• Welcome to SanctionedSuicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

  • If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
I'm feeling so scared, overwhelmed, dysfunctional, lost, stupid, ugly...... So what, it is what is it.

I can take my soul off, and I'm done... no suffering, just swimming in an infinite void. I can't do this painlessly. I have no helping tools or materials, and I'm not mentally ready to make this step.

Instead, I'm going to face it. Whatever it is, I'm going to face it. I have nothing to lose. I consider every small step I'm up to as a battle, and I'm a warrior in this battle, I might lose. I might win. Who cares?!! Warrior is a warrior, his winning/failing history doesn't matter.

What is your next battle?

* Did you shower today? Please do it now, you can do it.
* Did you eat something healthy today? You can, my warrior. Get up, have something.
* Did you go out today? I know it's a very hard step, you can just make two steps outside your door, and get back. Please do.
* Did you apply for jobs? This is my battle today. Applying for jobs always drains me, we can do this.

Please, write down your today's battles. It doesn't matter you win or lose, what matters is your attempt. I tell this to myself as well. I know it isn't easy, it's very hard. But we have nothing to lose, we already went through the darkest dark, and now nothing matters. If you think it's pointless to do anything, I also feel the same. I remind myself that a warrior heads to his battle hoping for nothing, but to have an honorable fight.
 
J

jenepeuxdiremonnom

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
33
I appreciate your words.

Today's Battles:
1. Clean room
1a. Clean desk
1b. Make bed
1c. Clean floor

2. Study textbook

3. Do practice questions
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nopointofliving
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
I appreciate your words.

Today's Battles:
1. Clean room
1a. Clean desk
1b. Make bed
1c. Clean floor

2. Study textbook

3. Do practice questions
Hello,
You're doing well. Let me know once you win the first battle.

I just won a battle, I applied for few jobs. Feeling tired already.
 
J

jenepeuxdiremonnom

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
33
Good on you for applying to a few jobs already. A few is more than one, and even applying to one rocks. Keep up the good work. Any behavioral tonics you can use to manage tiredness -- quick shower, walk around the block, cold glass of water?

I made my bed, cleaned the floor, and did half of the desk.
 
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
Good on you for applying to a few jobs already. A few is more than one, and even applying to one rocks. Keep up the good work. Any behavioral tonics you can use to manage tiredness -- quick shower, walk around the block, cold glass of water?

I made my bed, cleaned the floor, and did half of the desk.
Aww, thank you :) I need some encouragement.

My tiredness isn't physical at all. I just get exhausted doing simple tasks.

Great, you made the bed, and cleaned all the things almost. What's your upcoming battle, warrior?
 
J

jenepeuxdiremonnom

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
33
Lethargy is a near constant part of the war for me [too].

I read the textbook! I'm not sure I'll get to questions tonight.

How goes your fight, @nopointofliving?
 
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
Lethargy is a near constant part of the war for me [too].
Yes!
jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
How goes your fight, @nopointofliving?
My fight was pretty fine. I'm a killer :D
Now I'm going to sleep, struggling with my thoughts

jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
I read the textbook! I'm not sure I'll get to questions tonight.
Yeahhhh! You did it.
It's okay, postpone it to tomorrow's fight :D

We did well today! we deserve some rest.
 
MindFog

MindFog

I'm not even having a good time
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
535
I think the greatest battle I have is getting out of bed. It's just so hard without any motivation to do so.

I have buy groceries but I started on a wrong foot today..I woke up late. I still need to clean the house too.

Welp better late than never. Huzzah!
 
M

MaybeSoon

Experienced
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
265
Todays battles were playing a computer game, struggling to walk to the shop which is a few minutes away and dealing with a guilty conscience and general mental health issues. Same battle as every day though fml.
I love this topic btw, it's inspired me to try and add more battles to my routine.
 
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
MindFog said:
I think the greatest battle I have is getting out of bed. It's just so hard without any motivation to do so.

I have buy groceries but I started on a wrong foot today..I woke up late. I still need to clean the house too.

Welp better late than never. Huzzah!
I totally relate to this. Getting out of bed is such a hard battle.

How was it ? Did you clean the house ?
MaybeSoon said:
Todays battles were playing a computer game, struggling to walk to the shop which is a few minutes away and dealing with a guilty conscience and general mental health issues. Same battle as every day though fml.
I love this topic btw, it's inspired me to try and add more battles to my routine.
I'm glad this topic has been a bit of help for you.

