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Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
1,733
I feel really bad because I know that my mother could not stand it.
Of course but I didn't get the luxury to choose to be born. The least my mother can try to understand is my ability to choose whenever I feel like dying. It may backfire and cause my small family to be distraught for the rest of their lives but that's on them not me and if they can't deal with it just like how they would tell me to deal with living then they'll never understand. I love my family but the anguish I feel most days destroys whatever love for them I have left.
 
sadsoul

sadsoul

Alive and unwell
Sep 9, 2018
440
I do sometimes feel bad and I'm scared that my suicide might completely destroy my parents'/my brother's life. But I try not to think about the consequences of my suicide because it only makes you more depressed. The only time I feel good about leaving my family behind is when I'm really, really angry at them.
Before I attempted suicide, I told myself stuff like "my parents will move on", "suicide happens all the time, it's really not a big deal", "when I'm dead I won't be able to feel bad for my parents anymore". I kind of convinced myself that it wouldn't be a tragic thing if I killed myself. I focused on the good consequences, i.e. finally finding peace. Sounds very selfish, and maybe it is, but when you're suffering you want to end your pain even if it means being 'selfish'.
 
Dani Paradox

Dani Paradox

Permanently Banned
Aug 17, 2018
981
Absolutely not. Not after what happened to me, and no one giving a shit. They all literally sat back and watched me walk into the flames, while patting me on the back. And then the way that they act now after all is said and done?? As far as I'm concerned, my father deserves to find my body. Karma.
 
TheCrow

TheCrow

Invisible Spirit
Sep 26, 2018
802
Yes, but I feel more guilty by staying around. My parents have to support me financially, and I know that’s not right. And now that I’m disabled, they have to lift a wheelchair in and out of their cars—and they are in their 60s. That’s fucked up. I think my mom will be relieved when I’m gone.
 
Dani Paradox

Dani Paradox

Permanently Banned
Aug 17, 2018
981
Yes, but I feel more guilty by staying around. My parents have to support me financially, and I know that’s not right. And now that I’m disabled, they have to lift a wheelchair in and out of their cars—and they are in their 60s. That’s fucked up. I think my mom will be relieved when I’m gone.
I feel you... And I second that.. My father will also be relieved. I'm just too fucked up. I'm such a burden that he keeps threatening to throw me out. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard him say, "You've gotta go," then I'd have the money I need to ctb.
 
TheCrow

TheCrow

Invisible Spirit
Sep 26, 2018
802
I feel you... And I second that.. My father will also be relieved. I'm just too fucked up. I'm such a burden that he keeps threatening to throw me out. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard him say, "You've gotta go," then I'd have the money I need to ctb.
Ugh, I’m sorry. I hope that that isn’t true. That being said, when people say shit like that to me, it makes me want to ctb and leave a note like, “You told me to leave.”
 
Dani Paradox

Dani Paradox

Permanently Banned
Aug 17, 2018
981
Ugh, I’m sorry. I hope that that isn’t true. That being said, when people say shit like that to me, it makes me want to ctb and leave a note like, “You told me to leave.”
That's basically how I feel. I mean, I want to ctb anyway... But with the way he acts and the things he says.... I feel like leaving a note that says "There! I quit drinking."
 
S

Schopenhauer

Enlightened
Oct 3, 2018
1,136
I don't really care. Call me selfish, but my happiness comes first (as long as I'm not initiating violence against anybody). They chose to have a child, and I wasn't consulted. I don't like the place, and I want to leave. That's my inalienable right.