Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
I accept that I don't have a chance at life, and that I need to die. That was the hardest thing to accept, but I accepted it. I think of death daily, and think of every day as if it could be my last.
And the thing that's stopping me from attempting? Exhaustion.
The survival instinct sucks. That will get in my way a lot. But that won't kick in fully until I get to the place of death. It is a problem for me, but it's not so much an obstacle at the moment. But my exhaustion is.

I figure that no matter how much death scares me, once I'm ready, I'll be able to get to the place of death.
But, I'm not sure how I'll be able to get there with this exhaustion.
I just want to sleep. I'm so tired all the time. How am I supposed to get hyped up about my death when I'm this tired?
I felt excited about it before, and I'm kind of relying on that excitement to help me go through with it. But I'm too tired to feel excited. I'm too tired to do anything really, except sleep, eat, and use the internet.

I need to sneak out of my house when my family is asleep. Because I think that every day could potentially be my last, I stay up most of the night, for quite a nights. I need to stay up because if I were to go to sleep, everyone would be awake by the time I woke up. Also, I'd need to take the night to prepare. So, I stay up the whole night, and then I'm exhausted, but I don't like to take naps during the day because it disorientates me and disappoints me when I wake up and it's not the next day. Also, it's harder to sleep during the day, and it's hard enought to get to sleep at night. And then I stay up the next night (I always end up sleeping between around 6am to 10, 11, 12). After a few nights of this, I'll be so exhausted that I'll sleep the night through.
I'm just so tired.
 
V

VX1

Student
Jun 28, 2018
118
Where is 'your place of death'
How long will it take to get there?
What means of travel?
 
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Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
My place of death will be the train tracks that are a just a short distance from my house. Means of travel: walking.
It'll take about 10 minutes to walk, max.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I feel like you too.

Except because I don't like sleeping at any hour and I don't like train deaths, but I understand the rest perfectly.
 
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Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
I don't particularly like sleeping either. It depends what mood I'm in. But mostly I procastrinate sleeping for as long as possible.
 
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Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
Sorry to hear that. Must be hard enough getting to sleep without that. I never get nightmares, and it's very difficult to get to sleep, so I can't imagine what I would be like to sleep with constant nightmares. The closest thing that I ever had to a nightmare was a part of a dream where there were these ginormous stick insects.
I try to put off sleeping because I hate lying awake with all my thoughts, without anything to distract me.
 
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V

VX1

Student
Jun 28, 2018
118
Well 10 minutes with nothing to physically set up when you get there is just about as simple as it comes. You're gonna need to either give up the idea or get motivated, one or the other.
Study the train time tables from your bed, work out when the first train of the day, or the last, will be passing your spot. Make a list of things that need to be ticked off to get it done.
1. Check train timetable √
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15
16. Attend funeral
17. Sleep.
 
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
I haven't been able to find a timetable for my area, but they come pretty regularly, and I know that there's one that comes around quarter past six in the morning.
I'm hoping to bleed out, so I'll be bringing a knife. So not as simply as just get up and go, unfortunately. I chose train because I can always end it early if stabbing myself is too painful, and because I'd try to get run over even if I were bleeding out, so that my body wouldn't be messed with.
But, I'm not too bothered about the logistics. I just need to get motivated, like you said, then the rest should come easy enough.
Not too sure what to get in place - I would rather be left to decay than have a funeral, but that's not my choice.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Sorry to hear that. Must be hard enough getting to sleep without that. I never get nightmares, and it's very difficult to get to sleep, so I can't imagine what I would be like to sleep with constant nightmares. The closest thing that I ever had to a nightmare was a part of a dream where there were these ginormous stick insects.
I try to put off sleeping because I hate lying awake with all my thoughts, without anything to distract me.
You wouldn't want to know how it feels, it's terrible. If I'm lucky enough, I can sleep 4 hours in all the day.
 
S

shadow11

Wizard
Jul 31, 2018
620
Well 10 minutes with nothing to physically set up when you get there is just about as simple as it comes. You're gonna need to either give up the idea or get motivated, one or the other.
Study the train time tables from your bed, work out when the first train of the day, or the last, will be passing your spot. Make a list of things that need to be ticked off to get it done.
1. Check train timetable √
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15
16. Attend funeral
17. Sleep.
I am sorry to bother you but we were talking about the hanging earlier did you have anymore ideas or do you think I will end up with a partial again sorry to bother
 
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V

VX1

Student
Jun 28, 2018
118
Then of course, you pick your train and day and all that, you've still got to get out the house unseen and unheard then theres that dog that you say might bite you or bark and wake everyone up.
 
Anarchy

Anarchy

Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
384
Yep, there's that. I'm hoping that the dog will be in my sister's room on the day, but that's down to chance. The dog sleeps where it wants. It usually sleeps in the living room, so at least it's not in the hall or anything, but if I woke it up, it might come out and that would be a problem.
I don't think that there'll be much trouble sneaking out. Even if they were to hear me, I imagine taht I'd get out of the house easily enough. The bigger concern is if they get me once I'm out of the house.
 
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Lisa

Specialist
May 9, 2018
304
Then of course, you pick your train and day and all that, you've still got to get out the house unseen and unheard then theres that dog that you say might bite you or bark and wake everyone up.
Of course