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Nihilistnow

Nihilistnow

Member
Jun 5, 2018
49
not just suicide but the impact it will have on people. my dad is an abusive narcissist and sometimes after times when he treats me like shit I like to imagine his pain when he finds me dead and realizes that it’s all his fault. I know it’s unhealthy but does anyone else cope this way?
 
El Topo

El Topo

(---)
Apr 21, 2018
480
not just suicide but the impact it will have on people. my dad is an abusive narcissist and sometimes after times when he treats me like shit I like to imagine his pain when he finds me dead and realizes that it’s all his fault. I know it’s unhealthy but does anyone else cope this way?

Personally, for me, one of my most important goals is to let go of any resentment before I CTB. If I can CTB without any bitterness in my heart, I have no fear of any possible judgment in the afterlife.
 
Kira

Kira

Same stuff, different day
Apr 27, 2018
130
I don't use it to cope but I do think about it all the time. The thought of just drifting off and not having to worry anymore is quite nice. The impact, however, isn't as pleasant to think about.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
633
From the moment I get up to the moment I fall back to sleep again. These kinds of thoughts have been a part of me for many, many years now so, at this point, it's basically just an ingrained reflex. The fantasies themselves can help give me a little peace of mind every now and again purely from the sweet relief thinking about death can bring, but most of the time I just feel the usual boredom/tension/frustration that's more or less constant throughout my waking hours, or nothing at all.
 
N

NoMore

Member
Aug 5, 2018
57
I fantasise before my eyes have opened in the morning and often use it to cope, the wish to die stems from my core deep within my brain and soul, would love to make it peaceful, i deserve at least that after what ive been through
 
sadak_the_wanderer

sadak_the_wanderer

An appropriate painting
Mar 19, 2018
243
I don't fantasize about it, but I do go through mental rehearsals to discover weak spots in my different plans. I do spent a lot of time thinking about how to minimize any negative impacts my absence might have on people who are important to me. It doesn't provide me any pleasure, though, and it doesn't feel like an escape for me.

If anything, I get a little bummed out by realizing just how few people would even notice that I am gone, and how little subset of people within that who might care would have to change their lives. I think that it would be best compared to a scab falling off, most would be hard-pressed to notice just when it has happened.
 
W

wakeup2reality

Member
Aug 15, 2018
7
All the time.. it makes me feel like I still have a sense of control over my own life. This suffering can't be forever and I can put it to an end if it gets too unbearable. But in this case it really is easier said than done, suicide sounds a lot better in my mind, sadly. I'm still scared of carrying on with it fully, but at the same time it's the thought of it what gives me inner peace.
 
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
I fantasize about how people will react, and that makes me feel worse, but I can't help thinking about it. People will almost certainly be indifferent or feel sorry for me. They will probably act as if I was really fragile. I can't stand the thought of people claiming to care when they ignore or insult me. Not one person will genuinely care.
I think about how my parents would be shocked despite knowing that I'm suicidal, and I like the thought of it ruining things for them, but I hate that I won't be able to see the aftermath and will never know what came next.
 
S

shadow11

Wizard
Jul 31, 2018
620
I just see myself hanging from a rope, I have a mental picture in my head most of the time. I dont fantasize about the impact on other people, just that its over.
 
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NoLifeNoPain

NoLifeNoPain

-
Jun 17, 2018
1,364
I just see myself hanging from a rope, I have a mental picture in my head most of the time. I dont fantasize about the impact on other people, just that over.
That's me. I just don't care. When my sister died they stopped giving a shit about her after 2 months and the same will happen to me.
 
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