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Puffinz

Puffinz

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
94
For me I think it's still possible but very unlikely. I first have to work on myself and try to fix most of my mental problems. Even then though I think it's very unlikely. I think it would have to be a person that's very similar to me and can understand the way I think and my sense of humor. They would probably have to be very introverted like me too. So even if I met someone like that we would never get to know each other because both of us hate talking to people most of the time. It would basically require some divine intervention I think.
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
14,794
No. As much as I want to I don’t think it’ll happen because I don’t deserve it. No sane girl would ever want to be with me anyway once they realize everything about myself and how terrible I am. I’m still actively trying despite that but I haven’t even found anyone else I’m interested in recently. I was so so so close 4 months ago but things just didn’t work out and I truly believe I’ll never be able to get that close ever again so I’m offing myself as soon as possible.
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Joined
Apr 27, 2019
Messages
1,327
Well I’m not interested in the form of love you are referring to, but I certainly wish I had love from other platonic sources.
Real love, real consideration and interest in me as a human being.
Even so, a lack of love-in any form-is not my most pressing issue and for several reasons, no form of love I value is possible for me without a few miracles occurring.
 
stygal

stygal

Wish I was Enlightened
Joined
Oct 29, 2020
Messages
1,250
I don’t know - to be honest...
it might be too late for that now anyways.
Too much damage has been done by my surroundings to shape me into the person I am today. On top of that there is my physical disability which makes it even harder to get along with healthy people long-term (romantically).
I‘m (almost) at the acceptance stage at that point though.
@LastFlowers phrased it perfectly...having platonic and long-lasting love and just interest in my person is what I strive for now. I never felt that without some kind of condition, I think.
 
JustHeckinKillMe

JustHeckinKillMe

Cool I'm dead
Joined
Sep 26, 2019
Messages
103
The question is am I able to love and feel love and be in a relationship when I'm so numb and suicidal and just want to off myself? The answer is no. And this depression is and has ruined every potential love story I could've had.
 
NightmareTour

NightmareTour

Arcanist
Joined
May 13, 2020
Messages
401
Not a chance. I can't even form a proper friendship, I can't trust people or connect with them on a personal level and the way I am drives them away. Romantically, I wouldn't be able to form a healthy relationship and I'd just end up hurting myself and the other person. People are better off staying away from me and I'm better off staying away from them.
 
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Sensei

Sensei

剣道家
Joined
Nov 4, 2019
Messages
6,372
Puffinz said:
For me I think it's still possible but very unlikely. I first have to work on myself and try to fix most of my mental problems.

This.
 
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Isitmytime

Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2021
Messages
58
Not anymore. I did, at least on my side. With normal ups and downs, but I lost it without any reasonable explanation. I mean, there was one... more like the "it's not you, it's me" routine. The way I see it, he f***ed up and could not bear to put any work into it. I did forgive everything, also asked for forgiveness for whatever I might have done wrong without even meaning to. Useless exercise, but I wanted to feel at peace. I gave my all (apparently not enough) for over 20 years, there is nothing left to give.
 
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ashedout

ashedout

Student
Joined
Jan 22, 2021
Messages
100
I don't think so but I'm not overly concerned about it. I have never had huge desire for romantic love or life partnership in that sense. I tried in my early 20s as a way to fit in because the whole long term relationship thing is what you're supposed to want and do but it was always more annoying than anything. I've come to terms with being alone.
 
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T

Teas

Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2018
Messages
44
I never had friends my whole life. I can't help but distrust every person I meet face-to_face. I don't really have an interest in forming long-lasting relationships.
 
WornOutLife

WornOutLife

マット
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
7,333
Yes, absolutely. Found it before and I think I might find it again but first, I gotta find my mind.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Defective since birth
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
4,290
I have.... Twice. And its destroying me. What does one do when they can only make 1 happy?
 
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KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

health is a crown that only the sick can see
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Messages
703
When I first met my bf two years ago I didn't have IBS yet and my other illnesses hadn't kicked into high gear. He was my reason for living. I put myself through painful tests and being a Guinea pig for many drug regimens to try and get better so that I could be a more desirable partner. I got sicker and sicker and then was horribly traumatized a year ago by a very abusive doctor.

Despite this, my boyfriend stuck with me, but his patience began to wane. I thought I was truly in love and he felt the same regarding me. I lost everything when my illnesses got worse, and so I put the plans in motion to move to his country, study, and have a life together.

As time has passed his disdain for me has accumulated. Ever since I came here the arguing is non-stop. No longer am I that person he was so enamoured with, now I'm just a burden.

My boyfriend lied to me and said he would take care of me. I would do anything within reason for him, I am going to force myself to work part time if I graduate so I will not be fully reliant on him. He thinks my views, beliefs, and suicidality are just nihilistic doomer shit and that I am unhinged for not thinking the world is a great place.

I did believe in love, but now I realize most "love" is simply a false promise between two people. As soon as someone stops getting use out of you, they kick you to the curb. Being reliant on someone who clearly pities you and feels disdain does not make you feel loved.

People do what is convenient for them.
 
kane

kane

Student
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
149
No. There are things about me that are unacceptable to anyone morally sane, that I could never risk telling a partner. So any relationship I did have would be built on lies. But there's still some delusional hope in me that somehow, everything will magically work out.
 
