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Niko

Niko

Student
Oct 4, 2018
112
I don't get it? When I was a kid people used to like me, and even now for the most part I get along with everybody. But there's always this thing between me & everyone else? I can't for the life of me figure it out or what to do about it?

People who are ostensibly my friends even say 'there's something wrong with you' and I fucking hate it. They think they're being funny and just bustin my balls or something, but I get overly sensitive to jokes like that. I feel like a freak, and way beyond alone.

I'm asking this here because I do feel I'm not alone here, am i? I think a big reason I've come to this forum is because it's one of the very very few places where I've found people like me. I keep posting questions and comments and then waiting like a dog for a 'like' or a reply, because it's the only thing that feels like a connection that i have in this world. I so appreciate all the feedback I've gotten here but idk why I can't find something like this in the real world? what the fuck is so wrong with me!?
 
S

Schopenhauer

Enlightened
Oct 3, 2018
1,136
People think I’m weird, and I do know why. It’s because I’m weird :)

I usually don’t care too much about this, but I confess that is saddens me sometimes when I see people connecting so easily, laughing together, while I’m forever apart...
 
The Blackangel

The Blackangel

Nyiach des uti nesi deh ahy.
Nov 3, 2018
209
No one has ever been willing to get to know me enough to form a valid opinion. they take one look at me, and take an instant hate of me. That's what I have never understood. So fuck em and kill em all.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,380
No they think I'm weird and I know exactly why. So would I if I was them. Doesn't mean they're right
 
N

Nofaith

...
Sep 16, 2018
343
You are not alone.

People who are ostensibly my friends even say 'there's something wrong with you'
You just unravelled that mystery yourself. They're not real friends.

From a young age I always felt weird or that I didn't fit in. I could never understand why. In my teens, I slowly started to figure it out. Over the years I tried to mould myself to be like everyone else. It doesn't work. Now I've reached the stage where I just think "fuck em".

It doesn't make my any happier but I'm not causing myself extra stress by ruminating about it.

If we were all polyglots and able to travel back and forth, the odds of finding people you fit in with, would be greater.

Sadly that's not how it is, which is a shame.

For a lot of people this not fitting in, makes all the difference between living and dying.
 
Deleted member 2141

Deleted member 2141

The angel of choice is enduring.
Aug 30, 2018
5,309
In real life, yes, I've always been socially isolated, never could form a good bond with people around me. Sure, there are people who interact with me, but most of the time it's because I've initiated contact, rarely do people ever initiate contact with me except if they want/need something from me. I've been taken for granted more times than I wish to count, and I'm sick of it. I'm also sick of people 'acting' as though they are my friend when they wouldn't even invite me to stuff, talk to me, treat me as if I don't exist in public, and of course, only decide to get involved if they need something or want to dictate what I do/don't do.

Fucking hell, I've also had bullies and assholes during grade school growing up so I don't really have many 'friends' in my life, but instead enemies and mean people who just want to give me shit. Currently a loner with no friends, but I guess that's just my reality and my fate, so I've come to terms with it (also a major reason for me wanting to ctb). Aspergers and SA aren't helpful at all, and I wished I was never born with those conditions, fucking genetic lottery decide to play a cruel joke on me.
 
Xerxes

Xerxes

Invisible
Nov 8, 2018
936
I have no connection or human connection with the world outside. Social situations feel forced and fake. I'm weird in a bad way I suppose, where the same person who is a bit more connected can be weird and be accepted.
 
Niko

Niko

Student
Oct 4, 2018
112
I'm weird in a bad way I suppose, where the same person who is a bit more connected can be weird and be accepted.

You make a really interesting point here, with 'weird in a bad way'. I've seen 'weird in a good way', actually I've been that guy in good times. It's okay to be 'weird' and good to be unique, we should celebrate individuality rather than conformity. In fact I do think there's this meme in our culture of the 'unique eccentric' outsider who plays a good & special role in society (like the singular artist, or creative entrepreneur..), and I've always appreciated this motif. The problem is there's also this tendency to demonize and ridicule anything too outside the norm if it makes 'everybody' at all uncomfortable or bursts the bubble they've created.

and so then it's like what the fuck do you people want?!? I'm told to be a unique individual, to celebrate my singularities but at the same time to squash myself into what you've determined as acceptable. Do you want me to be myself or not??

I apologize if this isn't well articulated right now, I'm just thinking out loud.