S

SadLoser

Member
Jul 31, 2021
43
There’s a group that I “hang out” with in college. Mainly it’s just me sitting down quietly while they have all types of conversations.
It’s not even about small talk. I just simply know nothing about anything. I am so boring. I can rarely contribute more than a sentence to a conversation.
I can never think of a joke on the spot that will make others laugh. I just sit and listen.

I hate this so much. Why am I this way?
Is there any way I can become more knowledgeable about random topics that will allow me to keep a conversation going?
 
Hemlock

Hemlock

average CTB enjoyer
Nov 6, 2020
1,059
You can also watch the news
Yes, current affairs is a very common topic of conversation. Watching the news would be a good idea – especially stuff that affects people's day-to-day lives like COVID-19 restrictions, vaccination programmes, welfare benefits changes, fuel shortages, politics, celebrity news, sports news etc.

Of course, tailor your topics of conversation to your friends' interests.

Things happening at college would also be a good idea to talk to your friends.
 
meetapple

meetapple

Specialist
Jun 3, 2021
338
Subscribe to a daily newsletter like The Skimm.

As far as the jokes I used to do a thing called the joke of the day. My psychiatrist told me to memorize a joke each night and then tell one to somebody the next day. There are many jokes available on the Internet.
 
zeroornothing

zeroornothing

Enlightened
Jun 22, 2021
1,038
Im always mute and have nothing to talk about with anyone even close family and I am embarrassed about it so I can relate. It is one of the big reasons I want to ctb. My friend also ctb’ed because she was mute and couldnt have conversations with people. It is a sad existence to be like that. It is not just that i dobt talk. It is the matter of fact that I am not interested to talk about anything
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Sep 24, 2020
5,989
I never have anything to talk about. I do not enjoy actually talking to people, I am very introverted. I have absolutely no interests and no personality. I am very quiet. I have nothing in common with other people and cannot relate to them.
 
stalewater

stalewater

Experienced
Jul 11, 2021
282
I never have anything to talk about. I do not enjoy actually talking to people, I am very introverted. I have absolutely no interests and no personality. I am very quiet. I have nothing in common with other people and cannot relate to them.
there's nothing wrong in not wanting to interact with people, but doesn't mean you have no personality. You're a nice and interesting person and I can feel it just by reading your posts.
 
artificialpasta

artificialpasta

Member
Feb 2, 2020
79
I suffer the same. I can make small talk, usually about whatever work we share. But I don't really have enough of a personality to move it from there.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
730
Have you seen how long the posts I write here are? I have lots of thinks to say and thoughts to think. The same when I'm with a person alone. I will bore them with my talk. But in a group? I can't think. My brain stops working and I'm unable to say anything.

I think it's because my brain works like this:

No humans to look at or listen to: 100% working capacity.
One human to look at or listen to: 50% power.
Two or more humans: 0%.

My brains are very anti-multitasking. I can only focus on one thing. It's impossible for me to focus on looking at people's faces, focus on their voice, focus on thinking what to say.

Imagine two processors. One is 9001GHz, but only has one core. One is 1GHz but has 8 cores. Or a computer with only one RAM stick instead of four RAM sticks.

Maybe you have the same problem.

And also, maybe their topics are boring and stupid? Do they talk about interesting things like the Ditto is a failed Mew clone theory or do they talk about some boring shit like "Corona: (star) The luminous plasma atmosphere of the Sun or other star, extending millions of kilometres into space, most easily seen during a total solar eclipse"?

If you're not into astronomy, it's no wonder you get bored of talking about corona.

Don't force yourself into studying things you are not interested in. I've tried. I tried to learn about celebrities, but I couldn't give a fuck. I tried learning about Twilight (a sorry time), it was too boring. Might as well study a new language or something.
 
prox777

prox777

New Member
Oct 5, 2021
4
I am also boring so i learned a bunch of useless fun facts to throw around. Here's one of my favorites: Tiger sharks fight in the womb. The survivor is born.
 
I

irememberinnocence

Student
Jun 10, 2020
132
Sometimes it seems like I have nothing to talk about but in reality I have nothing to talk about that interests other people. It does help though to stay up to date with current events, popular TV shows etc. Unfortunately most people don't want to hear my thoughts on the ethics of organoid brains.
 
J

Jiroscope

Member
Apr 8, 2021
8
I am the same! I just sit there wishing to join in on the conversation but my mind is blank. For me, I've discovered that it's caused by my social anxiety and CPTSD.

If you don't know what CPTSD is it's commonly found in people who grew up with shitty parents. Normal PTSD is like one big traumatic event, CPTSD is trauma caused over a long period of time.

I had to be quiet to survive in my home, and in turn I'm quiet outside of it too. I can keep track of people's positions in the house based on their footprints. And I become a completely different person at home. My personality just disappears and I become very quiet, friends don't understand why I'm so different at home.

If any of that is familiar there's a CPTSD subreddit that's been helping me, and I hope will help you too. Or at least make you feel less alone.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Journeytoletgo
S

SadLoser

Member
Jul 31, 2021
43
I am the same! I just sit there wishing to join in on the conversation but my mind is blank. For me, I've discovered that it's caused by my social anxiety and CPTSD.

