eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
878
Self hatred can come in many forms. The most common being self sabotage because you don't feel worthy. I don't think I could live with the shame and guilt of my past even if all my other problems were some how magically fixed.

Somewhere along the line you cross a point of no return. Once you cross this point there is no hope for a normal happy life. You cannot undo what happened to you. You can't unknow what you know.
 
motyxia

motyxia

less than him
Oct 14, 2021
168
Yes. I wish I could create a clone of myself just so I can beat the shit out of him. Normal hurting yourself isn't enough, I want to hurt myself from the perspective of someone else to really get my anger out. I imagine that'd be the most therapeutic thing.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Sep 24, 2020
5,987
No, not really. I do hate this life and being myself. However my hate is not directed towards me, but existence in general. All my problems are caused by the fact that I was born in the first place. I hate how I was forced to live. I hate the society that takes away the peaceful methods and denies us a right to die. I know I deserve better than this life. I deserve true peace which can only be found in death.
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
878
No, not really. I do hate this life and being myself. However my hate is not directed towards me, but existence in general. All my problems are caused by the fact that I was born in the first place. I hate how I was forced to live. I hate the society that takes away the peaceful methods and denies us a right to die. I know I deserve better than this life. I deserve true peace which can only be found in death.

I don't think there is anything wrong with recognizing that you were dealt a shitty hand. What is so wrong with folding? None of us chose to be born. Life was imposed on us. I don't need empty platitudes or condescending judgements. I just want death. Nothing can change my mind.

My inability all these years to ctb has only added to my suffering. It kills me knowing I am partly responsible for being in this mess. The other part being my parents for cursing me with existence in the first place.
 
Futile

Futile

Tired of being lonely
Sep 3, 2020
491
Not really, my problems stem more from the outside. Surely I'm not perfect by any chance, but I do not think I hold any big responsibility for how my life has gone
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
878
Sure do. Hate what I've become, especially. But I do acknowledge it's not really my fault. Or at least not entirely.

Every passing day I can't ctb is another day filled with misery and torment. It is a painful realization that you are doing this to yourself. The original reasons why you want to ctb doesn't even matter after a certain point. The fact that you can't do it means adding more misery ontop of it.

Maybe that's the price to pay for an early exit. All the future pain and fear you get to avoid has to be paid upfront when you ctb.
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
878
If the laws of time allowed it, I would go back and strangle myself with my umbilical cord to undo all the burdens I would bring.

If you went back in time to kill yourself in the womb, you would have never made it into adulthood to travel back in time. Hence you will still be born without interference. The universe is too crafty to trick with our feeble minds.
 
TriggerHappy

TriggerHappy

Inthe kingdom ofthe blind; the one-eyed are kings
Jan 24, 2021
1,199
Self hate like self harm is Intense :: it's confusing... I kinda like myself (personality etc) to a degree but dislike my character borne from addictive manipulation.
♡ I used to have 2do this recovery affirmation thing :: look in the mirror and say :: "if I loved myself enough I'd.... " man, was that difficult! ♧
My consequences are shared, I'm tired of dissapointing, hurting and burdening those that love me. I don't see a happy magical recovery, I'm too far gone. All my life i was told i was less-than /defective... I gues i believed em... I often wish I could erase my existence, it would improve everything for everyone.
 
zeroornothing

zeroornothing

Enlightened
Jun 22, 2021
1,038
Yes i hate myself with passion. I used to get baffled why ex partners and friends will turn against me in the past. It is not until recently that I was able to see how toxic and negative I am. The worst part is I could never change no matter how much i try just like I cant change my autism or my severe skin disease. I even tried becoming religious and be strict about it and pray for be a better person but I became worse as a religious person. My hate now is directed towards God as he allowed me to exist in first place.
 
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WhisperingCave

WhisperingCave

it'll be ok (maybe)
Oct 30, 2021
10
I lot of the time I feel like I hate myself for having depression. But, when everything is said and done, I know most of my problems situational and I don't think I hate myself.
 
Thaneem

Thaneem

Member
Oct 28, 2021
44
Honestly, I don't think I do. I hate the choices I've made that have brought me to where I am and I hate my physical weaknesses, but I rather like my essential nature.
For me, its more just knowing that the best days are behind me and any future I might have will only turn the already shitty present worse.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

so gay.
Apr 13, 2021
4,966
No. In fact, I'm making love to myself at this very moment.

asshat jerk off GIF
 
MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
1,190
Yes, I have a lot of self hatred. Somedays, I love some of things that I do, however, I don’t think I can ever love myself at all. I see myself as a mistake who never should’ve been born, and a weak person who can’t live in this world.
 

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