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deflationary

deflationary

Fussy exister. Living in the epilogue
Mar 11, 2020
523
I usually either stay away from people completely or simply keep quiet if that's not possible. If I do absolutely have to speak up, I try to be "fun" to the extent that I can, but I find pretending like that super tiring. Can't keep it up for long.
 
_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
784
Yes, it used to be easier back then but now i feel like i cant keep it up anymore, too depressed, too exhausted, after all whats the point of it anyway,.. i just want to be genuinely happy, i miss the times where i could just be the person i wanted to be..
 
Maaizr

Maaizr

DEVIL
Aug 2, 2021
72
hell nope, from a young age i assumed haapiness wasn't real anyway - counselors and "professionals" in school called it chronic low mood hahaa even the military gave me a similar diagnosis years later but they still let me enlist🤔
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity.
Sep 24, 2020
7,442
I do not show much emotion around other people, I am not around others much, most of my time is spent alone. In my case, nobody knows I am suicidal and they never will. If they knew they would not accept and understand my decision and they would expect me to suffer for decades. I just do not say much whenever I am around others and I believe that is for the best.
 
paulstrong

paulstrong

Paragon
May 5, 2020
993
the mask GIF
robin williams mask GIF
 
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tieiwi

Member
Dec 11, 2021
84
I have an rbf and my personality is naturally kinda quiet. A lot of people I’ve met describe me as someone they really never get to know. So I don’t think my sadness is noticeable so I don’t need to pretend to be happy. I think if I started to act happy thatd actually be more alarming…
 
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StarryStarry

Specialist
Oct 25, 2021
331
No, what you see is what you get. I am one of those people you can take one look at my face and see how I am feeling. Not a good thing, but it is what it is.
 
freemindnsoul

freemindnsoul

Mage
Sep 29, 2021
539
yeah I have to smile to avoid being negative and ungrateful!!! I don't show happiness because I met envious people in the past
 
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Unicornsrnot4dislife

Not meant for this world…….
Nov 12, 2021
45
This is my life through and through when at work. My mask is so thick that is hurts. When I am at home the mask can fall and I feel so tired. When my manager found out about my mental health, they could not believe it and said I always seemed so happy, and confident. I can't help it, its like a defensive mechanism.
 
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savagepeonies

savagepeonies

Member
Dec 9, 2021
7
Not at all. I'm pretty open about my depression and SI. It has definitely cost me a lot of friends/social interactions, but I isolate a lot anyways and don't experience a lot of loneliness. I'd rather be honest and interact with people who can deal with me truthfully.
 
Sides

Sides

Member
Dec 28, 2021
31
It's the Pagliacci thing, I put on the happy clown face in public, smile and reassure everyone that all is well and it's alright. Except, of course, that inside it isn't right at all.

Not to intrude on anyone's religious beliefs, but if you've read the Book of Ecclesiastes, the King in Jerusalem has the same thing. He realizes, after chasing wisdom and mirth and folly and hard work, that all is vanity. But still he teaches the people wisdom, and writes proverbs for them, because it's the right thing to do. Even though he knows inside, that it doesn't mattter. All is vanity, weariness, and vexation of the spirit.

8 Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.

9 And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; yea, he gave good heed, and sought out, and set in order many proverbs.

10 The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth.

11 The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd.

12 And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.
 
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Funkytown

Funkytown

I don't know why I run away
May 6, 2021
23
Sometimes I pretend but I usually can't hide it for long, and because I don't wanna be an inconvenience, I keep almost everything to myself. I have a hard time talking to others because of it.​

Not at all. I'm pretty open about my depression and SI. It has definitely cost me a lot of friends/social interactions, but I isolate a lot anyways and don't experience a lot of loneliness. I'd rather be honest and interact with people who can deal with me truthfully.

I wish I could be like you but I care too much about others think, I want validation even tho it's useless, I want to be like others even if I always fail at it. I can find comfort in loneliness but also a lot of pain, it's where my demons get the worse of me. I respect your approach.​
 
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treetop.grazer

Member
Jan 11, 2022
6
It's like a 2ns full time job playing this role of happy dad, it's damned exhausting, sometimes i just hike to the top of a hill and shout my head off.
 
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Wrennie

Wrennie

Latent Corpse 💀
Dec 18, 2019
1,325
I used to be pretty good at pretending to be happy, but it took an immense level of effort for me to maintain that facade (what with my severe depression & CPTSD). Now that I’m physically sick and was abused by even more people after my accident I just don’t have it in me anymore to pretend. So I simply say the bare minimum when I’m forced into social situations. My face is also partially paralyzed from my disease now so it’s not like I can really “smile” anymore anyway. :notsure:
 
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Sides

Sides

Member
Dec 28, 2021
31
A friend just asked me what they could send to me to cheer me up.

I replied "A Springfield Armory .45 caliber ACP pistol with one Hydrashok bullet."

She said, "That's not funny."

It wasn't supposed to be.

Most people will never ever get it. I am looking for the best, quickest, least painful, most effective way out of life, before my congestive heart failure and other medical issues rob me of the physical ability to make my own choice.

I don't want to die a slow, agonizing, painful death like both of my parents. Every moment of my life is pain now, and I need the pain to stop.

Whenever possible, please show me the best way out, whether that is sodium nitrite or whatever. I don't want to screw this up and be even worse off than I am now.

I need the best way out before I lose the strength to make my own choice. Please show me how to find it.
 
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stevieu

stevieu

~ Sleepwalking through every day ~
Feb 10, 2020
111
Always. And I've been known to be the 'joker' and the one to lighten up situations much of the time. It's exhausting though 😔
 
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Caspers

Caspers

Lost
Jun 23, 2020
401
I’m so used to pretending that it’s almost impossible to show how I feel. I know all the tricks to lying so it looks like I’m telling the truth about my mental health. It’s a mask I’m far too afraid to take off