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TengoK

Member
Aug 1, 2018
95
Having been in this forum for a couple of weeks, the main thing I'm noticing is the incredible amount of sheer bloody *work* there is just to go through the act of CTB. I used the 'venting' prefix here because I guess I am venting a bit, but trust me when I say I'm not getting at any of you. Really I'm not.

But I look through messages about various methods here - I either need to be a scientist with an intimate knowledge of medicines and toxicology (taking nurofen is about my limit), someone handy enough to build some kind of charcoal grill (I can barely knock together a shelf), someone who knows how to order stuff from the darkest and most secretive corners of the web (managing to send an email is usually the limit for me), someone who knows the right kind of gas to order complete with tube and god knows what else ... it's all too much to simply take in and comprehend.

It's not that I'm stupid, I'm really not, but by now I'm just in a state of mind where I want to end it - I haven't got the brainpower and concentration and simple world knowledge to sit here figuring all of this stuff out. I go to sleep every night, exhausted, and hoping that I'll miraculously somehow die in the night. I then sleep four hours because of that exhaustion and wake up devastated that I'm still alive and stuck in this small prison of my sort-of-home.

By now I pretty much just want to find a high building where I can easily get onto the roof (I'm disabled, unfortunately, so even getting to do that is pretty impossible) and then just throw myself off. Or take what will undoubtedly be a pretty gruesome and slow overdose of some relatively easy to get hold of medication. Neither are really how I'd want to end it, though. What I want is just to die quietly, having sorted things out beforehand, but our stupid world prevents that and makes CTB about as complex, expensive and maybe even illegal as it could possibly be.
 
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nasblue

Member
Jul 14, 2018
92
You're exaggerating how hard these things are.
You don't have to build a charcoal grill, you can use a regular one or some other metal container if you can't get a grill for whatever reason. Ordering from the darkweb is no more complicated than sending an email. You just have to invest a minimum of time to figure this stuff out.
You can do it, if you want to.
 
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tammyot

-
Aug 1, 2018
73
Regarding that method, I know you can get a disposable charcoal grill, but I ges thepart that makes it complex is the amount that you need to measure of carbon monoxide to know that you won't survive. It seems quite expensive to get that thing that measures the amount of gas that there is. Or correct me if I am wrong? But tired at the moment and not concentrating properly
 
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nasblue

Member
Jul 14, 2018
92
Regarding that method, I know you can get a disposable charcoal grill, but I ges thepart that makes it complex is the amount that you need to measure of carbon monoxide to know that you won't survive. It seems quite expensive to get that thing that measures the amount of gas that there is. Or correct me if I am wrong? But tired at the moment and not concentrating properly
You don't need that. It just adds a layer of security but thousands of people have done it successfully without it.
 
Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
Having been in this forum for a couple of weeks, the main thing I'm noticing is the incredible amount of sheer bloody *work* there is just to go through the act of CTB. I used the 'venting' prefix here because I guess I am venting a bit, but trust me when I say I'm not getting at any of you. Really I'm not.

But I look through messages about various methods here - I either need to be a scientist with an intimate knowledge of medicines and toxicology (taking nurofen is about my limit), someone handy enough to build some kind of charcoal grill (I can barely knock together a shelf), someone who knows how to order stuff from the darkest and most secretive corners of the web (managing to send an email is usually the limit for me), someone who knows the right kind of gas to order complete with tube and god knows what else ... it's all too much to simply take in and comprehend.

It's not that I'm stupid, I'm really not, but by now I'm just in a state of mind where I want to end it - I haven't got the brainpower and concentration and simple world knowledge to sit here figuring all of this stuff out. I go to sleep every night, exhausted, and hoping that I'll miraculously somehow die in the night. I then sleep four hours because of that exhaustion and wake up devastated that I'm still alive and stuck in this small prison of my sort-of-home.

By now I pretty much just want to find a high building where I can easily get onto the roof (I'm disabled, unfortunately, so even getting to do that is pretty impossible) and then just throw myself off. Or take what will undoubtedly be a pretty gruesome and slow overdose of some relatively easy to get hold of medication. Neither are really how I'd want to end it, though. What I want is just to die quietly, having sorted things out beforehand, but our stupid world prevents that and makes CTB about as complex, expensive and maybe even illegal as it could possibly be.