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Fehler

Fehler

...
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
439
Very identifiable with you but a few weeks ago I ended up discarding it.
I have already assumed that if I didn't ctb I would end up as an old curmudgeon and bitter.
 
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Makko

Makko

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 17, 2021
Messages
1,560
Fehler said:
Very identifiable with you but a few weeks ago I ended up discarding it.
I have already assumed that if I didn't ctb I would end up as an old curmudgeon and bitter.
I'm not old-old yet but I noticed that you become less bitter with age, not more. The more experience of solidute you have the more comfortable it is.
 
Fehler

Fehler

...
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
439
Makko said:
I'm not old-old yet but I noticed that you become less bitter with age, not more. The more experience of solidute you have the more comfortable it is.
It makes sense, but I imagine it depends on the person, if you get used to it and accept loneliness or become bitter for it
 
Gerard de Nerval

Gerard de Nerval

Ontologist
Joined
Oct 5, 2020
Messages
146
Yes. Its inevitable. I've even tried to avoid it numerous times, but that's been futile. Its too much of a beautiful feeling to have.
 
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262653

262653

Cluesome
Joined
Apr 5, 2018
Messages
1,767
Have you noticed that people in a "loving" relationship are almost never called relatives and often called partners? Wouldn't it make more sense to call it a partnership then?

It's a lot like business partnerships. People get together in hopes of benefitting from doing business.
Mutual profit is the glue for partnership. The more profitable your business is, the more attention you'll get from others, more offers to team up and share profits, but also more predators trying to rip you off, to take your value without giving anything in return.

If one side loses benefit from a partnership, or sees better opportunities, it might be interested in terminating the current partnership.

I just felt like saying all that.

I do also think it's inevitable. I see love as sexual attraction + trust. I've experienced the individual parts but never the full package (mutual attraction and mutual trust), though it's definitely possible.
Fehler said:
I have already assumed that if I didn't ctb I would end up as an old curmudgeon and bitter.
LOL, I misread it as cumdungeon :pfff:

Haven't laughed like that in ages.
 
MrBlue

MrBlue

Arcanist
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
403
It's very, very unlikely. I don't know if I'm neccessarily a bad person, but I'm definitely an unattractive one. I'd have to endure years more of my current existence trying to improve so I could be good enough to even start looking for it.

Then my only real chance is dating someone like me, which would inevitably end once her self esteem hopefully improved and she went on to date better people. That or someone who dates me precisely because of my inadequacies, either because they want to feel superior and control me or mother/fix me in some way, which both would be liable to become toxic quickly.
 
stygal

stygal

Wish I was Enlightened
Joined
Oct 29, 2020
Messages
1,250
KuriGohan&Kamehameha said:
When I first met my bf two years ago I didn't have IBS yet and my other illnesses hadn't kicked into high gear. He was my reason for living. I put myself through painful tests and being a Guinea pig for many drug regimens to try and get better so that I could be a more desirable partner. I got sicker and sicker and then was horribly traumatized a year ago by a very abusive doctor.

Despite this, my boyfriend stuck with me, but his patience began to wane. I thought I was truly in love and he felt the same regarding me. I lost everything when my illnesses got worse, and so I put the plans in motion to move to his country, study, and have a life together.

As time has passed his disdain for me has accumulated. Ever since I came here the arguing is non-stop. No longer am I that person he was so enamoured with, now I'm just a burden.

My boyfriend lied to me and said he would take care of me. I would do anything within reason for him, I am going to force myself to work part time if I graduate so I will not be fully reliant on him. He thinks my views, beliefs, and suicidality are just nihilistic doomer shit and that I am unhinged for not thinking the world is a great place.

I did believe in love, but now I realize most "love" is simply a false promise between two people. As soon as someone stops getting use out of you, they kick you to the curb. Being reliant on someone who clearly pities you and feels disdain does not make you feel loved.

People do what is convenient for them.
I‘m so sorry for all of this mental and physical pain you’re currently going through. Life’s unfair and „love“ seems even more unfair sometimes.

I‘ve been through a similar experience having a disability and chronic pain while also still being in a relationship. I was trying everything to make it work despite me feeling like a burden and worse everyday.
In the beginning it was all going „great“ and he even told me he would stick by my side no matter what.
But turns out it’s not all flowers and unicorns when you literally suffering 24/7 and can’t do anything with your partner and he on the other hand can’t help you.
Shortly after he grew distant and started doing most of his activities without including me or even asking me to participate. That was the most alienating feeling in the world. Being slowly left by the only person that meant something to me at that point in time and seeing him being happier on his own. We broke up shortly after this period and just like you said it felt like he was only getting „use“ out of me as long as I could keep up.
 
NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
994
As average as average comes with chronic pain, a cane & mental illness- I know my limitations. Being the nicest person in the world wouldn’t prepare you for the woman behind the curtain. Boo.

When I talk IRL about wanting things diagnosed, I would often hear- why does it matter? You’re already an adult. What difference would it make to get a diagnosis?

Yeah- what difference would it make to find the missing pieces to a puzzle you’re ready to throw out? But I could never tell them that.
 
lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Joined
Feb 27, 2021
Messages
832
lol no. btw this doesn't mean i'm anti love it just means i'm anti love when i'm involved.

also a lack of love life doesn't make me depressed. its a lack of self love that does.
 
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