• Welcome! SanctionedSuicide is a forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
if there's anyone else drinking on this nice night of January, come by and say a hi. Cheers!
 
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
pls if there;s anyone else drunk at this time pls let's talk. these screams scare me.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Bahbah Blacksheep
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
i've drank another half of vodka, I feel better.
 
Bahbah Blacksheep

Bahbah Blacksheep

Member
Dec 23, 2019
47
i've drank another half of vodka, I feel better.
I've been drinking a bottle of vodka a day for the past few weeks. I'm trying to wean myself off somewhat, only 2l of wine today... urgh, being addicted kinda sucks. And so do hangovers. But I honestly don't know what else to do atm.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: AverageFanEnjoyer
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
I've been drinking a bottle of vodka a day for the past few weeks. I'm trying to wean myself off somewhat, only 2l of wine today... urgh, being addicted kinda sucks. And so do hangovers. But I honestly don't know what else to do atm.
wow, that's a huge amoint! what do you experience after? I'd probably feel beyond flying if I drank such amounts.

I've proposed myslef to drink one bottle of vodka tonight. a wole ficking bottle. I havent even drink 15% of it yet lmao. it also tastes weird for some reason.

Addiction sucks indeed, but when one has nothing more to lose...
 
Bahbah Blacksheep

Bahbah Blacksheep

Member
Dec 23, 2019
47
wow, that's a huge amoint! what do you experience after? I'd probably feel beyond flying if I drank such amounts.

I've proposed myslef to drink one bottle of vodka tonight. a wole ficking bottle. I havent even drink 15% of it yet lmao. it also tastes weird for some reason.

Addiction sucks indeed, but when one has nothing more to lose...
Idk, like tolerance is a bitch. I don't get as drunk as you might think. It just let's me spend the day in a semiconcious daze. And the hangover is mostly just an icky feeling, and the annoyance of having to go out again to buy more alcohol. I rarely get a headache, only when I way overdo it and dont drink anything non-alcoholic.
 
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
Idk, like tolerance is a bitch. I don't get as drunk as you might think. It just let's me spend the day in a semiconcious daze. And the hangover is mostly just an icky feeling, and the annoyance of having to go out again to buy more alcohol. I rarely get a headache, only when I way overdo it and dont drink anything non-alcoholic.
Ah i get ya, I have troubles getting that feeling too, you know. One time I drank 11 glasses of champagne and I didn't feel anything after. I know champagne is weak, but still.

For me a hangover consists only of lightheadedness for pretty much the whole day. sometimes headaches too. I still feel it's a small price to pay for feelimg somewhat okay and wanting to forget the suffering you go through.

I tried to become sober, I mean, it happened involuntarily at first lol. Went without drinking for 3-4 days multip;le times. That's the best I could do these months. However, the desperation is getting me too much and I feel like going back.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Bahbah Blacksheep
Bahbah Blacksheep

Bahbah Blacksheep

Member
Dec 23, 2019
47
Ah i get ya, I have troubles getting that feeling too, you know. One time I drank 11 glasses of champagne and I didn't feel anything after. I know champagne is weak, but still.

For me a hangover consists only of lightheadedness for pretty much the whole day. sometimes headaches too. I still feel it's a small price to pay for feelimg somewhat okay and wanting to forget the suffering you go through.

I tried to become sober, I mean, it happened involuntarily at first lol. Went without drinking for 3-4 days multip;le times. That's the best I could do these months. However, the desperation is getting me too much and I feel like going back.
Yeah, I only consume alcohol when I have nothing else around. Which is unfortunately the case atm. It doesn't make me feel good necessarily, like i can have fun sometimes while drunk, but tbh alcohol is one of the worst drugs imo. I was in a psych ward for 6 weeks recently, so sober for 6 weeks (apart from the meds they gave me) But first thing I did when I got out, was get some beers. And then I started drinking vodka, mainly cause I gain too much weight if I drink 4l of beer a day...
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: AverageFanEnjoyer
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
Yeah, I only consume alcohol when I have nothing else around. Which is unfortunately the case atm. It doesn't make me feel good necessarily, like i can have fun sometimes while drunk, but tbh alcohol is one of the worst drugs imo. I was in a psych ward for 6 weeks recently, so sober for 6 weeks (apart from the meds they gave me) But first thing I did when I got out, was get some beers. And then I started drinking vodka, mainly cause I gain too much weight if I drink 4l of beer a day...
It doesnt always make me feel good eitjher, in fact, sometimes, my self harm feelimgs intensify while drunk.
Yes alcohol is really dangeours. I've been thinking, recently, I would have liked if I tired some other drugs but I'm completely a noob regarding drugs amd I think they aren't even allowed in my country.

I'm sorry to hear you've been to a psych ward. I hope you didn;t suffer a lot while being there. I've heard awfu;l stories.

