shinitai

shinitai

Member
Jun 28, 2018
25
I'm sorry if this is really personal. I used to self harm, but have been abstaining until the day I CTB so as to be able to feel it everywhere without consequence. If you do, what is your reasoning? Again, sorry if this is extremely personal.
 
Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
Hi.I self harm by cutting.For me it is a coping mechanism.It's a way of transferring intense emotional pain into physical pain as a distraction.I know it's not good but stops me doing other things so far !
 
shinitai

shinitai

Member
Jun 28, 2018
25
Hi.I self harm by cutting.For me it is a coping mechanism.It's a way of transferring intense emotional pain into physical pain as a distraction.I know it's not good but stops me doing other things so far !
I understand the feeling. Has anyone seen them? How did they react? Haha sorry I'm terrified of people seeing them and that will affect my plan to CTB in about four months.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LIFEFUCKINGSUCKS
Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
That used to be mine too.its been harder to cover my arms in the hot weather.i am conscious of people seeing and restrict the cuts to the undereside of my arms.people have seen and I guess I'm embarrassed but at the same time.it is what it is.
I believe when you self harm you are at a greater risk of sucide.
 
shinitai

shinitai

Member
Jun 28, 2018
25
That used to be mine too.its been harder to cover my arms in the hot weather.i am conscious of people seeing and restrict the cuts to the undereside of my arms.people have seen and I guess I'm embarrassed but at the same time.it is what it is.
I believe when you self harm you are at a greater risk of sucide.
I'm just terrified of being locked up- I can fib my way through anything except the physical proof haha. Doesn't help that I live somewhere that's constantly hot. Though the risk of accidentally killing yourself via cutting is pretty low, thank god. I'd rather be in control of my own death.
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,036
I have tried to (cutting), but my body's instincts to preserve itself are too strong. Which is why I need a method where I can't come back from if survival instinct kicks in.
 
S

Strumgewehr

-
Jun 7, 2018
272
I'm not so sure myself. It's personally an anger coping mechanism for me, and really is an inconvenience in terms of going outside. I was wondering how much self harm and suicidal ideation overlapped in reality haha

Start listening to heavy metal, Black and Doom metal in particular works wonders. Trust me, headbanging is a million times more fun than cutting.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
633
Occasionally. Been a little while since the last time though (month or two, I think). For me, it's just something to do really. In a way, there's almost a nihilistic joy to the whole thing. Haphazardly desecrating the body without a care. I've also found that making myself feel pain physically can, temporarily at least, shift my focus away from emotional/mental pain. A very crude method, but sometimes it works. I fall in and out of the whole self-harm thing, but right now I just don't have the energy for it. Feels too extraneous, frankly. Plus the novelty/benefits wear off fast once you start doing it on a regular basis.
 
Last edited:
Shiori Shin

Shiori Shin

New Member
Mar 20, 2018
1
I actually went to self harm earlier today and found that somehow despite cleaning them that my exacto blades have become rusty over the last several months. No relief today. 9.9 But yes, I do as well OP.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LIFEFUCKINGSUCKS
Rocky M

Rocky M

I'm A Monster
Jun 20, 2018
213
I used to. I had to stop because I was looking a for a new job at the time and I didn’t want to scare the managers or anything. I still think about it a lot though.
 
DeadMemories

DeadMemories

We are playing a game, and the game runs like this
Mar 27, 2018
9
I self harmed a lot when I was younger. I would cut my upper thigh as it was very unlikely that people would be able to see it.
I replaced self harming with using drugs and haven't cut for about 2.5 years. I constantly want to do it again.
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Global Mod
Jun 12, 2018
1,539
I burn myself. As others already mentioned, it relieves a lot of pain for me when do so and is a good way of compensating. I have a lot of scars but that's fine for me.
 
AveryConure

AveryConure

Some idiot
May 11, 2018
438
I do, but I mainly do it in areas I know people won't look like on my stomach and breasts. I don't do it as much as I used to, where I constantly had teachers ask me about my arms nearly everyday at school.

I can't afford therapy, and sometimes the feelings become too much for me and my apathy in enjoying my hobbies anymore doesn't help with that.

Though I wake up sometimes with cuts on my arms and I sadly know who to blame for that.
 
S

Sternum

Student
May 12, 2018
121
I cut my arm, and parts of my leg. On my arm was in a location that was pretty apparent, and at work that was not socially acceptable. Some people asked me about it and I brushed it off. It was one of the points I started thinking that my feeling sad wasn’t the average feeling sad. Cutting seems obvious as a thing that isn’t ‘average’ or ‘normal,’ but my feelings being so deeply sad we’re not as obvious to me until there was a tangible result providing evidence of that sadness. Even though I had considered suicide many times before that, there was something more real about the physical damage. I cut to feel the pain at first, and to see the blood. Then it felt sort of reassuring when it would heal. I also liked that in our culture of everything that is supposed to be perfect (straight white teeth, fit physique, nice clothes, nice car, nice house, attractive mate, fresh haircut, nice smelling fragrance, etc) I chose to have this non-perfect part of myself. At this point in my life, I have fucked everything up so bad that cutting seems like nothing in comparison. Now I don’t give a shit about any of that. I don’t even dress in a way that seems presentable, and I might wear the same shirt 5 days in a row. Don’t remotely care. That’s not a statement like ‘you shouldn’t worry about what other people think,’ it’s more like ‘fuck it, life matters none and I will be gone soon.’ I don’t even feel that I have the energy to imagine why I cared about any of that other dumb shit at any point in the past. Anyway, long tangent. But about cutting, It’s weird, when I do it, it’s pretty easy, with an exacto knife. But when I think about it, like right now, it gives me the willies. Seems like nonsense.
 
Last edited:
Kira

Kira

Same stuff, different day
Apr 27, 2018
130
I've done it many times over the years, for various reasons. I've cut to punish myself, to feel the release, to distract myself, etc. The reason changes depending on my state of mind. I haven't done it in a little while because it's summer and we have a pool. I'm expected to swim, and I certainly don't want anyone to see fresh cuts. Another trip to the hospital doesn't sound very fun to me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LIFEFUCKINGSUCKS
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Once I accidentaly cut myself with a knife. It was barely bleeding and I was lying in the ground possesed by pain. If I suffered with a shitty accidental cut I don't want even imagine how must feel having all my arm scarred.

Definitely not.
 
Bunny13000

Bunny13000

Member
Jun 28, 2018
28
Not exactly self harm by means of pain but I do some weird shit to my body. Never heard anyone do what I'm doing so I consider it extremely personal :D
One wonders
 
EricRoche

EricRoche

-
Apr 7, 2018
75
I used to but I have less pain tolerance than I used to (attribute it to severe bipolar/depression). When I was 13 (7 years ago), I was angry and cut. It was painful but I liked it. Still don't know how I braved it because today I can't do that.

My mother found out and gave out.