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Sadness20

Student
Nov 1, 2021
129
I cant trust myself anymore. I am not sure if what i'm doing is for attention or not. I want to die but that might just be for attention too. I'm scared of going through with this because if it doesnt work, they'll send me to the hospital and that might be for attention too. I dont know whats real anymore. Am i even real? Like, what is wrong with me. It seems like I'm just an attention seeking bitch.
 
ExtraordinaryDefeat_

ExtraordinaryDefeat_

Member
Apr 3, 2021
53
Humans survived thousands of years mainly by communication. It's how we are. By "seeking attention", you are basically screaming for help because you're tired of being tormented. It's not attention seeking, those are desperate, tragic cries for help. Even if I do lack empathy, my heart ALWAYS breaks when I sense someone doing that since their pain.
 
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Sadness20

Student
Nov 1, 2021
129
I
Humans survived thousands of years mainly by communication. It's how we are. By "seeking attention", you are basically screaming for help because you're tired of being tormented. It's not attention seeking, those are desperate, tragic cries for help. Even if I lack empathy, my heart ALWAYS breaks when I sense someone doing that since their pain.
I'm so tired. I just feel like such a failure. Like such a burden, but maybe me writing here is attention seeking too. I dont know anymore. I want to kill myself but it probably wont work
 
ExtraordinaryDefeat_

ExtraordinaryDefeat_

Member
Apr 3, 2021
53
I

I'm so tired. I just feel like such a failure. Like such a burden, but maybe me writing here is attention seeking too. I dont know anymore. I want to kill myself but it probably wont work
The forum is an outlet for you, an outlet for your feelings. I always was supporting euthanasia and I'm going to do that until the day I die and I'm supporting you as we're on a similar boat. By writing here, you not only let out your feelings but you also hope for some sort of redemption, absolution for your suffering - everyone deserves happiness, so do you. I used to talk to my friends about this, but they never understood. I would NEVER EVER want someone to suffer mentally, it's far more (imo) terrifying than physical trauma and I really do understand you. At the age of 13, I wanted to be a commercial pilot, but then I started feeling burnt out for no reason, I tried searching for help and I've been trying to get cured for 6 years, no effect. No effects at all. Zero. Null. NOTHING. I sense you probably know how it feels to fail after trying your HARDEST to live while others are living effortlessly and that's why you deserve more than anything. You deserve happiness and freedom. Feel free to vent in my DMs, WHENEVER you want.
 
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AntiquatedHorror

.
Jul 23, 2021
542
I feel you 100%, even having people from here to chat with I don't want to be fully 'honest' so to speak because it just feels like I'm fishing for attention. Which in turn makes me feel like a poser.
 
ineverlived

ineverlived

Member
May 31, 2022
37
not really. suicide seems to me as natural as drinking water now. I lost my social perception i don't even think that suicide is something to be sad about, to cry about or to talk about anymore
 
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ornitier199

Arcanist
Mar 26, 2022
417
what's attention when there is no one? Have no one?
So no. I'm trying exactly everyday to end my life, so I can resting peace. even if its slow i'm actively trying, which is what matters.
 
Cosmic dust

Cosmic dust

Among the stars
Feb 28, 2022
120
Sometimes I try to imagine people being sad after my death, then I realize it, wait, I wanna do this just so that they notice me?

Yes and no.

I don't think suicidal ideation or any mental suffering is simply a result of a single, isolated and direct fact or motive. Life is a big and messy soup, we are trapped in a complex web of ideas and factors, that involve not only our present situation, but also our past and our ideas about the future.
 
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Wisdom3_1-9

he/him/his
Jul 19, 2020
1,646
I cant trust myself anymore. I am not sure if what i'm doing is for attention or not. I want to die but that might just be for attention too. I'm scared of going through with this because if it doesnt work, they'll send me to the hospital and that might be for attention too. I dont know whats real anymore. Am i even real? Like, what is wrong with me. It seems like I'm just an attention seeking bitch.
They’re not mutually exclusive.

It’s okay to want attention. We want help, and people don’t listen. They seem to only listen when we’re at our most desperate. That doesn’t mean you’re just seeking attention. The two can co-exist naturally.

In my case, I want my suicide to draw attention to my suffering. I do want people to know how much I suffered. I want them to know how their abandonment affected me. Because then my death might mean something. What I want more than anything is to die. If I died in a car accident tomorrow, it would save me from my pain. But then the others won’t know what they did to me. So, although I truly desire death, I want people to pay attention too.
 
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chocolatebar

chocolatebar

Wizard
Jul 11, 2021
691
Sometimes I try to imagine people being sad after my death, then I realize it, wait, I wanna do this just so that they notice me?

Yes and no.

I don't think suicidal ideation or any mental suffering is simply a result of a single, isolated and direct fact or motive. Life is a big and messy soup, we are trapped in a complex web of ideas and factors, that involve not only our present situation, but also our past and our ideas about the future.
The idea that the world will keep existing normally after we're gone is also something sometimes non trivial to think about. As you said, it's a complex web and we're simply a node. We can cause ripples on that web and sometimes it's labeled as attention-seeking.

Nice combination of username and avatar, btw.
 
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Jupit3rs

Jupit3rs

"I'm finally going home... to the stars"
Feb 23, 2022
4
In my case, i want people to acknowledge my pain as legitimate. I want to hear "i understand where you are coming from and i'll support you no matter what decision you take, leaving this world or staying"
This will never happen, but inside i'm screaming for them to believe me when i say i'm suffering. Which is why i like to self harm sometimes... i don't show it to others ofc, but it gives this message to myself of "now that is physical... maybe i'm not an imposter after all, my pain can be seen through every wound"
People don't care about mental pain, unless you are bleeding to death... and sometimes not even with that, they still want you alive.
There's nothing wrong with wanting attention, trust me. Your feelings are very real and valid. I hope you find peace.
 
SunnyPotato

SunnyPotato

Member
Aug 31, 2020
57
I worry about this myself. I once saw a tweet that I'll paraphrase that was funny and validating, it said something along the lines of, "am I just doing this for attention?? I ask as myself while alone in my room with nobody else home". Lol
 
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Sadness20

Student
Nov 1, 2021
129
I worry about this myself. I once saw a tweet that I'll paraphrase that was funny and validating, it said something along the lines of, "am I just doing this for attention?? I ask as myself while alone in my room with nobody else home". Lol
thats a good one. haha