- Jun 29, 2018
I would prefer to live, but I am failing all sorts of treatment for my diagnosis which has basically left me housebound. I feel that I have to do this before I lose my mind. I am upset that it came to this for me because I had so much potential, but I screwed it all up. When you have serious health issues you have no life. I am getting tired of the same routine everyday and don't want anything out of life anymore. The depression and hopelessness that chronic disease brings on is something else. My future is bleak at best with only government funded housing to keep me off the streets. I wanted to contribute something to this world and not just be a consumer. All that is done now. The only thing I have to look forward to is death. My deadline is October. My best friend from high school is getting married that month and I am not showing up there in this condition. If something doesn't change from everything that I am doing by September, then I'm done. I wish there was an easy way to go i have posted about suicide parties and such but the world is so disconnected at this point that this what we are left with, talking through a box screen to each other. It's each person for themselves nowadays. Family doesn't mean anything. I am pissed off at my family for not understanding me. If I saw them suffering day in and day out, I would help them end their suffering, but not so in my case. Let me suffer physically, so you don't have to mentally. Anyway what I'm trying to say is that I feel like this is my only option and would like your opinion.