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kane

kane

Student
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
149
Like everyone, I've seen a fair number of dead animals. But I think today was my first time seeing something bigger than a bug get killed, up close (I don't drive, so that could be why.) As I was walking down the street a crow landed in the road next to me, in front of slow oncoming traffic. Perhaps it had wing problems, though it was moving normally. Maybe it was just too young to associate cars with death. But it wasn't scavenging for food. It just hopped back and forth, looking at the car slowly rolling toward it. It was kind of surreal - almost like it had a death wish. A part of me wanted to shout at it, or wave it out of the way, but I suppose I assumed it would take off at the last minute, as they often do. But no.

The first car slowly rolled over it. I don't think the wheels hit it. When it emerged from underneath, it's wing was sticking out at a funny angle, possibly broken. It might've been a bit dazed, but it was still very much conscious and on it's feet. It didn't seem particularly fazed by what had happened. At this point a part of me wanted to intervene - to step into the street, stop traffic, carry it out of harms way. But am I going to risk causing an accident by halting traffic? And do I really want to deal with the anger and exasperation of the drivers if I do stop them? And am I really going to pick it up and carry it to the kerb, and then somehow find the number of the nearest animal rescue, and pay for a cab to take us there with money I don't have? Hell no. And then it was to late.

I think the second car caught it from behind. This time maybe a wheel got it. It emerged as a twitching mass of feathers, it's wings drawn over it's head. Still alive, but probably beyond saving. Part of me still felt I should do something, but as the third car was about to put a wheel right over it I turned away. I didn't want to see it get gruesome. I walked down the street, feeling a mixture of shame and anger. Shame that it had affected me so much, but also that I had done nothing. And anger at a world where this is routine, and no one else blinks an eye. When I walked back an hour later, it had become the standard bloody pâté you see every day, ready to be scraped up and put in the trash. One minute you have the wind in your wings and the sun on your back, flying high as you hunt other small creatures. And the next you're a brief stain on the ground, and the world rolls on without noticing you were there. And I'm as complicit in that reality as anyone - I eat meat. I rely on transportation that uses roads. I squish bugs that land on me all the time without even thinking about it.

I think part of it is just being massively oversensitive. I grew up very sheltered, and I suppose I never had that bullied or beaten out of me. I've spent a large part of my life hiding from the realities of the world. I don't know how to be ok with the knowledge that anything can die at any time, possibly painfully, and the world just rumbles on. It doesn't seem right, somehow. I'm not sure that's a world I want to live in. I'm not even sure that's a world that should continue to exist.

I don't want to be immune to the suffering of other beings, or the reality of death. But I also don't want it effect me this much. I would like to be able to take it in my stride. Possibly sometimes do a little to ease suffering where I can, but otherwise to go about my day unchanged. I don't want to waste negative emotion if it's not going to change anything. I don't have enough energy to spare to feel bad for the world, or angry at it. Because someday soon it will be those I actually care about in that helpless state of dying, and one day it will be me.
 
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DisillusionedDragon

DisillusionedDragon

Pessimist/Antinatalist
Joined
Nov 25, 2020
Messages
57
In my eyes this is not being oversensitive, it is being aware. Almost everyone ignores or is blind to all the suffering in this world. This world is, as you put it, not right, no, it is absolutely horrific. A product of the careless chaos of the universe that randomly produces things like sentient life, that is doomed to strive and suffer and fail and eventually disappear as quickly as it was created. I do not want to life in this world either and if I had a big red button I would press it without any hesitation.
 
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,454
You’re not overly sensitive. You just see life for what it is. Suicidal ideation can do that to you. You stare death in the face all day. Normies can’t and actively go out of their way not to. I’m going to repost something someone put in one of my other threads.


Post in thread 'Quotes About Depression, Suicide, Life Being Shit'
https://sanctioned-suicide.org/thre...on-suicide-life-being-shit.64831/post-1206401
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Living dead girl
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
3,035
Being overly sensitive is seeing the world for what it is. This life is incredibly cruel. We are born, we suffer and we die. That is all life is. There is an unlimited amount of suffering that can be placed on us. It is why I want to escape this world. Having an emotional reaction to it just shows you are human and we cannot control our thoughts.
 
kane

kane

Student
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
149
I hear what you all say. I suppose my thinking is that unless/until I find the conviction to leave this world, then I'm stuck here. And in that case I don't want to suffer pointlessly. I don't want to feel angry at or afraid of reality, however terrible it may be. I'd like to be able to consider it calmly, and respond in a useful way. I don't think I could or would want to remove my awareness of death and suffering. But I would like to be strong enough to take it in stride, if that were possible.
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
7,347
Not oversensitive at all.
6 years ago, one of my dogs passed away and I was with him during his last moments.
I just...felt so close to death. It really broke my heart and I just can't forget that picture.
Last January, I lost my grandpa and was broken-hearted again.

I don't want to experience any more deaths (except mine). :(
 
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Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
302
Most people are evil to put it simply, and every villain is the hero in their own story. Life doesnt reward doing whats moral.
 
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