We're discussing these things in detail because it's a common interest.

You don't have to and absolutely not expected to understand the why and how does stuff work part. Just pick a method ask about it. If you have trouble ordering something let me know, I'll tell you exactly what to avoid doing if it's illegal, and tell you what to do if it's legal.
If you have trouble with meds and substances let me know I'll tell you which lethal ones you should avoid and which ones are useless.
If you want to build something well I can't help with that.

Just ask away really, it doesn't have to be complicated just because methods are discussed in detail.
 
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TengoK

Member
Aug 1, 2018
95
It seems quite expensive to get that thing that measures the amount of gas that there is. Or correct me if I am wrong? But tired at the moment and not concentrating properly

I've looked at it, yes. It's a bit pricey, but I've got enough money for it and nothing better to do with it. The problem there is that I live in a block of flats with a caretaker who always - but *always* - takes in package and parcel deliveries, even when I've asked him not to. And a canister, even a small canister, of a gas of some kind arriving in a block of flats is going to cause concern.

If I ever manage to get out of this place (which is one of the problems in my life) and have somewhere where I actually receive my own deliveries, then I'll definitely be trying it.
 
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TengoK

Member
Aug 1, 2018
95
We're discussing these things in detail because it's a common interest.

You don't have to and absolutely not expected to understand the why and how does stuff work part. Just pick a method ask about it. If you have trouble ordering something let me know, I'll tell you exactly what to avoid doing if it's illegal, and tell you what to do if it's legal.
If you have trouble with meds and substances let me know I'll tell you which lethal ones you should avoid and which ones are useless.
If you want to build something well I can't help with that.

Just ask away really, it doesn't have to be complicated just because methods are discussed in detail.

Thanks Luke, that's genuinely very helpful.
 
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Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
with a caretaker who always - but *always* - takes in package and parcel deliveries, even when I've asked him not to.

Shit now that's a problem you have to solve. No tutorials on that : (
You could hire someone to basically smuggle in your stuff.
 
Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
Also you have some money at least, my preferred methods would be guns or N, both are about the same price because both are illegal. I'm absolutely incapable of work at this point so that's out of my possibilities.
You can order your stuff but someone preventing you from getting it.

If we have to use a method we don't like... well so be it. I'm preparing myself for SN+hanging. Really fucking great.
 
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TengoK

Member
Aug 1, 2018
95
Also you have some money at least, my preferred methods would be guns or N, both are about the same price because both are illegal. I'm absolutely incapable of work at this point so that's out of my possibilities.
You can order your stuff but someone preventing you from getting it.

If we have to use a method we don't like... well so be it. I'm preparing myself for SN+hanging. Really fucking great.
Shit now that's a problem you have to solve. No tutorials on that : (
You could hire someone to basically smuggle in your stuff.

Yeah, think I'd have to look for someone to hire. I basically know no one at this point - no one I can trust to do this anyway.

N interests me, but I'm in the UK and from what I've read getting it into this country is pretty bloody difficult.
 
Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
The UK and Germany are a bitch when it comes to ordering .. from outside the EU. I don't think a package coming from say Sweden would get much attention. There are mail forwarding services around, I would look into that. That still doesn't solve the last 10 meters though.
 
Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
Yes I'm scared to f of hanging which makes no sense but I have to get used to the idea.
 
GodKnows

GodKnows

What lies ahead
Jun 28, 2018
119
Hanging is really scary but it's fast. The SN is a precaution in case the rope or the door breaks or I manage to screw it up somehow.
Isn't SN quite reliable method by itself?
 
Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
Isn't SN quite reliable method by itself?

It is but i doubt the peacefulness. We have no video.. so basically hanging is something I'm really scared of but if I pull it off then I'll be dead or unconscious when the SN kicks in. Hanging is quick, SN is slow like half an hour and unconsciousness takes about 8-10.
 
Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
Hanging can cause convulsions and shit, the door might break and surviving is not part of the plan.

So if it happens the SN will finish the job and I have a calculated timeframe of inconvenience before darkness sets in.