At least you could walk outside for a while. It's already an achievement. What do you have on your battles list for today ?
 
Last edited:
M

MaybeSoon

Experienced
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
265
nopointofliving said:
I totally relate to this. Getting out of bed is such a hard battle.

How was it ? Did you clean the house ?

I'm glad this topic has been a bit of help for you.

At least you could walk outside for a while. It's already an achievement. What do you have on your battles list for today ?
Trying to overcome a monsterous hangover. I'll make plans tomorrow haha.
 
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
newave3 said:
Well, I might win some battles but I will definitely lose the war.
It's okay... it's not about losing/winning but fighting with honor.
MaybeSoon said:
I feel the same but you never know, many a battle has changed the outcome of a war.
Exactly <3
MindFog said:
Yep! I won today. It was a stuggle tho :ahhha:
Let's celebrate together :ahhha::heart:
Hello my fellow warriors, @jenepeuxdiremonnom @MindFog @MaybeSoon @newave3

What are you battles for today?

My biggest battle for today is facing my fear to make a new baby step. I feel overwhelmed and want to stop so bad and so soon. I think it's okay, I can go to today's battle.
 
Last edited:
J

jenepeuxdiremonnom

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
33
The maw of night comes to tear and terrorize. I falter. I long for a peace that exists only in memory.
 
  • Love
Reactions: nopointofliving
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
The maw of night comes to tear and terrorize. I falter. I long for a peace that exists only in memory.
The nights are so lonely and scary. At least we have this forum to express and feel some virtual company in here. I don't long for past, nor for future. I just want this life to end as soon as possible. Till that moment, I will fight every moment, and win every possible battle.
 
J

jenepeuxdiremonnom

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
33
nopointofliving said:
The nights are so lonely and scary. At least we have this forum to express and feel some virtual company in here. I don't long for past, nor for future. I just want this life to end as soon as possible. Till that moment, I will fight every moment, and win every possible battle.
You are strong.

Do you have any stories (e.g., from literature, from cinema, from history, from your life) that inspire you to abide your commitment to fight every moment?
 
  • Love
Reactions: nopointofliving
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
You are strong.

Do you have any stories (e.g., from literature, from cinema, from history, from your life) that inspire you to abide your commitment to fight every moment?
I'm not strong. I'm very coward person. However, whenever I can, I try to push myself forward.

You know, in the last months I barely got out of my bed. I lost much weight. I was waiting for someone to help me. I begged to God: "God please if you do exist help me, I can't live this life ". I got no response. I thought karma would pay back to me, as I'm a kind and good person. Nothing happened. I realized we just do exist as any other being (plants, animals.....). Once I saw a flower growing up between street tiles. It made me wonder how strong is this flower?!! It fights for surviving like anyone else. It's a survival game. That's it. We complicate our lives with our stupid thoughts, morals, and definitions. We just exist like anyone else, and whatever you do is going in life's favor. Life may gift me a box of jewelries now, and it may make me fall in a big hole of sh#t. Realizing no one is there to help me, I decided to survive the moment. If I get the strength, I take a shower. If I have some energy, I study. Whatever I can do for now, it will be a great achievement and a winning battle in my survival journey. I'm not happy though. I don't like living here, it wasn't my choice. But I'm here, so what to do??!! I can make a small step, and make my survival easier. I also can sleep on my bed and do nothing, and it's not wrong. We also need some rest after having small daily fights.
 
  • Love
Reactions: jenepeuxdiremonnom
J

jenepeuxdiremonnom

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2021
Messages
33
@nopointofliving Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your message. I am a bit tired to respond in kind, in terms of depth or breadth of thought.

May death come swiftly on the wings of night.
 
  • Love
Reactions: nopointofliving
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
411
jenepeuxdiremonnom said:
@nopointofliving Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your message. I am a bit tired to respond in kind, in terms of depth or breadth of thought.

May death come swiftly on the wings of night.
Oh dear. thank you for listening to me. You don't know how much such conversations help me. I'm glad you're here. You're just a bit tired, please have some rest. hope our suffering ends as soon as possible. sending much love and hugs to you :heart::heart: Sleep well my friend.
 
  • Love
Reactions: jenepeuxdiremonnom