ctb for 7 months

Its too much for me
Oh
I just want my boyfriend back. He's the most perfect person ever, I can't even love anyone else... I just want him back...
... Were in the same boat..... Seriously
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-
Un-

Un-

I pray everyday that I never wake up. I really do.
Apr 6, 2021
317
Tears again today ,just like each day, thinking of her, nothing changes

I cry every day like 3x a day because of a bad breakup and its the reason why im considering ctb for 7 months

Its too much for me
Oh
Heartbreak is a disease with a high fatality rate.. It's contagious as fuck, and often times there's no cure. I feel bad for you guys.. Because I've been there multiple times, and from the looks of it, I'm going back there again. It's so cold..

I'm so sorry to hear all of it..
With the line that broke you... Often times it's the small things in life that make us crack. I cried a couple of days ago because a childhood song came on. The emotions I've repressed about my tragic life, and the very visible downers trajectory just.. All at once..

I feel a bit better today,i hope you feel ok too🫂
I haven't felt better since.. Sigh.

I cry almost every time I read news.
The world is just.. Awful. It just keeps piling on and on and on, and for some reason we're just supposed to accept it. It's painful to be aware of anything going on.. How crooked is that? It's no wonder you cry. I would be too if I had tears left.
 
nopride86

nopride86

Member
Mar 16, 2022
84
I cry almost every day, at work. My office is my only real safe space. Thank you for this space to vent.

Today I’m realizing just how full of shit I am. I found SS almost exactly one year ago, read info from threads and such but didn’t make an account until much later. That being said, that means I’ve been desperate to CTB for a whole rotation of the earth and yet I’m no closer to doing it than I was before. Idk if it’s hope or cowardice. Just hoping that maybe I’d get shot by a stranger, or a meteor would fall on me, or die fatal car accident. Anything so I wouldn’t have to do it myself. At the same time, reading all the methods and steps and documents just makes it seem so much more impossible than before.

I am under constant watch, between work and home. I have one half-day to myself every few months. And every time I go “I’m not prepared, I’ll do it next time” but when that time rolls around…nothing. And I know rationally it’s because i can’t get a hold of things like benzos or propranolol. I don’t know a single soul and it’s not like i can just walk up to a homeless person to ask for H or F. And now all the shit that I wanted to avoid by CTBing is coming to fruition and I can’t stop it. Not even running away will stop it. So all I can do is cry between calls at work.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: SorakaMein and Un-
Un-

Un-

I pray everyday that I never wake up. I really do.
Apr 6, 2021
317
I cry almost every day, at work. My office is my only real safe space. Thank you for this space to vent.

Today I’m realizing just how full of shit I am. I found SS almost exactly one year ago, read info from threads and such but didn’t make an account until much later. That being said, that means I’ve been desperate to CTB for a whole rotation of the earth and yet I’m no closer to doing it than I was before. Idk if it’s hope or cowardice. Just hoping that maybe I’d get shot by a stranger, or a meteor would fall on me, or die fatal car accident. Anything so I wouldn’t have to do it myself. At the same time, reading all the methods and steps and documents just makes it seem so much more impossible than before.

I am under constant watch, between work and home. I have one half-day to myself every few months. And every time I go “I’m not prepared, I’ll do it next time” but when that time rolls around…nothing. And I know rationally it’s because i can’t get a hold of things like benzos or propranolol. I don’t know a single soul and it’s not like i can just walk up to a homeless person to ask for H or F. And now all the shit that I wanted to avoid by CTBing is coming to fruition and I can’t stop it. Not even running away will stop it. So all I can do is cry between calls at work.
It's like you're in a jail cell, but somehow you're also the prison warden.

I see myself in you.. Sooner or later I'm going to have to start advancing my plants to die. But it's gonna be an awful few months.. And I probably won't make progress. Maybe SN will be stuck somewhere, or whatever. And I'll be in your position. Unable to get resources, and unable to will myself to do anything about it. Unable to do anything..

I'm so sorry..
 
S

Sourdough

Member
Sep 3, 2022
41
Post here if you're crying about something.. What are you crying about? What have you recently cried about? The little thing that broke you today..
Hopefully this comes across as a big internet-hug. I know I could use something like this - somewhere to say that I'm crying. I don't have people I'm comfortable of telling this to. And many don't know how to comfort me. So just the idea of being seen is enough for me. Hopefully it helps people too.
I cry every day over the sad and hopeless illness I have. Me and my aunt shared a cry holding each other yesterday. It was nice but harrowing.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: SorakaMein and Un-
SorakaMein

SorakaMein

Heartbroken
Sep 29, 2022
10
Heartbreak is a disease with a high fatality rate.. It's contagious as fuck, and often times there's no cure. I feel bad for you guys.. Because I've been there multiple times, and from the looks of it, I'm going back there again. It's so cold..


I'm so sorry to hear all of it..
With the line that broke you... Often times it's the small things in life that make us crack. I cried a couple of days ago because a childhood song came on. The emotions I've repressed about my tragic life, and the very visible downers trajectory just.. All at once..


I haven't felt better since.. Sigh.


The world is just.. Awful. It just keeps piling on and on and on, and for some reason we're just supposed to accept it. It's painful to be aware of anything going on.. How crooked is that? It's no wonder you cry. I would be too if I had tears left.
Yes. Heartbreak doesn't have any cure. It has, if the heartache suddenly gone over time, got busy on other things, find another love... But i know to myself that its all impossible. Until now i still love her and i just want her to be my last
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Un-