Indeed, vodka is kinder to your waist than other drinks. Only 90 calories per drink or something like that.

hahaha almost half a bottle drunk! there's one verse in a rap song in my native ;anguage that goes like:

Why is it my fault that the bottle is spitting in my mouth

Cracks me up whenver I hear it xD.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: Bahbah Blacksheep
Bahbah Blacksheep

Bahbah Blacksheep

Member
Dec 23, 2019
47
It doesnt always make me feel good eitjher, in fact, sometimes, my self harm feelimgs intensify while drunk.
Yes alcohol is really dangeours. I've been thinking, recently, I would have liked if I tired some other drugs but I'm completely a noob regarding drugs amd I think they aren't even allowed in my country.

I'm sorry to hear you've been to a psych ward. I hope you didn;t suffer a lot while being there. I've heard awfu;l stories.

Indeed, vodka is kinder to your waist than other drinks. Only 90 calories per drink or something like that.
Yeah, I don't self harm but for sure get to some dark states of mind when drunk.

Maybe you could look into kratom? I believe it's legal most places. It provides some relief and is less toxic than alcohol. There are different strains with different effects, red strains are more relaxing and have an opioid feel to them, green and white are more energizing. It can be addictive though, I never experienced withdrawals but I know people who have. I don't have access to it right now, as I'm in a homeless shelter... Hope I can move in with a friend of mine next month, fingers crossed.

The psych ward wasn't great. Especially the first couple of weeks, I was tied to a bed, didn't see anyone except when they brought me food... after that it still wasn't great, the food was pretty good tho ngl. But yeah, food and sleep were the highlights, the rest kinda sucked for the most part.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: AverageFanEnjoyer
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
Yeah, I don't self harm but for sure get to some dark states of mind when drunk.

Maybe you could look into kratom? I believe it's legal most places. It provides some relief and is less toxic than alcohol. There are different strains with different effects, red strains are more relaxing and have an opioid feel to them, green and white are more energizing. It can be addictive though, I never experienced withdrawals but I know people who have. I don't have access to it right now, as I'm in a homeless shelter... Hope I can move in with a friend of mine next month, fingers crossed.

The psych ward wasn't great. Especially the first couple of weeks, I was tied to a bed, didn't see anyone except when they brought me food... after that it still wasn't great, the food was pretty good tho ngl. But yeah, food and sleep were the highlights, the rest kinda sucked for the most part.
I will look into it indeed. as long as it is less toxic its better but i doubt it could be available here. my country is very prison like.

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear thT. I hope it works out for you!!! Bring homeless is one of the worst thing ever. About main reason I need to ctb is bcs ill remain homeless myself in spring so yeah.

it breaks my heart to hear what they do there. psych wards are modern concentration camps. it's unimaginable cruelty i cant even speak of anymore.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Bahbah Blacksheep
Bahbah Blacksheep

Bahbah Blacksheep

Member
Dec 23, 2019
47
I will look into it indeed. as long as it is less toxic its better but i doubt it could be available here. my country is very prison like.

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear thT. I hope it works out for you!!! Bring homeless is one of the worst thing ever. About main reason I need to ctb is bcs ill remain homeless myself in spring so yeah.

it breaks my heart to hear what they do there. psych wards are modern concentration camps. it's unimaginable cruelty i cant even speak of anymore.
Being in a homeless shelter isn't ideal by any means. But it's not quite as bad as I'd imagined. I'm sharing a room with 2 other guys, one of them is kind, but snores like a mf. And the other likes talking nonsense to himself. Part of the reason I try to drink myself into a coma everyday... But at least they're not violent or stealing my stuff, which I had feared. And I can drink and smoke in here, it beats the psych ward tbh. Maybe you could also find a shelter? See what it's like, you're not locked up and you still have options if it's unbearable. I wish you the best.

And yeah, fuck psych wards and the people that run them. They say, they lock you up for your own good, while mistreating you and stuffing all kinds of meds down your throat and expect you to pay them for it. Seriously, fuck off.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: AverageFanEnjoyer
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
Being in a homeless shelter isn't ideal by any means. But it's not quite as bad as I'd imagined. I'm sharing a room with 2 other guys, one of them is kind, but snores like a mf. And the other likes talking nonsense to himself. Part of the reason I try to drink myself into a coma everyday... But at least they're not violent or stealing my stuff, which I had feared. And I can drink and smoke in here, it beats the psych ward tbh. Maybe you could also find a shelter? See what it's like, you're not locked up and you still have options if it's unbearable. I wish you the best.

And yeah, fuck psych wards and the people that run them. They say, they lock you up for your own good, while mistreating you and stuffing all kinds of meds down your throat and expect you to pay them for it. Seriously, fuck off.
I'm glad that they don't seem dangerous but still take care and be wary. You never know what people might be up todo.

Yes, this barbaric treatment shouldn't even be allowed. It says a lot about the society we live in and humanity as a whole. That is their idea of ''helping'' those who are sufering.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bahbah Blacksheep
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
You spin me right round, baby, right round
Like a record, baby, right round, round, round

-my mind when it gets in contact with alcohol.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bahbah Blacksheep
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
there goes another half of vodka done
 
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
one vodka down... i found another one hidden in the house and started to drink it. better than nothing. fuck this life.
 
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
tonight no fucker is gonna destroy my night :sunglasses:. I feel glorious and I really needed such a time.