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raskolnikov

Member
Aug 10, 2018
72
What feelings do they bring to you? I look at the teenager me and just looking at my body, my face, my gestures I recognize how much I was sad and suffering but at that time I couldn't help to realize what was going wrong (terribly wrong) in my life, even if it was clear as day...

And now I just can cope with that obnoxious past and want to end it all also to end tormenting myself about it.

I mainly speak to adult people because I can relate more (I'm almost 40 so I'm looking at 20+ years old pictures) but the question is general.
 
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Comatose11

Mage
Jul 26, 2018
576
I do. I looked decent as a child and was happy. I’ve been depressed since middle school (and am now old enough to drink in the US, so no, it was not teenage angst or hormones). I also realized that puberty made me really ugly. There’s nostalgia about being a kid (not a teenager, an actual child) and being happy.
 
Deivis

Deivis

Seul contre tous
Jul 23, 2018
235
Shattered dreams?

Have you had any anticipation - back then - of how would it possibly end up now, 20+ years after?

It seems that a lot of people can perfectly predict their cookie-cutter existence for decades to come.
That was actually the main thought of my farewell note that I've written prior to the first (failed) exit.
 
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raskolnikov

Member
Aug 10, 2018
72
Shattered dreams?

Have you had any anticipation - back then - of how would it possibly end up now, 20+ years after?

It seems that a lot of people can perfectly predict their cookie-cutter existence for decades to come.
That was actually the main thought of my farewell note that I've written prior to the first (failed) exit.

Well I was totally clueless about everything back then. I was so subject to my mother that I only did what she was saying me to do. I wasn't ever be able to get correct perception of my body, my needs, my future, my life in general until I was adult but then it was too late. She was so scared of the evil that the world could have done to me that apparently she's been happier that I grew up as a complete dork. f**k!
 
Blowba

Blowba

A Girl on the Shore
Aug 12, 2018
76
The only pictures I have of myself is when I was 5 and under as a teenager I refused to be in or take pictures because smiling even a fake one was hard for me to do. When looking at my pictures I get sad and usually think "Fuck you don't know what's gonna hit you".
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Sometimes. In my old pictures I always used to be alone, with a slightly uncomfortable smile. So nothing has changed that much, I'm still that way. At least I'm coherent
Same here.

I tried to pretend I was happy but now I know myself better. I don't like having photos or memories of myself because I was never truly happy.
 
BaconCheeseburger

BaconCheeseburger

Comfort-eating
Aug 4, 2018
693
I deleted most of my pictures from high school.. so my timeline seemingly goes from child straight to uni. Sometimes I do wish I could see what I had, but it's just part of my mentality to drop everything and get away from it all every now and again.
 
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typx

Specialist
May 4, 2018
381
Yeah I look at them. I can see the misery in me now. It’s funny. There are photos where I look happy and have people around me. But I can remember how I felt then. How hard I was trying to fake it.
 
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lv-gras

fledermausßßßßßßßß
Jul 27, 2018
621
Makes me miserable because back then I was still trying to live with my birth gender. It also reminds me of how ugly I used to be and still am and in addition to all of that I look like I'm about to cry in every picture. You can really tell how unhappy I was even as a kid and teen.

Same here, especially when was going through conversion therapy. Everyone just notices the smile but can see how messed up was under that.

Offers sympathy and hugs if wanted.
 
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Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
No, I burned them all long time ago.
I was so much thinner as a teen, god damn, just looking at that made me angry >.>
 
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Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
I was very happy then, if I look at them long enough it could push me over the edge to ctb.
 
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Brokenmom

Member
Jul 31, 2018
11
Yes and its painful,I was once a happy person,had a good life ,and now all have is shit .I was almost homeless 2 months ago,and lost everything, including my job, life is just shit right now and its hard to keep going.
 
sadak_the_wanderer

sadak_the_wanderer

An appropriate painting
Mar 19, 2018
243
Very few photos exist of me. I despise having my picture taken. If I run across an old photo, I usually put it in an envelope and mark it so I don't have to look at it.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
Yes & no. There's a couple pictures of me & my brother propped up in our living room which I sometimes glance at, but, other than that, there's really not much else. Pictures, mementos, nostalgia, and various other forms of sentimental crap, has always meant very little to me. As far as pictures are concerned, I just see a younger version of the same miserable meatsack I am now. No strong feelings either way. Just nothing. That's about it. Like looking at a photo of a wrench earlier on in the conveyor belt of this twisted, misshapen factory of pain we call life. Another unit on the assembly line trudging through the mire of existence.
 
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shadow11

Wizard
Jul 31, 2018
620
The only pictures I have of myself is when I was 5 and under as a teenager I refused to be in or take pictures because smiling even a fake one was hard for me to do. When looking at my pictures I get sad and usually think "Fuck you don't know what's gonna hit you".
Exactly the same