If you don't know what CPTSD is it's commonly found in people who grew up with shitty parents. Normal PTSD is like one big traumatic event, CPTSD is trauma caused over a long period of time.

I had to be quiet to survive in my home, and in turn I'm quiet outside of it too. I can keep track of people's positions in the house based on their footprints. And I become a completely different person at home. My personality just disappears and I become very quiet, friends don't understand why I'm so different at home.

If any of that is familiar there's a CPTSD subreddit that's been helping me, and I hope will help you too. Or at least make you feel less alone.

I wonder if I have the same thing. I grew up with abusive parents. Not saying i’d be a perfect social butterfly without them, but I would definitely be better than I am. Interesting. I’ll look into it.

Being born to abusive parents has got to be some of the shittiest luck you can have. Really nothing you can do about it often until it’s too late.
 
demuic

demuic

Life was a mistake
Sep 12, 2020
1,032
Sometimes it seems like I have nothing to talk about but in reality I have nothing to talk about that interests other people.
This is how I am. I am more interested in philosophical, fictional, or theoretical topics. I'm not interested in learning about current events, popular tv shows, celebrity gossip, etc. I have a small range of interests and I won't learn anything about things that don't interest me just to have a conversation I don't even want to have.

I am very wordy when discussing something that interests me. But things like small talk or what did I do over the weekend, I have nothing to offer on those matters. I also don't like to talk in a group. The more people in a conversation, the worse it gets.
 
seaweaves

seaweaves

they/them pronouns
Oct 25, 2021
65
I regularly struggle to come up with something to say in most group conversations etc, and when I do have something to say, regularly get spoken over or ignored. What I've found over time though ("over time" as someone only in their 30s), is that people do often value a listener, someone who is active in conversations even if not speaking. I value a lot of the above advice about (eg) following the news, and I hear that as your main concern. But I also want to affirm that it's okay not to be someone who talks about things, that it's okay to be a listener, and to practice different ways of listening. I hope others can create space for your own ways of engaging, as much a you might explore the other recommendations in this thread
 
I

irememberinnocence

Student
Jun 10, 2020
132
This is how I am. I am more interested in philosophical, fictional, or theoretical topics. I'm not interested in learning about current events, popular tv shows, celebrity gossip, etc. I have a small range of interests and I won't learn anything about things that don't interest me just to have a conversation I don't even want to have.

I am very wordy when discussing something that interests me. But things like small talk or what did I do over the weekend, I have nothing to offer on those matters. I also don't like to talk in a group. The more people in a conversation, the worse it gets.
I've gotten better at small talk over the years through my travels and I enjoy speaking about current events sometimes but what actually interests me will be the patterns of behaviour behind them. So while one person might spend a minute talking about a piece of news, I'll want to do an intellectual deep dive analysing it from all angles and what factors have led to this event etc. My mind is fascinated but people switch off quickly.

Same am very wordy. Even when responding to posts on here I just let the words flow, no such thing as a simple question with a simple answer. Everything is too interesting to not discuss in depth.

Yep, we're definitely the minority. I crossed paths with someone a while back who also enjoyed analysing the shit out of ethical, policial, moral topics etc, that was amazing. Very long engrossing conversations that could easily span several hours and fuelled the spirit.
 
P

prbreese01

Member
Oct 27, 2021
5
I have a hard time finding something to say too. It’s been a struggle of mine for a long time. I consider myself up to date on current events so I should be able to hold a conversation but I can’t. Basically, my mind is blank and I don’t generate any thoughts. I’ve had this problem since I was in middle school. I had a really hard time writing essays/papers because I never could complete the minimum amount of pages required. My teachers never seemed to understand that I was having a really hard time coming up with more things to write about. I became petrified of writing papers.
I’m constantly envious of people that can hold a conversation and be quick witted. Because of my lack of social skills, I’ve become more and more isolated. I don’t talk to anyone anymore, including my childhood friends. I’m 45 now and am a complete loner because I don’t have anything to say.
Is there a name for this? Is it a disorder? Can it be fixed?….Bu the way, it was really hard for me to even write this.😖
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: LonelyBrazilian
zeroornothing

zeroornothing

Enlightened
Jun 22, 2021
1,038
I have a hard time finding something to say too. It’s been a struggle of mine for a long time. I consider myself up to date on current events so I should be able to hold a conversation but I can’t. Basically, my mind is blank and I don’t generate any thoughts. I’ve had this problem since I was in middle school. I had a really hard time writing essays/papers because I never could complete the minimum amount of pages required. My teachers never seemed to understand that I was having a really hard time coming up with more things to write about. I became petrified of writing papers.
I’m constantly envious of people that can hold a conversation and be quick witted. Because of my lack of social skills, I’ve become more and more isolated. I don’t talk to anyone anymore, including my childhood friends. I’m 45 now and am a complete loner because I don’t have anything to say.
Is there a name for this? Is it a disorder? Can it be fixed?….Bu the way, it was really hard for me to even write this.😖
Mutism?
 
P

prbreese01

Member
Oct 27, 2021
5
Is that an actual diagnosis? I’m sitting here crying because I really don’t know what to do to help myself anymore.
 

Similar threads